Letters From the Sky
by Calla Mae
Summary: What if Bones hadn't met only Jim at the Riverside Shipyard; what if he'd met Jim's cousin as well? Could she heal him? Could he heal her? How would his interest in her effect his friendship with Jim? Bones X OC
1. one of these days the sky is gonna break

"So you're saying he saved your ass, and then offered you a spot at the Starfleet Academy?" the blonde young woman asked raising her brows in amused questioning.

"I had it under control, Ellie," he said standing beside where she was sitting on the bed.

"I'm sure you did, Jim," she said knowing very well he hadn't. "So what are you gonna do?"

"I don't know," Jim answered with a sigh as he flopped on the bed beside her. "Pike said I could be done with the academy in four years. That's not bad right?" he asked looking at her hoping for an answer.

"It's up to you," she told him and he rolled his eyes. "Come on, lets get you cleaned up." She stood pulling him along with her towards the small bathroom.

He winced as she gently dabbed at the blood on his face. "Jesus, Ellie, could you be a little more gentle?" He flinched away from her as she cleaned his bruised nose.

"Next time don't get in a fight." she grumbled grabbing his chin and keeping him still. When she finished she threw the reddened tissue in the trash before walking back into the room with Jim following behind her.

"So what are _you _gonna do?" he asked and she turned giving him a look showing she wanted to know what he was talking about. "Oh come on, you're 24 years old and already the top intern at the hospital. Besides, I know Pike asked you to come to Starfleet too."  
Ellie shrugged before answering. "I think I'm taking it. It's a great opportunity, and he gave me the same time frame," she said pulling the covers down and climbing in the bed.

"Can you imagine, us in space," Jim said taking his shirt off and she snorted as she laid down.

"Making trouble one planet at a time," she said making him laugh before he pulled his dirtied pants off and laid down next to her.

"What do you think it'll be like?" he asked with an arm around her shoulders as she laid on his chest.

"I don't know," she mused as she imagined it, "probably fancy."

"It's gonna be something Iowa kids like us have never seen before."

"That mean you're coming with me?" she asked, and though she'd never admit it she was relieved when he answered yes.

She was quiet awhile, and if not for her uneven breathing he'd have thought she was asleep. "We'll be fine tomorrow," he told her knowing she didn't want to fly.

She didn't say anything, instead she settled further into his arms as she tried to sleep. They laid together imagining what they were getting themselves into, both immensely glad they weren't doing it alone.

They woke before dawn and dressed before heading out. She rode on the back of his motorcycle, having sold her own only days before when Starfleet had contacted her and she had spoken with Captain Pike. They arrived at the Riverside Shipyard an hour later where they stared in awe at the size of the ship and all the different machinery in front of them.

"You ready Ellie?" He looked back at her and she could see that he was as shocked as she was.

"I guess," she answered with a shrug, refusing to acknowledge the chill in her spine as she looked at the shuttle. He gave her a small smile before driving them forward. The sun was up and shining brightly when they finally made it to the shuttle they'd be flying in, where Captain Christopher Pike was standing.

Ellie unwound her arms from Jim's waist and stood looking around them at all that was going on.

"Nice ride man," she heard and turned to see a worker admiring Jim's bike.

"It's yours," Jim said cockily as he threw the worker his keys, and Ellie rolled her eyes as Jim literally sauntered to where Captain Pike was. "Four years? I'll do it in three," Jim told him with even more arrogance in his voice before entering the shuttle making Ellie nearly groan in frustration.

Captain Pike turned back from the young man, rolling his own eyes, to see the pretty young woman that had been specifically requested. He took in her nice fitting jeans, black boots, and dark jacket.

"Are you sure about this?" she asked nudging her head in the direction Jim had just gone.

"I assume I'm going to find out," he answered returning her smile, though hers was small and seemingly foreign on her serious face. "I'm excited to have you Miss Elenore Davis. I'm glad you decided to join us." He smiled when he saw a slight blush creep over her cheeks; she was so different from the young man who'd just left him he could hardly believe they were related.

"Thank you for telling me about what Starfleet has to offer," she said uncomfortably, and he knew she wasn't used to receiving compliments.

"It was my absolute pleasure. But that wasn't the only thing I offered you." Her smile lit up her whole face, making her much prettier than when she wasn't, and she turned away from him embarrassed.

"We're not talking about that" she said quietly, but still smiling. "It's because of Starfleet's interest in me why you want me to fly with you." He was right, she was not used to people complimenting her; nor was she used to anyone showing interest in her talents besides Jim.

He placed his hand on her shoulder calling her attention to him. "You, my dear, have the potential to be one of the most known surgeons to this day. I wouldn't be surprised if I heard your name come up in any medical unit stretching the galaxy over the years to come," he said firmly, squeezing her shoulder. Her smile turned sweeter as she thanked him. "I look forward to working with you. Now, go in there and keep him out of trouble."

"I don't deserve that much credit," she told him seriously and he watched her smile slip away when she turned from him. It was when she had smiled that Pike had seen the resemblance between her and the young man; it was in the eyes.

She walked through the shuttle, surprised by how much bigger it was than she'd first thought. She saw a couple of men with bruises on their faces and figured they were the men that Jim had started a fight with the night before. She continued walking further back to where she supposed Jim would be when she heard someone ranting.

"see if you're still so relaxed when your eyeballs are bleeding. Space is disease and danger wrapped in darkness and silence."

"Well, I hate to break this to you, but Starfleet operates in space," she heard Jim say and she walked toward the sound of his voice.

_It'd figure that Jim would find the one crazy person going to the academy_, she thought as she continued towards the sound of his voice. She turned a corner and found Jim sitting next to a scruffy man drinking from a flask, who had been the one ranting, and a very stoic young man of color.

"And there she is. I was wondering if you'd find me," Jim said smiling up at her.

"You're not too hard find," she said before turning to the seat that was across from him, feeling the shuttle begin to shake as it prepped to fly.

Jim knew Ellie well enough to know she didn't care much for meeting new people, nor did she care at all for flying; but she sat silently in her seat looking almost bored and it made him smile to see her determination. He continued talking with McCoy, liking the man; trying to include Ellie in their conversation but she didn't make it easy.

"Did you know Ellie's a doctor too?" Jim said turning to her, his eyes hardening when he saw the slight roll of her eyes.

McCoy looked her over, having noticed her when she first turned the corner; she was still pretty when she wasn't smiling, but it hadn't really been her face he had been looking at. Though in truth her stern face and her barely concealed disdain for people tended to frighten people away.

"Aren't you a little young?" he asked disbelieving.

"I'm an intern," she said simply and looked away from him.

Jim sighed knowing she was not interested in making friends, she never had been; though he couldn't blame her after how many times she'd been hurt. He turned back to McCoy; "She's a second year surgical intern," he explained, knowing Ellie wouldn't.

McCoy nodded at the young man, not nearly friendly enough to say he liked Jim Kirk; in all honesty, Jim wasn't an easy person to like. McCoy looked back at the young woman, her wild blonde hair curled and her blue eyes staring without emotion; though he could see from the way her thumb kept tapping against her seatbelt that she was unhappy with being in the air, because other than her thumb she sat completely still.

He watched her thumb tap faster on the metal of the seatbelt, seeing her posture was rigid as she stared at nothing. The shuttle started shaking again as it landed and she nearly threw off her seatbelt and rushed off the shuttle, making him wonder if she was more afraid of flying than he was.

Ellie breathed deeply as she stood on the ground. That had not been her first time in a shuttle, her first had been almost two years ago when she accompanied her resident to another hospital to observe a difficult surgery their hospital had not been prepared for. Even after that, watching a man get his limbs reattached and most of his organs replaced after an incident in a machine, she had been on other shuttles though they had all been far smaller than the one she had just gotten off. She had gone with another doctor to retrieve donor organs, which was still common in lesser states, as well as shuttling patients who were transferring hospitals or had been in an accident. The last time she had flown had been to retrieve several patients from a building collapse, and the shuttle had gone down.

"You made it," Jim said softly as he squeezed her shoulder. "I told you," he said as he lead her to where the new recruits were being called. She gave him only a hint of a smile and he released her. "Ready to make trouble in space?"

* * *

_This is an idea that has been bothering me since I first saw the movie, and that probably has a lot to do with the actor playing Bones. I will do it like the movie and skip three years next chapter. However, if anyone's interested I could do a chapter on the three years in the Academy cause I think it's far fetched to just say three years later and bam, everyone's friends. _  
_So, Ellie's full name is Elenore Davis (maiden name of Jim's mother), and her father is Jim's uncle making them cousins. Jim's mother stayed with her brother after his father died, I'm just giving the uncle a daughter. And the uncle was said to be a real hard ass and Jim hated him, so Ellie's father was not nice to her at all. Her past will be brought up in the future, as well as more on when she had been in a "plane crash" but I guess that would not be the term since it was a shuttle. _  
_If you want me to keep writing please let me know. As well as if you want one chapter of her backstory and time in the Academy, which I may have in McCoy's POV of the things he learns about her. Please bring up any questions about her that you want me to answer so I can be sure to include them in later chapters. Thank you for reading._


	2. and everything will escape and I'll know

Jim had clapped McCoy on the shoulder with a laugh when they read the roster for roommates and saw they were together. McCoy had been less enthused, not really caring, though he was grateful he would be roomed with someone he knew even if he didn't know Jim well. McCoy found himself alone more often than not, Jim staying in another girl's room and coming back after McCoy'd fallen asleep.

In all honesty McCoy didn't mind Jim, he liked him even; though he wouldn't admit it. Jim did tread the thin line that was McCoy's patience, but Jim was quick to step back into his good graces. There was something about James Kirk, his resilience and fight, that had McCoy growing fond of him even if Jim did irritate him.

But having Jim as a roommate meant seeing Ellie daily, and she was not as friendly as her cousin. And try as he might, Jim could not convince Ellie to try to befriend McCoy.

"I'm not here for friends," she told him.

"What are you gonna do if he's on the same ship as you?" Jim asked hotly. "Can't you at least try?"

"No, Jim I can't!" she yelled before stalking off.

And that was the end of Jim trying to get her to be friendly. But Bones, which Jim had taken to calling McCoy, studied in the same hospital as Ellie and they worked close together on many cases.

It was when they were working together that Bones discovered why she didn't like flying.

"Dr. Davis," the hospital's chief Dr. Sullivan called to her.

"Chief Sullivan," Ellie said in greeting. "Is there something you need me to do?"

"Yes," she said pleasantly, "and you too Dr. McCoy," she said looking to Bones. "The knowledge of your incident came with your file, and both the Academy and I feel it would be best for you to be on many of the shuttles that come and go from the hospital until you can fly comfortably."

McCoy had watched the shock and then refusal cross her face at the chief's words. "I don't think I could do that, I mean I have my patients and I don't think I could leave them and I still have my studies," Ellie said quickly giving any excuse she could.

"That won't be a problem, you would only need to fly at least once a month. Take a breath Dr. Davis, I promise your shuttle won't go down."

He was shocked when he heard that Ellie had been in a shuttle crash, realizing he didn't know much about her at all. "I'm sorry Chief Sullivan," he said getting the chief's attention, "but why did you choose me to fly with her?" he asked not wanting to fly anymore than she did.

"I figured she would do better if she had a friend and quite frankly you were the first person I saw near her," the chief explained. "You two will be flying tomorrow to retrieve lungs for a patient."

And that settled it, they were to fly once a month together; and McCoy was not happy about it and doubly angry that he was having to fly because of her. Though his thoughts changed when he saw her the next day staring at the shuttle wide eyed and pale.

"Elenore," a voice called getting both their attention and they turned to see Captain Pike. "Ready to fly?" he asked knowing without seeing the way her hands shook that she wasn't.

"You're piloting?" she asked, her voice calmer than she was. Even McCoy could see she was terrified, wondering why she was so afraid now when she hadn't been on the shuttle to the Academy.

"I volunteered to fly the shuttles you would be in," Pike told her with a small smile. "Figured you'd be more comfortable with me since I got you here safely."

Ellie gave a short laugh of unbelief. "Starfleet is giving me special treatment."

"You're a special case, Elenore," Pike told her gently. "You were the top surgical intern in your hospital and you not only survived the crash but you helped keep four of them alive for three days despite their condition. That's an impressive feat, something Starfleet is looking for in their recruits."

"Really?" Ellie asked nearly sneering, taking both Pike and McCoy by surprise with her cold tone. "Do you know what happened after the shuttled crashed? Does Starfleet? Yeah, I saved four people but nine died. One of them was my best friend, did Starfleet know that? Or that when we were finally found she had been stripped to the bone by wild animals?" Tears could be heard in her voice and seen shining in her eyes, though her face was angry. "I'm not flying," she said quietly as she turned away.

"Get on the shuttle," Pike ordered her but she shook her head as she kept walking. "Get on the shuttle Elenore!" Pike yelled and she turned to him wide eyed.

"I can't," she said, tears filling her eyes and she turned away again.

Pike sighed before looking to the McCoy. "You ready?"

"Like hell I'm flying if she's not," he answered following after her, though in truth he was concerned; she didn't seem like the kind of person to cry or give up and yet she was doing both. He didn't like her, but he didn't have to in order to feel sympathy for her.

Pike had managed to pull enough strings to get Jim to fly with her until she could get on the shuttle without him, it being obvious she couldn't fly without him yet, and within a year she could fly on a shuttle without being petrified; she wasn't happy, but she wasn't as afraid. And as Bones flew with her every time he slowly grew used to being in the air, as equally as unhappy as she was. And they were both relieved when they weren't obligated to fly anymore.

But his sympathy for Ellie quickly waned as he worked more with her, and though she offered her patient's comfort and she proved she was a gifted student, there wasn't emotion behind her actions.

"Can I ask you something about Ellie?" McCoy asked Jim as they settled in their rooms for the night, one of the few times Jim stayed in his own bed.

"Yeah, what do you wanna know?"

"Has she always been so hard or is it because of the accident?" McCoy asked him.

Jim was silent for a while, wondering how to explain her. "It has a lot to do with the crash but I guess she's been like this awhile," he answered. "She's not as hard as she lets on."

McCoy nodded, knowing it wasn't his place to question further even if he wanted to. But he needn't say anything because Jim could see the unbelief on his face.

"Give her time, you'll see she's actually pretty great," Jim insisted though Bones found that hard to believe. Ellie didn't make it easy to believe, she treated her patients well and cared for them well as well as proving she would be a great surgeon when she assisted her residents.

But Jim was right, all Bones needed was to give her time. The first time he had seen that she actually did care was when he realized he liked her more than he had thought; that over the time they had spent together because of the hospital or because of Jim they had become friends.

"Thomas Peterson age thirty seven, came in complaining of chest pains," Ellie said when he came to look at the man's chart.

"It's really nothing I feel fine now," Thomas said looking to Bones.

"He just wants to be discharged so he can take his son fishing," Ellie explained. "I'm sorry Mr. Perterson but we don't take chest pain lightly. I'll try to make it as quick as possible," she said before turning her full attention to Bones. "I sent his blood to the lab but scanning's backed up for a hour, what do you wanna do?"

He looked over the electronic chart to see Thomas had high blood pressure. "I say we wait."

"Do you know how long?" Thomas asked.

"It could take a while," Ellie told him. "But we don't know what's going on yet and there are a number of things it could be that can't be diagnosed without the lab results and a CT of your chest."

"Sorry, that's probably my son," Thomas said when his communicator rang. "Hey Max," he said in greeting. "No, the nice doctor said I might be here for a little bit longer. Could you tell him?" Thomas asked holding the phone out for Ellie.

Bones watched amused as Ellie took the phone and said hello to Max. "Your daddy is sitting here patiently and talking to us, I'd say that's a good sign. You'll be fishing with him in no time, Max," she said with a small smile. "I can answer one more question," she said and then waited for him to ask. Bones' brow rose when she laughed. "No, a watermelon won't grow in your stomach if you eat the seeds."

"He's seven," Thomas told Bones in explanation. "This is the first weekend I've had off from work so I could take him fishing, he's been begging for months."

"We'll get you out as soon as we can when we're sure your health is stable," Bones told him.

"Five is the best time in the morning to fish," Thomas said, knowing he would miss it. "It's only an hour away."

"He wants to talk to you," Ellie said, saving Bones from having to respond. "I have another patient are you good to stay with him if he has anymore questions?" she asked Bones quietly while Thomas talked on his phone.

"Backed up an hour?" he asked and she nodded.

"Welcome to the night shift."

The hour went by faster than they thought, to which Bones left to check on his other patients, getting a page saying Thomas was coding.

In the end Bones restarted Thomas' heart and Ellie called the cardio surgeon to meet them in CT. "Is that a tear in his aorta?" Ellie asked once they looked at the scans.

"We need to operate immediately," the cardio surgeon said. "Even then we might not save him."

The surgeon had been right, they hadn't been able to save him. "You did all you could, these are hard to catch and by then it's too late."

Ellie and Bones nodded though neither of them was pleased their patient had died. The cardio surgeon left Bones and Ellie standing by the main desk. Bones was about to excuse himself when they heard Thomas' phone ring. "I'll get it," Ellie said softly.

Bones watched as she held the phone for a moment and hesitated before answering it.

"Hello," she answered, her voice strained. "Hi Max, it's your daddy's doctor" she said and Bones could hear the tears in her voice. "Can I talk to your mom?" she asked nearly crying, and Bones placed a hand on her shoulder; giving her the only comfort he could as she told Mrs. Peterson her husband was dead.

The second time Bones saw that Ellie cared was when he started falling in love with her; though he didn't know it at the time.

* * *

_This chapter is only part of the three years in the Academy (I believe it goes into their second year), going partially into her past but it does explain why she doesn't like flying. And it's mostly all from_ Bones' point of view. _This will continue next chapter because it got too long, and more about her past is revealed there and possibly the start of the movie. __I figured since Jim and Bones became such good friends in the Academy that they would have been roommates, so that is my reasoning behind doing that._

_I would like to thank those who have favorited and followed, it means a lot. And especially to the two who have reviewed. I will say I don't typically continue updates when reviews are low so I'll give it a few more chapters to see if I'll continue. So if you would like me to keep writing then please let me know._


	3. one of these days the mountains'll fall

Though Ellie and Bones were friends, the lowest form of a friend a person could have, they rarely got along. Neither of them was pleasant to be around but both of them were great doctors, and because of Bones' surgical experience as well as his being a medical officer he was often paired at the hospital with one of the surgical residents; which Ellie had studied hard to be the best and she was normally who he worked with.

But two unpleasant, cantankerous, emotionally scarred doctors eventually got under each other's skin to the point where they could hardly speak to one another; even if they were the closest of friends, which Bones and Ellie were not.

"I need your help with something."

McCoy looked down to see Ellie staring up at him expectantly. "I'm busy," he said shortly, turning away from her with his charts in hand.

"With what?" she asked walking in step with him.

He sighed rolling his eyes knowing she wouldn't let up until he agreed, one thing he knew ran in her and Jim's family cause they were exactly alike in their stubbornness. "My patients," he answered letting his irritation show in his voice, "you should be busy with yours as well."

"This is about my patient," she said stepping in front of him making him stop short.

He stared down at her, liking her only slightly more than when he'd first met her, knowing as much about her then as he did now; only now he knew why she hated flying.

"Please," she said, and though he could see in her eyes she was sincere he could also see that she hated asking.

He sighed heavily before answering; "What do you need?"

Her face brightened, only slightly, but from her usual somber expression it was noticeable. "My patient was in an accident and received a traumatic brain injury so she's not able to get out of her bed yet, and she was pregnant and the baby was delivered five and half months too soon so he's not able to leave the NICU and she really wants to see him. So tonight when most of the doctors have gone home I'm going to take her over there to see her son," she said quickly, as though he would interrupt at any moment which he had done to her numerous times before.

"What do you need my help with?"

"Well," she said trailing off without looking at him.

"This hasn't been permitted yet, has it?" he asked realizing what she was requesting.

"Come on Bones," she said surprising him at the use of the name Jim insisted on calling him. "She's been crying for two months because she can't see him other than the pictures I've taken and he's getting bigger, and she's upset cause she can barely straighten her hand. And she just really wants to see her son," Ellie said nearly begging.

Her request was a selfless one wrought with compassion and McCoy didn't think she knew that part of her was showing; he hadn't believed Jim when he said his cousin cared for her patients but now McCoy didn't know what to think. "Am I supposed to be your lookout?"

"No I have someone. There's IVs and machines she's hooked up to still and I'd be more comfortable if I had a medical officer there rather than another surgeon. And the NICU guy will bring the baby to the window so my patient can see him; the nurses there are full of bleeding hearts. Please just say you'll do it," she said growing frustrated.

"Alright," he told her shaking his head.

She let out a breath and smiled. "Thanks," she said looking at him kinder than she ever had, surprising him yet again. "I'll come find you when we're ready," she said before leaving, her smile slipping away.

"How was your day?" Jim asked when McCoy got back to their room at the Academy.

"It was fine," he answered laying on his bed exhausted, not wanting to talk about his day until he slept.

"Ellie told me you helped her," Jim said with a smile, glad they were getting along again even if it was for a brief time. Jim was quickly seeing Bones was becoming a good friend, something he hadn't really had, and he knew his cousin resisted getting close to people.

Bones threw his arm over his face, shielding his eyes from the light. "I was wrong," he said finally, hating to admit that.

Jim smirked triumphantly. "I told you she was caring, you just had to look for it."

Bones felt a corner of his mouth turn up as he remembered the way Ellie had smiled as she watched her patient see her son for the first time, a smile that was so natural on her face because she didn't know anyone was watching her. But what he had really noticed was how blue her eyes were in contrast to the blue of her scrubs, and then his eyes had roamed to the way her scrubs hung from her hips. "Yeah," he mumbled sleepily.

Jim looked over at Bones. "If it's worth anything, I think she does like you."

Bones lifted his arm and turned to look at him skeptically. "She has a great way of showing it."

Jim sighed and nodded. "I know," he agreed, knowing Bones didn't understand why Ellie was so cold. "Her father was," he said trailing off, knowing it was not his pain to tell.

Bones watched as Jim thought of what to say, wondering what Ellie's childhood had been like to make her so hard; knowing Jim's uncle had been a rough, mean spirited man.

"He didn't make it easy for her to trust people wouldn't hurt her," Jim said finally.

Bones sat up interested, finding himself wanting to know more about her. "What about her mother?" He watched as Jim looked back to his book, surprised Jim was even studying though they did have a test coming up. "Jim?" he asked wondering what wasn't being said, until he understood. "What happened?"

"That's something for her to tell you," Jim said flipping through the pages of his book.

Bones laid back down knowing Jim wouldn't say more.

"Well I have plans," Jim said throwing his book on the bed and going to the door.

"Those plans involve a girl's bed?" Bones grumbled from where he lay.

"See you later," Jim said with a laugh before leaving Bones to sleep.

It was a few months before Bones was given his answer, and at that time he was wondering what compassion he had seen in her at all.

"Our patient's liver and kidneys will be here in hour," Ellie said pleasantly as she came to stand beside him.

Bones looked down at her appalled. "Yeah?" he asked rudely taking her aback.

"Yeah, that's a good thing right?" she asked now unsure.

"I don't know, Dr. Davis, is it a good thing?" he asked knowing he was practically insulting her by not using her name, which he could see in the surprise on her face.

"He would die without this transplant, Bones," she said defensively, though she still called him by name. "So yeah, I think it's good. Why are you making this into something bad?"

"I don't know Ellie," he nearly yelled, "maybe because someone just died. Maybe because a family is now grieving and you're standing here happy about it. My god, woman, do you feel anything?" he demanded. "Why do you do this?" he asked. "Why did you become a surgeon it's obvious you don't really like people? I get you had a crap dad but why a surgeon? Why do _you_ want to help people?"

She stared up at him wide eyed, hurt splayed across her face which he momentarily saw before she masked it. She opened her mouth to respond before turning and walking away, leaving him angry with her and himself.

He saw her next in the OR, not a single ounce of happiness or any other emotion in her eye as she helped in the surgery. Her attending praised her natural skill and within a few hours the transplant was complete. She left before he could speak to her, wanting to apologize for overstepping though she didn't give him a chance. But the more he thought on it the more he realized he had been right, she was cold and distant; other than her surgical skill she was not made to be a doctor, she did not have what it took to care for people.

He looked up from where he sat on his bed, seeing Ellie in the doorway. "Jim's not here," he told her before turning back to his medical book. He looked up after a few minutes to see her still standing in the doorway looking at him.

"You asked why I do this? Why I wanted to be a surgeon," she said before coming to sit on the edge of his bed. "When I was eleven my mother and I were in a car accident. Her chest was open and she was bleeding everywhere," Ellie said without looking at him, pausing as she fought the tears knotting her throat. "I tried to hold her chest closed so she wouldn't bleed so much, and her heart," she said, her voice breaking. "Her heart stopped in my hands."  
Her eyes were filled with tears when she looked up at him and he watched as she blinked them away. "That's why I do this. My crap father, who blamed me for being the one to live, is why I have a hard time letting people in. But my mother is why I save lives, and you don't get to judge me for that."

He nodded, feeling ashamed for judging or assuming anything about her when he truly knew so little of her life. He also realized that even when she was cold and mean that she cared, he had seen the chinks in her armor on more than one occasion.

"I am sorry for that family's loss," she told him. "But I got to tell a wife that she had the rest of her life to love her husband. And I got to happily tell his children that they still had father. So I am not sorry for being happy he got his organs, and you don't get to judge me for that either."

He looked at her, really looked at her, and saw the unbearably sad woman underneath her stone exterior; knowing only Jim had seen this side of her. She really was beautiful if he looked at her hard enough, to see past her coldness; to see the remnants of her warm smile. They sat for a few moments just staring at each other, Jim being the reason they were trying so hard to like each other when the other made it so difficult.

"Oh there you are," Jim said when he saw her in his room. He looked between Bones and Ellie knowing something had happened and he almost sighed at them bickering again. "You ready, Elle?"

"Yeah," she said softly, still looking at Bones, before standing and leaving without looking back.

_Year three in Academy_

At the time it happened Bones had not felt anything but fear; he had felt Ellie shaking in his arms, had felt his own body shaking as he held her tight against him, the whole world was shaking it seemed. It was not until hours after as he thought of what had happened that he realized he had developed even the slightest of feelings for her.

It started early in the morning, their first patient; hours after he couldn't remember what they had been arguing about, and he thought it foolish in light of what was to come. He hadn't remembered why they were in an empty patient room at first; they had been yelling at each other he remembered days later, their patient's cancer had spread too far and Ellie wanted to discharge them to go home – he of course called her cold and heartless for sending a patient home to die even though that's what they ended up doing a few days later.

What had silenced them both was when the ground beneath their feet shifted and a loud roar bellowed in their ears. Bones didn't think before wrapping his arms around her and holding her close, nor did she think in trusting him enough to wrap her own arms around his waist until the shaking stopped.

"The hell was that?" he mumbled into her hair, staring outside the room to see other people as shocked and confused as he was. "You alright?" he asked looking down at her.  
"Yeah, I'm fine," she answered looking up at him. "Are you?"

He nodded, realizing he was still holding her pressed firm against him; tight enough he could feel her chest pushing against his as she breathed.

There were some days when he thought back on what happened that he convinced himself his memory was wrong, that he had not actually done it. But there were other days, when Ellie was near him in body or thought, when he realized what he'd done.

She had been so close to him, her mouth not even inches from his own and he had barely thought about what he was doing. But even as he moved his head closer he knew he could never take it back. She moved away from him, at least he thought so some days; there were others when he remembered her staring up at him expectantly, almost as though she was waiting for him to kiss her.

"A tanker exploded, we need all hands on deck," a doctor called pulling them apart. And that had been the end of that, they hadn't spoken of it, hadn't given an indication that it had ever happened; but it was a thought they both continued to fall back on.

* * *

_The purpose of the last line was to show that it's not just Bones thinking about Ellie or finding himself liking her, Ellie thinks about Bones too (not sure if that was clear or not, it is in my head but I have all the answers so that does you little good). The start of this chapter was somewhere in their second year at the Academy, to which Ellie is now a resident rather than an intern. The second part is a few months before the story, and the next chapter will be a month before the planet Vulcan is attacked, cause that'll be the actual start of Ellie's journey. So next chapter I'm back to movie-verse, which I'm very excited for. _

_Thank you all for reading, and to those who have followed, favorited, or reviewed; it means a lot to me. I love getting reviews (even if they're critism) cause they are the only way I know how the chapter was and if it was good. Also, how are you readers liking Ellie? Cause I'm not sure if she's likeable at this point (cause she is a hard person to like sometimes), and I'm trying to show she's so hard and cold because she's been hurt. But that she does actually care about people. I just don't know whether that's coming out in my writing or not._


	4. into the sea and they'll know

"Elenore, just the person I was looking for."

Ellie turned to see Captain Pike coming towards her. She had just taken the shuttlebus back from the hospital after her shift and she had been sluggishly walking back to the dorms discussing a patient with Bones. "Hey Captain Pike," she said tiredly offering him not even a hint of a smile.

"You look exhausted," he said when he reached where she was standing and he gave a short hello to Bones who had stopped behind her when she'd been called.

"I just got off of a 72 hour shift, I don't think exhausted covers half of it," she said in return and he smiled. "Why were you looking for me?"

His smile grew. "I know you said you wouldn't talk about it but my offer still stands, and now I'm here to ask again."

She sighed trying not to smile. "You still want me?" she asked, feeling more flattered than she let on.

Bones stood behind her confused, the words they were exchanging not explaining the true meaning behind what was being said.

"Of course I do. You're the best surgical resident in the Academy, not an easy feat I might add. You are exactly the person I want aboard my ship," he told her with a smile.

Ellie was quiet as she thought, staring hard at Pike. "I want Bones," she said simply.

"What?"

"Bones, Dr. Leonard McCoy, my senior medical officer. If you want me I want Bones," she clarified surprising both men.

Pike looked behind Ellie to see the grumpy looking man behind her. "I've requested you on my ship every year since you joined. I was just told should you ace your boards you will be my surgical attending," he told her. "Three years I've been asking. Your history gives you some leniency, _some_. I can't guarantee he'll be with you, you'll have to leave it to chance. And I'm afraid I can't ask, I gave it all up for you."

Ellie exhaled loudly before nodding. "Alright. My boards are in a month, I'll guess we'll see then."

Pike smiled. "I go up in three days," he said watching as consternation spread across your face. "Your boards will be held tomorrow."

"What?" she cried outraged making him laugh. "That is not enough time, I have to study."

"You better get to it," he said still chuckling as he walked away.

Ellie turned wide eyes up to Bones. "That's not enough time," she told him dazedly.

Her boards were not what was on his mind. "You want me to be your chief medical officer?" he asked, swallowing the warmth that was spreading in his chest.

"You already are," she said casually, not understanding what he was asking about.

"Yes, but we could be forced together for years," he clarified.

"We have been working together for three years. We've become like a unit, a team. We finish each other's thoughts in the OR, we go over cases together and research for them," she said sounding more professional than emotional.

He nodded, berating himself for thinking she wanted him because she liked him as a person. "We do work well together," he said in agreement.

"Besides," she said as they continued towards the dorms, "I don't like making friends. And quite frankly people are usually scared of me. Like hell I'm gonna be forced to make another friend."

"So we're friends then?" he asked looking down at her, stopping when she did.

She looked away from him uncomfortably. "Yeah, Bones, we're friends. Whatever," she mumbled before she resumed walking.

"Whatever," he said softly in agreement, wondering just what it is was she felt for him. He stopped again when she did and he looked down into her wide eyes.

"My boards are tomorrow," she whispered, the meaning of those words settling around her. "The biggest test of my medical career is tomorrow and I haven't studied for it," she said, her voice rising with each word. "What if they ask me something and I don't know the answer? What if I answer something wrong? What if I completely freeze and I can't answer anything? What if I fail!?" She asked him all of this panicked, her eyes wide and her voice shrill.

"Hey," he said silencing her, grabbing her shoulders. "You are a damn good doctor, and Captain Pike just offered you the opportunity of a lifetime. Suck it up," he ordered, shaking her every so often as he spoke. He released her when she didn't say anything. "I'll help you study," he said before walking towards the boys dorms. "Are you coming?" he asked impatiently when he turned to see her still standing where he'd left her.

She studied all night, giving herself four hours to sleep. Jim and Bones both held a medical book and gave her various scenarios which she had to give her plan for action and then the reason behind it. Though she did not let it show she was a mass of raw nerves, from the moment they started studying and until she got her results the second day after.

"I passed," she said in shock as she held the paper, standing in Jim and Bones' doorway.

"Yes!" Jim exclaimed before hugging her tightly, taking her off her feet. They were both laughing when he put her down.

She looked up at him smiling. "I'm an attending," she said with a laugh before looking back at the paper.

"So when are you leaving?" Jim asked knowing that meant she would be heading to space, the slightest bit unhappy she was leaving not only before him but also without him.

"Tomorrow," she said and as she exhaled she realized for the first time that she would be going into space without him.

"You're gonna be fine," he assured her quickly, seeing the worry rising in her eyes. "Pike will your captain, he'll take care of you. So no worrying," he ordered. "We're celebrating tonight," he declared turning to Bones. "Bones you're coming too, right?"

"Of course Bones is coming," Ellie said before he could answer, turning her bright blue eyes to his which hadn't left her face since she had come to their room. "He's the reason I passed."

"I helped too," Jim said in defense.

"You left in the middle to go screw some girl," she told him. "Bones is the one that helped, and he's most likely gonna be the one to take me back to my room cause you'll be too busy screwing someone else."

Bones snorted at the truth in her words before grabbing his jacket and following the bickering cousins out of the door.

Ellie had been right, they had arrived at the nearest bar and within an hour Jim had left their table to chat up a girl; a very pretty blue Andorian woman whom he left with shortly after. "That didn't take long," Ellie said before tipping her shot glass and downing her tequila.

"You wanna go home in another hour?" Bones asked cradling a glass of the strongest alcohol the bar had.

"Tomorrow morning I am going to go into space," she said as she raised a finger telling the bartender she wanted another shot. "And I'm not gonna have Jim. Or you," she added as an afterthought. "I wanna drink until my liver fails."

He chuckled lightly before downing his own drink and asking for another. "Alright then."

They sat talking for another two hours, getting drunker by the minute – their tongues growing looser as they became drunker. They stumbled their way back to their dorms, ending up at Jim and Bones' instead of hers, not a clear thought in either of their heads.

Their minds were foggy, their judgement impaired, care and caution thrown to the wind as their tongues only let loose of the truth. "I almost kissed you," Bones slurred. "When that tanker exploded."

"Hmm," Ellie said nodding her head, her lips pursed slightly as she tried to unglue her tongue from the roof of her mouth.

"What would you do if I kissed you now?" he asked backing her against his door.

"What I did then," she said simply as she stared up at him.

"And what's that?"

She smiled looking at him. "I'd wait for you to do it."

That was all it took for him in his drunken state to crash his lips upon hers, pressing her against the wall with his body.

She woke the next morning to a pounding in her head, as though someone was marching to a beat in her ear. She hit the button on her watch to make it stop beeping, remembering she was leaving today. She stared down at her bare body in shock before her eyes traveled up from the legs tangled with hers to see Bones. The night before came flooding back; the drinking and talking, him kissing her, their clothes coming off not long after, and then the sex – and good God if he wasn't good in bed. Her throbbing head was momentarily forgotten as she stared in astonishment at his sleeping face, and then she was left not knowing what to do.

He groaned at the ache surrounding his head, wrapping tight around him leaving him barely able to move. This was not a new feeling to him, but he never got used to it. He casually noted his unclothed body, having come out of a drunk stupor naked before, until he remembered Ellie. _She left_, was the first thing he thought, not knowing who he was more angry with; her for leaving without saying anything or him for expecting more out of her.

So to say he was surprised when she came out of the bathroom in her uniform was an understatement. He took the water and the tablet she offered him and just looked at her as she sat on the edge of the bed. She didn't do much more than him, and so they sat there staring at each other not knowing what to say.

Her watch beeped again. "I have to go," she said softly as she silenced it.

"Yeah," he said in agreement. He wanted to kiss her again, remembering just what her full lips felt like beneath his, remembering the taste of her mouth on his tongue; her mouth had not been the only part of her he'd tasted, she was glorious. He didn't though, he let her leave without a word.

And even though she was in the same mind as him, wanting to feel his strong hands roaming her body, she did nothing. She closed his door and headed for the launchpad. And then she was gone.

* * *

_So "butterflies in the stomach" doesn't really fit with Bones, so I didn't put it. But she does churn something in him and I wasn't sure if I made that at all clear in this chapter. Next chapter will be a month later and it'll start on the day Vulcan is attacked, so now I'm on to the movie. Please let me know what you thought, and thank you for reading._


	5. that you and I were made for this

_Four weeks later_

Jim saw a familiar face coming towards him, a rare joyous smile gracing her lips, golden curls framing her face. "Ellie," he called happily before rushing forward and wrapping her in his arms, squeezing her smaller frame as tight as he could. In truth the two hadn't gone without seeing each other for more than a week their entire lives, it had been a long month. "What are you doing back?"

"It was a mandatory ship test to make sure everything was running smooth; it had never been flown before. Captain Pike said I wasn't allowed back on his ship until I graduated," she told him, her arms still wrapped around his neck.

"Good, we can celebrate after the ceremony," he said releasing her. "You look great." And she did. She wore the typical blue dress and black turtleneck uniform that showed her field was in science.

He asked her questions about space, and about being aboard the Enterprise, as he lead her to his room. "You know what?" he asked when they got to the door. "You came back just in time to help with my Kobayashi test."

She smiled apologetically. "I don't have classes at the Academy anymore, I'm gonna be staying at the hospital. Maybe I could watch," she suggested.

"And see me pass," he told her confidently.

"What did you do?" she asked as she followed him into the room, knowing his smile to be one of mischief.

"You'll see tomorrow," he said before greeting Bones. "You're never gonna guess who I ran into," he said before Bones looked to the doorway to see Ellie.

"Hi," he said lamely, too surprised at seeing her to think of something else to say.

"Hey Bones," she said in return, having thought and found nothing to say. She couldn't think of him without remembering the night before she left, and that stirred too many things in her stomach and so she refused to think of him at all; Bones was in the same boat, though seeing Jim made it difficult to push her out of his mind. She was haunting him, and he almost hated her for it. Though at the moment he could barely tear his eyes away from her legs.

"We're going out tonight, you wanna join us?" Jim asked Ellie.

"Sorry, I'm supposed to go see Chief Sullivan. I'm literally going to be staying at the hospital until I graduate. It's supposed to keep me in the same mindset I was in on the ship," she explained, not happy about sleeping on the hospital cots or hospital food.

Jim and Bones joined her on the bus, talking briefly of space before her stop came. "I'll come see you when I can," she told Jim before saying goodbye to Bones and stepping off the bus. Both men watched as she walked toward the entrance, though Bones' eyes trailed to the sway of her hips in her blue dress.

"She's back," Jim said breaking Bones out of his reverie.

"Yeah," he said startled, hoping Jim hadn't seen him eying Ellie.

"Admit it," Jim said nudging him, "you like her."

Bones gave a short laugh shaking his head, but in truth he did; looking past her coldness and unfriendliness he could see she was a good person, one who cared and showed compassion. It's just she was a little damaged, and he couldn't fault her for that when he was exactly the same; it didn't stop him from getting exasperated with her when she would view a patient as something to cut instead of a person.

She was back three days when Jim took the Kobayashi Maru, and she was shocked when he passed; suspicious of his debonair attitude because she knew him well enough to know he'd done something. Though the vulcan she had stood next to as she observed was more shocked than she was, and she knew trouble would come of his success.

"How'd you do it?" she asked Jim later that night when he came to the hospital to see her and Bones.

"I guess I was just smarter than the test," Jim said coyly as he shoved food in his mouth.

Bones rolled his eyes scoffing and Ellie only raised a brow. "You forget how well I know you, Jimmy," she said, making him smile with the use of the name she'd called him when they were kids; when he most often found himself in trouble.

"Well I am going to celebrate," he said taking his tray and standing.

"Don't get anyone pregnant," Ellie said and Bones snorted at the look on Jim's face.

Bones and Ellie finished eating mostly in silence, neither knowing what to say; neither one of them being known for their abilities at small talk.

"So who was your chief medical officer?" Bones asked after a while of quiet.

"Dr. Puri," Ellie said without elaborating.

_At least one thing hasn't changed_, he thought, her being known for her short answers. "Did you like him?"

"Yeah I guess," she said with a shrug, and Bones felt something he didn't like churn in his gut at hearing that. "Have you ever met someone so nice you just wanted to hit them?" she asked.

Bones looked at her before giving a small laugh. And that was that, they settled back into their routine of being pleasant to one another until something happened and they were at each other's throats. But in the week she returned, a few fights they had that ended in them yelling at each other before storming off only to be fine the next time, many hours they spent at the hospital together where they actually got along, and not once did they talk about their having slept together. That's not to say they didn't think about it; they thought about it often, no way of pushing the memory from their minds when they spent so much time together at work.

Their third year was coming to a close, and for Jim that meant another year before he would graduate from the academy much like many other cadets. Ellie however would graduate at the end of the third year, her boards being her final exams but she had already passed them. She was surprised to find that she missed being able to look out of a window and see the blackness of space and possibility. Never had she thought she would miss being on a starship.

"You are to report back to the USS Enterprise where you will be deployed," Chief Sullivan told Ellie.

"I thought I had to graduate," Ellie said confused, though not unhappy.

"It's an emergency. I can honestly say it has been a pleasure watching you grow here," Chief Sullivan said before Ellie left.

"Elenore," Captain Pike greeted when he saw her approaching his ship. "Good to have you again."

"I'm glad to be back," she admitted honestly.

He smiled broadly, knowing she had enjoyed being in space. "Dr. Puri will need you on deck six," he told her and she agreed before they both entered the shuttle that would fly them back to the Enterprise.

It was not not long after before she spotted a familiar face. "You've been stationed on the Enterprise?" she asked Bones when she saw him.

"Yeah I have," he answered nearly smiling down at her, having forgotten she was stationed here too. "I have to go to the medical bay."

"I'm helping prepare for the worst," she told him, both of them knowing that meant getting the supplies together. "Is Jim here?"

He looked around before pulling her to the side. "He was brought to counsel under the charge of cheating on his Kobayashi Maru, that's where we were when the distress call was sent out" he told her quietly.

"I knew he cheated," Ellie said outraged, both at Jim for his stupidity and arrogance and at knowing he would not be allowed on board any starship until the matter was settled.

"Yeah well I snuck him on," Bones grumbled and Ellie looked up at him surprised.

"Really?" she asked both with hope and impressed.

"He's in the sick bay knocked out," he told her. "I gotta go," he said before leaving.

Ellie returned to deck six, gathering the supplies that were brought on to the ship and putting them where they needed to go so they could be found. She unloaded six boxes of medical supplies, feeling the movement of the ship as it hit warp speed, and then felt it flying unsteadily.

She had just finished and was making for the door when the Enterprise was hit. The last thing Ellie saw was the edge of a cabinet before the world went dark and she knew no more.


	6. I was made to taste your kiss

"Dr. McCoy, we need you on deck six," a nurse said intercepting him as he walked towards the medical wing.

"I was just heading to the medical wing to see to those who were injured," he informed her without stopping.

"They're all on deck six, Doctor," the nurse told him.

Bones finally stopped and turned to look at her. "Deck six you said?" he asked and she nodded. "Make sure the sick bay is ready for them," he told her as he rushed to six. It wasn't until he was half way there that he remembered that was where Ellie was.

The deck had received the worst of the hit; desks and chairs and cabinets were overturned, people were either standing trying to help or on the ground unable to. The electrical lines were exposed and sparking, not allowing for much light except from small fires the sparks created. He was relieved when he saw a ponytail of blond curls helping someone, glad he didn't have to worry about her anymore.

"Where's Dr. Puri?" he asked behind her, helping a man with a broken leg.

"That depends," Ellie replied, helping her own patient who was nearly covered in severe burns.

"On what?"

"What part of him you're looking for," she answered gruffly, in no mood to talk.

Bones looked over her at her shocked but she didn't turn his way; their chief medical officer was dead. It was barely ten minutes later when Spock, the Enterprise's acting captain, called for Dr. Puri.

"It's McCoy," Bones answered. "Dr. Puri was on deck six, he's dead." He waited impatiently for Spock to answer.

"Then you have just inherited his responsibility as chief medical officer," Spock declared.

"Yeah tell me something I _don't_ know," Bones answered irritably before moving to help someone else.

The people who had been the furthest on the deck were either dead, missing a limb, or severely burned, which the doctors and nurses had to treat immediately to prevent infection. Those who were in the middle of the room had minor burns, sprains or breaks, or many head injuries. Those who were closest to the stairwell were mostly bruised, a few had broken bones, and they also had head injuries.

Bones and Ellie, as well as the other doctors and nurses, were busy for hours. To which Bones got a look at Ellie's face; seeing the dark red gash on her forehead.

"You need to get that stitched," he told her when he was helping someone near her.

"I'm fine for now. There's people who are hurt worse, I'll get it looked at later," she told him before moving on to help someone else.

Ellie saw Jim come to the medical wing, which they had moved everyone to, and she set him on a stool before wrapping his sprained wrist. "What happened?"

"Pike's gone," he told her and she stilled for a moment, shocked at his words.

"What else?" she asked as she resumed wrapping his hand.

"Vulcan's destroyed," he said just as somberly; his seriousness not being something he was known for. And even without him saying anything else she knew he was upset with himself, it was just who he was – to take the blame for most everything he could not stop.

She finished with Jim before moving on to someone else, it seeming like there was always going to be someone else for her to look at. By the time the chaos melted away and the panic died down Ellie's head was pounding hard enough to make her sick.

"Come here," Bones ordered before sitting her down. "Take this."

She swallowed the pill he gave her wishing it would have worked immediately. "I'm fine," she insisted, knowing she was still needed; having already set a few bones and stitched up some others, as well as trying to keep as many burns as clean and protected as possible. After hours of that she was absolutely drained, having lost a good deal amount of blood.

"No, you've got an open wound that I need to stitch and if we're lucky only a concussion," he told her, holding her head still as he dabbed away the dried blood. It would have been easier if she'd gotten her head looked at earlier, having to peel away scabs and clean the opened wound so he could stitch it. She flinched and winced and cursed at him, him having stopped apologizing for hurting her though in truth he was not trying to be gentle.

"Goddammit, Bones," she cried when he pulled off the last scab, blood starting to flow down her forehead.

"You should have gotten this looked at when I told you to," he said crossly, wiping the blood with a rag before he began stitching it.

"Yeah and when should I have done that?" she asked hotly. "When I was searching for someone's arm, or maybe before I reattached it. Or how about when I was setting five people's broken bones. Or maybe I should have just said 'screw it, I'm hurt too,' and just not done anything at all," she said turning away from him, trying to push him off of her.

He grabbed her chin and jerked her head so he was facing him. "Hold still," he ordered.

"Or what?" she asked challenging him.

He stared at her angry eyes for a moment before responding. "I'll sit on you."

She grit her teeth before complying, knowing he would keep to his threat. He stood with one of her legs between his, trying to look as close to the wound as he could so he could ensure his stitches didn't leave a scar. Neither one of them were happy, with each other or what had happened; and neither one of them were known for being at all pleasant when they were unhappy. And yet neither Bones nor Ellie missed how close they were to each other, and that put them both on edge.

He tied the last stitch before cutting it, covering the wound with a clear bandage before placing a hand on either side of her and stood staring at her.

"What?" she asked put off by him being so close to her.

"How are you feeling?"

Her brows furrowed. "My head hurts," she told him irritably.

He rolled his eyes nearly growling. "The wound was deep I'm guessing you hit your head pretty hard which can cause a lot of damage," he told her not missing when she winced at his raised voice. "So I'll ask you again; how are you feeling?"

"My head hurts," she told him again, though this time she was more sincere in her answer he didn't catch that she was.

"Good god, woman," he growled before pressing around where she had hit her head, having no patience to deal with her.

"Ow!" she said through clenched teeth. "I don't have a depressed skull fracture," she told him shoving his hands his away.

"How could you know that?" he demanded.

"Because I had a nurse look at it. It's nothing more than a deep cut and a concussion," she answered angrily.

"Why didn't you get stitched up then?" he asked wondering why she had stupidly waited so long to take care of herself.

"I didn't have time, Bones. This is the first moment I've had to myself all day. Now get off of me," she yelled pushing him away from her.

He stared at her, wanting nothing more than to yell at her; angry at her treatment of him when all he was doing was caring about her. "Where the hell is Jim?" he muttered before moving away.

"Why do you need him?" Ellie asked, the thought that he was hurt even though she knew he wasn't flashing through her mind.

"Because I can't deal with you anymore," he yelled stalking away from her towards the door. It was the thought of Jim taking Ellie off his hands that something struck Bones; Jim would handle her, know how to talk to her – but it was why she needed Jim to talk to her that made Bones stop.

He turned and walked back to where she was, planting his hands on either side of her again and bringing his head so close to hers their noses almost touched. "This isn't a shuttle," he told her.

Ellie's eyes widened. "I'm well aware of that," she told him.

"Then you know we're gonna be fine right?" he asked, seeing her roll her eyes.

"Yeah I know," she told him rudely and he stared at her angry and insulted.

With a sigh he moved away from her, wondering why he even bothered. He went about disposing of the rags he used to wipe up her blood as he cleaned her wound. Slamming everything he could in his frustration. He stilled at her saying his name, though he did not turn to where she stood behind him; far too angry with her to care anymore.

"Thank you," she said softly and when he turned around she was already gone.

Those two words had been all she needed to say to let him know he'd been right – the hit the Enterprise took and all of the wounded crew had brought back the memory of the shuttle crash – she'd been afraid. _God dammit, Ellie,_ he thought, realizing he cared too much about her for anyone's good. And that was why he bothered.

* * *

_My reason for putting this last scene is to show what they're like when they're arguing. Cause I know I said they argued and bickered and were at each other's throats at times, but I never showed it. So this is what I have in mind, one of them (or both) will be unhappy and they'll say something to make the other angry and then they'll just start arguing and yelling at each other. But then one of them will say something, nothing really big and not an apology, and then they'll be fine. That's sort of what their relationship will be like; they challenge each other, but never to the point where they can't forgive. At least that's what I'm going for, but I'm not sure how well I will be able to portray that. So please tell me what you think and thank you for reading._


	7. we were made to never fall away

Ellie nearly felt like weeping when she realized her head was not throbbing, exhaustion finally settling around her and she retreated to one of the rooms the medical staff was to sleep in when they had patients still in the sick bay.

"Ellie, thank god," Uhura said when she finally found her.

"What?" Ellie asked sitting up, nausea building as the blood rushed to her head.

"Kirk is trying to get Spock to go after the Romulans and neither one of them is willing to bend. Vulcan was just destroyed, his mother just died. Call off your cousin," Uhura told her worriedly, having rushed to find Ellie when Jim and Spock started yelling.

"Help me up," Ellie said, the room spinning the more she tried to stand.

"I'd ask if you're alright but you really need to hurry," Uhura said, and looking into her brown eyes was all it took to set Ellie to running.

She could barely catch her breath when she finally reached the bridge, her head pounding so hard she could hardly feel anything; and she tried breathing as she blinked the black stars from her vision, Bones' loud voice reaching her ears.

"Enough Jim!"

She looked to see Jim knocking aside two security officers and when she rushed forward Bones grabbed her and held her back. She watched, her heartbeat rattling her brain, as Spock pinched the nerve on Jim's neck rendering her cousin unconscious. "Get him off this ship," Spock said emotionlessly.

"Ellie," Bones said softly in her ear when she made to forward, "don't." She looked up at where he stood behind her, and he found himself wanting to hold her as she stared up at him – confusion and hurt shining in her eyes.

Spock himself had a hard time looking at her, not understanding what it was he experienced when looking at her sad face so full of betrayal.

"Take her back to the medical wing," Bones told Uhura, not happy Ellie was there at all; having chosen not to get her because he knew it would do no more than upset her.

"No," Ellie said turning back to Bones. "He can't do this, he can't abandon Jim," she said looking back to Spock who refused to look at her.

"You need to rest," Bones said turning her around to face him seeing her face was completely colorless.

"He's putting Jim in a pod and then throwing him out into space," Ellie said shaking her head.

"I know," Bones said knowing she was panicking. "Ellie listen to me," he said stepping closer. "You hit your head and from the looks of you it was harder than we thought. You need to be monitored so go to the medical wing." He said all of this as he led her off the bridge, Uhura following behind.

"What if he gets hurt? What if he lands somewhere Starfleet doesn't have a base in? What if something were to happen and we never found him?" she asked and Bones glared at Uhura for getting her.

"You are hurt," he told her sternly. "You overworked yourself today after a blunt force trauma and blood loss. If you exert yourself anymore you will pass out. Now as your chief medical officer I am ordering you, go to the medical wing."

She stared up at him wide eyed, shocked that he was doing nothing to help Jim. In that moment she hated him, and he saw it in her eyes – it surprised him how much seeing that look on her face hurt, but he couldn't do anything to help Jim even though he wanted to.

He watched as she turned from him and let Uhura lead her back to the medical wing, seeing from the way she leaned on Uhura that she was dizzy. He himself returned to the bridge, no happier with Spock than she was though Bones understood the reason behind his actions.

"You wanted to see me," Bones said getting Spock's attention.

"Yes, Doctor," Spock said standing. "I am aware that James Kirk is a friend of yours. I recognize supporting me as you did must have been difficult, especially in the face of his distraught cousin."

"Was that a thank you?" Bones asked not entirely sure what it was the vulcan was getting at.

"I am simply acknowledging your difficulties," Spock replied.

Bones stopped walking, no longer able to keep silent. "Permission to speak freely, sir?"

"I welcome it."

"Do you?" he asked sarcastically. "Okay then. Are you out of your vulcan mind?" he demanded. "Are you making a logical choice, sending Kirk away? Probably. But, the right one? You know, back home we have a saying: "If you're gonna ride in the Kentucky Derby, you don't leave your prize stallion in the stable.'"

"A curious metaphor, doctor, as a stallion must first be broken before it can reach its potential," Spock told him.

Bones stood staring at him appalled, remembering the look of hatred in Ellie's eyes before she left him. "My God, man, you could at least _act_ like it was a hard decision."

Spock looked at Dr. McCoy curiously. "I intend to assist in the effort to reestablish communication with Starfleet. However, if crew morale is better served by my roaming the halls weeping, I will gladly defer to your medical expertise. Excuse me," he said before walking toward his father.

Bones stared after Spock, wondering how someone could be so without emotion. "Green blooded hobgoblin," he muttered before making his way toward the medical wing.

He knew without seeing her that she would be beyond rage, that she was livid; but more importantly she was afraid. And it was that fear for her cousin why she would lash out at him, and it was his fear for Jim as well why he would take her anger. He did not, however, take it happily.

"I told you to rest," he said taking the electronic pad from her, seeing she was reviewing charts from one of her patients. "So you're not even gonna speak to me?" he asked when she said nothing.

"I have nothing to say to you," she retorted.

He sighed rolling his eyes. "You're acting like a child."

"At least I'm doing something," she yelled.

"What would you have liked me to have done?" he yelled back wishing she would see he was as upset as she was.

"I don't know Bones," she admitted. "Anything. But instead you stood idly by as he was carried away and then sent to God knows where."

"You think I didn't want to do anything?" he asked stepping closer, the thought that this was the second time in one day they'd fought not crossing his mind. "There was nothing I could have done for him. But you," he said pointing at her. "I did do something for you. You would have gotten yourself kicked off the ship with him, and you are in no condition for that."

She turned away from him and he slammed the pad down before turning his own back on her. "You don't get it," she said after a while of silence.

"Actually Ellie I do," he told her. "He's your cousin and you love him. You're worried and scared so yes, I get it."

She stared at him incredulous shaking her head. "He's my family, Bones."

"And you are scared," he finished for her.

"No Bones, he _is _my family," she said again.

He sighed giving up. "What does that mean?" he asked exasperated with her.

She looked at him, thinking he would understand but he didn't. "I don't have anyone else, Bones. He's my family."

"That's not true, Ellie," he said knowing she had other family members.

Her shoulders dropped when she realized how little he actually knew about her. "I had my mom and then she died. And now my father hates me for it. Jim's mom lost herself when his dad died. If you can believe it Jim's brother's is actually worse; he left everyone behind without a second glance. I had Sarah but she's dead too."

Bones listened silently to all of this, realizing she had suffered more than he had ever imagined; the threat of tears shining in her eyes proof enough.

"In this entire universe, Jim is the only one left who loves me," she told him sadly. "Do you get it now?"

He did, and now everything fell into place; why she and Jim were so close, why she was hard and Jim was so reckless. The cousins literally had no one but each other, and now they were separated; it was almost heartbreaking. "Ellie," he said wishing he could do something.

"Get out," she whispered shocking him. "Get out," she said firmer before laying back on the bed and rolling away from him.

He complied, knowing he had no place to refuse. "Monitor her, she's sustained a traumatic head injury," he told a nurse before he busied himself with his other patients; and there were certainly many of them.

Ellie laid in her bed, knowing Bones was right in her acting like a child; there was no reason to believe anything bad would happen to Jim. He would land somewhere and he'd wait in the pod until someone from Starfleet came for him.

_He won't stay in the pod_, was the thought raging in her already fragile head. She knew he wouldn't, it wasn't him; that's what she was afraid of. The pounding in her head slowly started to lessen the longer she stayed still, Bones having been right about that too – she had exerted herself too much.

She had just gotten the initiative to get up, nearly vomiting at the movement, planning to do a rounds of her patients when she heard Jim's voice speaking to the crew of the Enterprise. She would have run if she wasn't so sluggish, but as it was she walked toward the bridge.

"There you are," Bones said when he saw her.

A thought crossed her mind at seeing Bones had come looking for her; his place was on the bridge as chief medical officer, if what Jim said had been true he was now captain and so Bones should be standing at his side – but Bones was there, coming to get her. She would have thought more about that had everything not been spinning, instead she let the thought slip past her. "He's back?"

"Yeah," Bones said looking down at her, a purple tint to the skin around her stitches where she was starting to bruise, her face still blanched. "Come on," he said before wrapping an arm around her and leading her to the bridge.

A relieved half-smile graced her face when she saw him, looking very much worse for wear after Spock had done a number on him. Jim looked at her as though he hadn't seen her in years before he rushed toward her. "I love you," he said wrapping her in his arms.

Ellie hugged him back though less voraciously, looking over her shoulder at Bones. "What?" she mouthed to him and he could do no more than shrug, just as confused by his display as she was.

Jim held her as tight as he could, breathing her in. There was only one thought running through his mind as he held her, something Spock Prime had told him; _love her while you can, Jim._

* * *

_So that last line holds a ton of meaning, which I'll go into next chapter. The meaning behind it also plays into what I had in mind for my character in the "regular" Star Trek. Since this movie is an alternate reality of Star Trek what all happens to her would be pretty different than what I'm writing here. The start of next chapter will be a flashback from when Jim was with Spock (from the future), and it'll be the conversation that explains the last line of this chapter. _


	8. never fall away

"_Going back in time you changed all our lives," Jim said realizing the Spock he knew had been right; Nero had come from the future, creating an alternate reality. What Spock did not know was that it was his future self who had caused it. _

"_Jim, we must go," the elder Spock said knowing they needed to make haste. "There is a Starfleet outpost not far from here." _

"_Wait," Jim called as Spock walked away. "Where you came from did I know my father?" _

_Spock stopped and turned to him. "Yes, you often spoke of him as being your inspiration for joining Starfleet. He proudly lived to see you become captain of the Enterprise." _

"_Captain?" Jim asked astonished, both that he was captain and that he had known his father. _

"_A ship we must return you to as soon as possible," Spock told him before walking again. "Jim, there is something else I must tell you but first I need to ask; is Elenore a surgeon on the Enterprise?" _

_Jim followed after Spock, not understanding why he was asking about Ellie. "Yeah she's the head surgeon, works right under Bones." _

"_That's what I feared," Spock said as he continued walking. _

"_What is?" Jim asked walking faster to catch up. _

"_Your cousin's fate had nothing to do with the Romulans," Spock told him almost sadly. "I do not know if my presence here has changed what will happen to her." _

"_What are you saying?" Jim asked, praying he would say no. "Does Ellie die?" It felt as though the ground had crumbled beneath his feet when Spock did no more than sigh. _

"_It was sudden, and painful. And it nearly destroyed you," Spock told him, feeling the utmost sympathy for the young Jim when he clearly remembered the sound of his friend's screams as he held her lifeless body._

_Jim could not seem to catch his breath, the thought of living without her too much for him to bear. "But you've changed things," he said, clinging on to any hope he could find. "Your coming here has changed things. There's a chance you changed that, right?" he asked pleading. _

"_I honestly do not know. It appears that time is trying to mend itself, there may be hope and yet there may not be," Spock told him, knowing it was not what he wanted to hear. "All I can offer you is this; love her while you can, Jim."_

Jim squeezed her a last time before releasing her. "I just wanted you to know that," he said before walking away.

Ellie turned around to look at Bones, her eyes wide with confusion.

"You and me both," Bones told her.

"Are you Jim's cousin?"

Both Ellie and Bones turned to see the scottish man Jim had brought with him. "Yes, I'm Ellie it's nice to meet you," she said holding out her hand for him to shake.

"Scotty," he said introducing himself, having heard Jim ask the older vulcan a last time about her and whether she might live. "You're very pretty," he said lamely, uncomfortable with knowing she would die.

"Thanks," Ellie said looking after him as he too walked away, though he was leaving to change into dry clothes. She turned back to Bones. "I'm missing something," she told him, knowing Jim wouldn't have just hugged her like that for being gone such a short time.

Bones shrugged not knowing what had happened anymore than she did. "You really should go back to the sick bay, you don't look too good," he told her.

"Yeah I think that's a good idea. Whatever you gave me is wearing off," she said.

"You must not be feeling well," he said as he escorted her off the bridge. "You just agreed with me," he explained at her questioning look.

"I did, didn't I?" she asked and he chuckled. "Bones," she said getting his attention, and he waited as patiently as he could for her to speak; seeing her open her mouth to say something but then decide against it. "It's been almost five years since I cared about anyone other than Jim," she said finally, surprising him with her admittance. "And it's been almost five years since someone other than Jim has cared for me. I'm just not used to it."

"I know," he said cutting her off, knowing this was as close to an apology as he would get; knowing if she were to continue speaking she would somehow circle back to how she was right in the first place and he was at fault. "Go rest, that's an order."

She felt the corners of her mouth turn up and she shook her head before making her way to the medical wing. She took the tablet she was given, thankful it lessened the ache of her head almost immediately; knowing she had made her concussion worse by exerting herself too much too soon. She laid herself down on a bed and was asleep in minutes. And what felt like seconds later a nurse was shaking her awake as was protocol for a person with a concussion; and what had felt like seconds had actually been half an hour.

"I should have known you wouldn't have listened when I told you to rest," Bones said when he saw Ellie in the doorway, looking only slightly better.

"I heard he was here," she replied coming to stand by the bed Pike was in.

"There's the face I wanted to see," Pike said when he saw her. "You look a little worse for wear."

"I only hit my head," she said brushing off his concern, smoothing the hair back from his forehead. "I'm glad you're okay," she said surprising herself by how worried she realized she'd been.

"Me too," he told her making her smile. She really didn't look good; there was the stitched wound that went diagonally from her temple to the middle of her forehead, and a bruise still darkening surrounding it – the bruise looked even darker against her colorless skin, making her look ill.

She felt tears welling in her throat the longer she looked at him, having wanted to avoid feeling like this again but yet there she was: utterly relieved that a person she hadn't known she cared for was not dead. "You are not my father," she whispered to him and he smiled – it something she had said a few times before when he was trying to get her on a shuttle. He wasn't her father, but god if he didn't act like he was.

"We're gonna put you under, Captain Pike," Bones said moving around Ellie, squeezing her shoulder briefly before injecting Pike with a sedative. "How's your head?" he asked Ellie once Pike was asleep, surprised by how much she seemed to care for the older man; she seemed to care for him almost as much as Jim did.

"It doesn't hurt so much anymore," she told him, still stroking Pike's hair. "I'd like to have him in an actual facility in case there are any complications. If this ship were to fall out of warp you'd hit his spine and paralyze him."

"We have to get that thing out of him, the sooner the better," he told her.

She looked up at him knowing he was right too; if they waited too long they ran the risk of the centurion slug permanently damaging Pike's brain stem resulting in him either being completely paralyzed or brain dead. She had just come to the decision that Bones should operate then when the ship began shaking. There was no hesitation from either of them, Bones moved to strap down the patients nearest him and Ellie did the same, starting with Pike; while the nurses ran to other rooms to strap down other patients. Bones had just reached Ellie when the ship lurched sending her into his arms and nearly taking him off his feet.

"You alright?" he asked looking down at her, his arms still holding her tight against him.

"Are you?" she asked looking up at him, one hand on his chest and the other around his waist.

The last time the floor beneath their feet had started shaking they had clung to each other as well, which almost ended in him kissing her; that was the thought that was racing through both their minds as they looked at the other. They didn't know who moved first, they may have even moved together, their lips had almost met when they were broken apart.

"Is everything alright in here, Dr. McCoy?" a nurse asked coming into the room. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt," she stuttered when she saw the two pulling apart.

"Everything's fine here, we secured all the patients," Bones told her. "Did you get all of the others?"

"Yes, Dr. McCoy. Again I'm really sorry," she said before rushing out of the room.

Bones turned to Ellie to see her trying not to smile as she checked Pike's vitals. "What?" he asked wondering why she wasn't more embarrassed or worried that they had been walked in on.

"You're gonna get a bad reputation," she told him demurely.

"And what about you?"

She quirked a brow at him. "I'm related to Jim Kirk, I never stood chance."

He gave a short laugh and rolled his eyes wondering what they were supposed to now – all chance of remaining simply friends was now thrown out of the window. He didn't even know what he wanted with her, and in no way did he know what she wanted with him.

They arrived back at Starfleet and Captain Pike was retrieved and cared for by the best doctors Starfleet could offer.

"I would have felt better if you were there," she said as they walked through the hospital, where she had been looked over once more.

"They only wanted the best for one of their captains," he said, he himself thinking if she had not received a concussion she would have been with him.

"Whatever, you're better than any of them," she said not realizing how flattered she had made him. "Why are you following me anyways?" she asked as she reached one of the on-call rooms.

"You still need to be monitored and Dr. Sullivan has deemed me good enough to at least do that," he told her opening the door.

"What do I still need to be monitored for?" she asked not understanding all the fuss over a concussion.

"To see if you develop symptoms indicating you received any further damage to your brain," he told her.

Her eyes narrowed at him. "You read my file," she accused.

"You sustained damage to your occipital lobe when the shuttle went down. Another head injury is cause for concern even if it is years later," he explained and she rolled her eyes.

She knew he wasn't going to leave, something that both pleased and frustrated her. "You know there's only one bed in this room right?" she asked over her shoulder as she walked through the doorway.

Bones looked after to see she was right, he also saw her looking at him expectantly. "You are the single most frustrating human being I have ever met, you know that?" he asked her gruffly, though the sight of her so near a bed was making him come undone.

She shrugged smirking and he closed the door locking it before he grabbed the back of her head and brought her mouth to his. It not crossing either of their minds that they shouldn't when they tumbled onto the bed. One thought did cross their minds; sex was much better when they were sober.

* * *

_so that was the end of the first movie, which happened a lot faster than I thought; I guess it makes sense, it really was only one day. Okay, so I don't know how much time passes between this movie and Into Darkness, there was a date in the beginning but I don't remember it. If no one knows then I'll just say it's three years. Also, I caught up on the walking dead a few days ago and this whole walking dead themed idea has been running around my head; I would like to know how many people are interested in reading that, cause I may do it sometime between the two movies and it would totally go against canon. So please tell me if you're interested; if at least five people don't tell me they're interested then I won't do it, cause it might turn out to be a lot of work. _


	9. one of these days letters are gonna fall

"How's your head?" Bones mumbled, not exactly caring as they laid tangled together.

"It's fine," she answered lazily, her head on his chest. "You probably didn't help."

He chuckled lightly and she heard it in his chest. "Can't say you didn't enjoy it."

She sat up smiling. "I'll give you that," she said making him smile in return. "Now what are we gonna do, are we supposed to work in the hospital or wait until we go out again?"

Bones himself had been wondering that, thinking it would be bland to have to return to a hospital after all that happened on the Enterprise in only a day. "Well right now you're gonna rest."

She rolled her eyes and turned away from him.

"You are going to rest," he said enunciating each word, curling himself around her. His fingers danced over the scar on her thigh she'd gotten in the crash, the scar he had just spent a long while tracing with his tongue.

"I'm resting," she said smiling when she felt his lips on her neck.

"Mmm," he sighed against her neck, nipping her skin.

"Doctor's order remember," she told him rolling onto her back.

He kissed his way along her collar bone, his hands roaming up her sides. He didn't know what he was doing, he didn't want a relationship – not after what his ex-wife did to him – but looking into her blue eyes he couldn't keep himself from kissing her again.

It was a week before Ellie was cleared to operate again, a week before her stitches were removed, a week before Jim was promoted to Captain and Pike to Admiral; it would be a few months before the Enterprise would be repaired and running again so Bones and Ellie worked at the hospital while Jim stayed with as many women as he could.

Bones and Ellie slept together often, against their better judgment – he was a drug for her, and Bones; he was already addicted. But all it took was one conversation with Jim, who did not know Bones was screwing his cousin, to make whatever fragile foundation the two were building crumble.

"We're gonna be leaving in three weeks, you two ready?" Jim asked as they ate lunch together at the hospital.

They both nodded, glad they would not be working under someone anymore; Ellie being glad to not work under anyone other than Bones, not liking the doctor she was working with now. "I have to go check on my patient, I promised I would see him after lunch," Ellie them.

"What patient?" Jim asked teasingly, raising his brows.

"An eleven year old I had to do a tracheotomy on to remove a growth on his windpipe," she told him sternly, not liking that he was trying to fix her up with people.

"We've been here four years, you could find at least one person," he told her seriously, wanting her to have someone.

She gave him a hard look before throwing her hands up. "Whatever," she grumbled as she walked away, not looking at Bones who was looking between the two almost concerned that Jim was trying to find her someone.

"Love you," Jim called after her, to which Ellie turned slightly to him with furrowed brows before shaking her head and walking away.

"You gotta stop doing that," Bones told him.

"I can't help it," Jim explained, having tried to stop but every time she left he would blurt it out.

"You're buggin' her," Bones said. "What with you telling her you love her every damn day. And with you trying to set her up with, well, everyone. We got a sayin' where I'm from, 'if the dog don't hunt, don't come in the woods with it."

"What does that even mean in this situation?" Jim asked frustrated.

"She ain't looking for a man so stop forcing em' on her," Bones explained gruffly, though it would be easier for all of them if they just told Jim Ellie was convinced it would do nothing but harm. "Now, why can't you look at her without saying I love you?"

Jim sighed shaking his head. "I can't tell you."

"Why not?" Bones asked now concerned, it being uncommon to see the sadness in Jim's eyes.

"It's not something you should know, it isn't fair. I mean Scotty can barely look at her without blurting some sort of compliment."

Bones nodded, the scottish man did often praise her for something and it stopped flattering Ellie a while ago. "Scotty knows?"

"He was there for part of it," Jim explained, really wanting to have someone Ellie liked know. "Look you can't tell her."

"I won't," Bones said.

"No, I mean you _cannot _tell her. And you'll want to. You are going to see her happy, or excited, and you're gonna wanna tell her. So I need to know you won't," Jim said seriously, making Bones even more concerned; realizing whatever Jim was about to say was not good.

"Alright, Jim, I won't tell her," he swore.

It was a while before Jim could speak, having been unable to say the words since he had first heard them. And Bones waited, almost fearing what he would say. "You remember when I told you about Spock?"

"The one from the future?" Bones asked remembering Jim tell him a few months ago.

Jim nodded before telling Bones what all Spock had said about how coming from the future had changed all their lives.

Bones could no more than sit quietly in shock as he listened to Jim's story. "Why does that change the way you're treating Ellie?" Bones asked when Jim had finished. Bones sat as patiently as he could as Jim stared at the table in silence. "Jim?"

"He said what happens to her had nothing to do with the Romulans, that it happened only years from now. And he has no idea if anything's changed for her," Jim answered trying to fight back the swell of tears as he yet again imagined having to exist in a world she didn't.

Bones tried to wrap his head around what Jim had just said, not believing what he heard. "What are you saying Jim?" he asked.

Jim looked up at Bones, all the sadness and worry and fear shining bright in his blue eyes. "You can't tell her," he said again.

…

"Bones," he turned when he heard Ellie call his name. "Where were you I've been looking for you for three days?" she asked when she reached him.

"I've been busy," he answered shortly.

"Okay," Ellie said feeling almost chastised by his tone. "Are you free now?"

"No actually, I'm having dinner with Jim," he told her with the same cold tone.

Ellie looked hard at him, searching for anything to show he was angry but she didn't find anything. "Is something wrong?"

"No why?" he asked nonchalantly, though in reality he couldn't bear to look at her without thinking of her dying.

"Well lets see," Ellie said slamming her electronic pad down, "you've been ignoring me and all of my calls for three days. And now you're too busy cause you're having dinner with my cousin who can't see me without telling me he loves me. See where I would think something was wrong?"

He turned fully to her, glad to have a reason to be angry with her. "Believe it or not but my life doesn't revolve around what's convenient for you," he said and almost immediately regretted it. "That's not,"

"No," she said interrupting him, "I think that is what you meant." She rolled her eyes, berating herself for being so stupid. "I'll just do it myself," she said turning away from him.

"What?" he called after her, making her stop walking away from him. "You've been trying to talk to me for a few days, what did you need?" he asked, trying to make her see he wasn't _that_ guy; a guy who only wanted to sleep with her; and he knew that's exactly what he sounded like.

"To know if you wanted to help me grow a trachea for the little boy I gave a complete tracheotomy. But you know what," she said holding up her hands as she backed away, "screw you. Oh wait, I already did."

_Three weeks later_

Bones stepped off of the shuttle and made his way to the Enterprise, seeing on the roster the name for the head surgeon on the ship.

"Hey Jim," Bones called getting his attention. "Who's Dr. Martin?"

"He's filling in for Ellie," Jim answered.

"Is she on another ship?" he asked, finding himself still concerned over her.

Jim stopped walking and looked at Bones. "She's staying with Pike until he can walk again. Did she not tell you?"

"No, she must have forgotten," Bones answered, wondering if she had made the decision because of him.

"Pike asked her to help him recuperate a few weeks ago. She said she was gonna tell you but you weren't answering her calls," Jim said suspiciously. "Did something happen between you two?"

"Another fight," Bones answered simply, wondering if that was what she had wanted to tell when he'd blown her off.

"She's coming back when Pike can walk. Something tells me neither of you will be too pleased to see each other," Jim said with narrowed eyes, knowing something was wrong between the two. "I shouldn't have told you," Jim said realizing what had happened.

"No," Bones said shaking his head. "I'm glad I know. I won't get too attached now," he said walking away.

"Bones," Jim called after him knowing he wasn't being fair to Ellie.

Bones didn't respond, instead he continued to make his way to the medical wing finding himself oddly relieved; he didn't have to pretend everything was fine, that he didn't know she was supposed to die. Now he could prepare himself for it, and put as much distance between them as possible.


	10. from the sky telling us all to go free

_So this chapter starts the day her and Bones fought, cause he had been ignoring her calls and all that; this is just from her point of view. I've brought up the name Sarah before but I don't think I ever explained; Sarah is Ellie's best friend who died in the shuttle crash. Also, I have no idea how to write Scotty. Cause he has that accent, which I'm leaving to the reader to add that cause I don't know how to write it. But also, he's funny in a really subtle way; like his actions and little comments. And I just don't know how well I can translate that. So I would love suggestions or criticisms if anyone has them. Thank you all for reading, and those who have reviewed. It all means a lot to me._

* * *

Ellie had left her little boy's new trachea she was growing in the hands of her chief medical officer – who was not Bones – and made her way to a bar. She hit shot after shot before a hand reached out and snatched the glass in her hand.

"Hey," she cried indignantly turning to see who'd stolen her tequila.

"You're cut off," Scotty said in his thick accent, taking her shot. "Get her something, no alcohol," he ordered. "I'd like another one these," he said looking down at the shot glass. "This really hits ya," he said turning to Ellie.

"You can't cut me off," she said reaching for the shot the bartender put down.

Scotty batted her hand away, snatching the glass before she could reach it. "Yes I can," he said smiling before downing her shot again.

"Scotty," she whined, already drunk.

"Don't Scotty me, you're drunk," he told her, holding up his finger for another.

"I have good reason," she insisted.

"Tell me," he said looking over at her to see her refusal. "I'll let you have another," he offered.

She rolled her eyes before taking a sip of her water, crunching loudly on an ice cube. "I'm an idiot," she answered. "And I'm easy."

"Oh that can't be true," he said taking the shot glass and holding it.

"No it is," she said slurring slightly. "I got drunk with what I thought was a friend and then we found our way into bed. And then I left," she said throwing an arm up, surprising Scotty with how loose her tongue was when she was drunk. "And it took almost a year and then we slept together again. And it was good," she said softly like it was a secret. "And we were together for the last few months and now," she said throwing both her hands up, "he won't talk to me. I let him screw me into," she stopped as she thought of the word, "into submission. Now I'm a whore. He's turned me into a whore."

Scotty was left sitting beside her not knowing exactly what to say, and so he slid the shot glass toward her and watched as she downed it. He opened his mouth to say something but she turned to him and spoke before he could.

"I will hit you if you compliment me again," she told him.

He held his hands up in surrender. "You know," he said leaning towards her and waited until she leaned towards him, "I don't think he's good enough for you," he whispered before sitting back smiling.

"I said no compliments," Ellie told him though she was smiling too. "You owe me another one."

He gave a loud laugh before grabbing the now filled shot glass and downing it. "No more, for either of us. I'm taking you to your room," he said before standing and fishing money from his pocket and putting on the counter. "Come on," he said before helping her stand, catching her around the waist when she swayed.

"I'm fine Scotty," she mumbled leaning against him as he led her out of the bar.

"Sure you are," he said as he pulled her along.

Ellie sighed dramatically as they left the bar, the air colder outside. "It's raining," she said quietly.

"We should hurry before we're caught in the downpour," Scotty said pulling her along.

"Oh but can't we stop," Ellie asked pulling on him so he would stop dragging her forward. "Please Scotty," she begged sweetly. "When was the last time you stood in the rain?"

He looked at her to see her smiling, and then he thought about it; "a few years I'd guess," he answered honestly. He couldn't resist her smile, which so warm and open in her drunkenness that he couldn't refuse her. They walked the rest of the way to the hospital where Ellie was staying since she had both a trachea and Pike, getting soaked in the process as the clouds burst.

She gave a small yelp when he threw her over his shoulder, laughing as he spun them both.

"What are you two doing?"

Scotty turned, his hand around Ellie's thighs to hold her on his shoulder, to see Jim Kirk. "Hey Jim," he called setting Ellie down.

"Hey Scotty, Ellie," Jim called confusedly at the sight of the two together.

"Hi Jimmy," Ellie said with a large smile, leaning on Scotty.

Jim's eyes narrowed. "Are you drunk?"

Ellie giggled and Jim's eyes narrowed even more before a smile broke out on his face. "Maybe a little," she admitted. "Scotty cut me off."

"Thank you," Jim said to Scotty as he wrapped his arm around Ellie. "Lets get you to your room," he said leading her away.

"Bye Scotty," Ellie called cheerfully over her shoulder as Jim dragged her toward the hospital. "I'm growing a trachea," she told Jim as she walked at his side.

"How are you doing that?" he asked, turning his head when a pretty nurse walked by.

"I took the cartilage from the boy's ribs, and in a few months it'll finish growing in his abdomen."

"What?" he asked turning back to her.

"Mm hmm," she said nodding. "Pretty cool huh?" she asked smiling.

"Yeah," he admitted.

She looked up at him. "I'm awesome."

He laughed kissing the top of her head. "Yes you are," he said before his smile slipped away as he once again was forced to think of her dying. "I'm glad you're staying with him," Jim said laying her on the bed in the on call room that had been specified for her use.

"Even if that means I'm staying here?" she asked curling around him.

"Yeah," he said wrapping his arms around her, sleep overtaking her immediately. "I love you," he whispered stroking her cheek, looking at her peacefully sleeping face. "Don't ever die."

_One year later_

"Admiral Pike," Ellie greeted when she walked into his office. "How are you today?"

"Elenore," Pike greeted her warmly. "I'm fine today. How are you?"

"Fine enough. Have you tried walking without the cane lately or does it still cause you too much pain?" she asked holding her electronic pad.

"I tried a few times," he admitted.

"But it still hurts," she said looking down at him and he nodded. "Do you mind if I give you a scan?"

"You're not going to find anything new," he told her and she sighed before sitting in the chair across from his desk. "You've given me more than I could ask for," he told her knowing she was taking his not walking without a cane personally.

"I wish I could do more," she told him.

He sat back in his chair and looked at her, a slight upturn of the corners of his mouth. "I called in a request," he told her.

"What request?" she asked sitting forward.

"The Enterprise is returning and when they set out again you will be aboard," he said smiling.

She sat a moment not responding in surprise. "Admiral Pike," she said taken aback. "I can't just leave now, you asked me to stay until you could walk again."

"Elenore," he said silencing her, knowing she was upset he wasn't walking like he should be and knowing she found herself at fault; it was something that she had in common with Jim. "I am walking as well as I will be able," he told her. "You have done all you could and for that I am incredibly grateful. And proud."

"Why are you proud, I haven't been able to do anything?" she asked and he didn't miss her blinking away tears.

"You have done everything. You got me out of the wheelchair, and now I can stay out of it. And you did that," he said offering her a small smile, seeing her blinking grow more rapid as tears filled them faster. "You have come to see me everyday, even after I moved out of the hospital, and to hear you talk about your surgeries and see that joy on your face is the best part of my days. And I know seeing you is the best part of Jim's day even if he doesn't always act like it is."

She was flattered, and greatly pleased to hear that; having grown to care more for him over the year.

"I know I'm not your father, Elenore. But that won't stop me from caring about you." Blinking did not stop the swell of tears in her bright blue eyes. "I know seeing Jim is the best of your day. Go back to the Enterprise, I'll still be here when you get back."

She blinked and she swallowed but nothing stopped the tears; it had been years when last she heard from anyone that they loved her as their daughter. She nodded before standing. "Thank you, Admiral Pike," she said trying to keep her chin from quivering. "I will check back in with you tomorrow."

"And you'll tell me you will be leaving on the Enterprise in a few months," he said wanting to hug her, knowing only Jim did now, but he knew her well enough to know she wouldn't welcome it yet.

It was a month before the Enterprise returned, and then it would be another four months before it would head out again.

"You ready to be back on the ground, Bones?" Jim asked slapping Bones on the back.

Bones grumbled a yes, liking the Starship a great deal more than the shuttles that brought them back to Earth.

"Ellie," Jim cried when he saw her, the holocam they often talked on wasn't enough for either of them. Her smile was broad, something that was very rare, when they hugged one another; it had been a long year, the longest amount of time they had stayed apart.

"I've missed you," she said as he squeezed her.

"What are you doing here?" Jim asked releasing her.

"Scotty asked if I could help with something and then he's gonna take me to some bar with Keenser. You wanna come?" she asked.

Jim smiled. "I'd love to. You're coming too Bones, won't let you say no," Jim said smacking him on the shoulder again. Ellie smiled before kissing Jim's cheek and telling him goodbye; not even looking at Bones though he wasn't looking at her either.

"You're okay with that?" Bones asked following Ellie with his eyes as she walked toward the shuttle.

"_No not that one," Scotty said to Keenser before the alien went back in the shuttle to retrieve whatever it was Scotty wanted. "Hey Ellie," Scotty said smiling before he too hugged her. _

"Why not?" Jim asked looking after Ellie as well. "They've been talking a lot lately and she really seems to like him."

"Yeah," Bones grumbled before turning away from them.

"Are you ever gonna talk about her?" Jim asked as he followed after Bones.

_Two months later_

"Bones."

He turned at the sound of his name to see Ellie. "Do you need something?" he asked, them having not spoken since he began ignoring her.

"You have a patient by the last name of Avery," she said quickly and it surprised him how well he knew her to know she was upset.

"Yes, is there something wrong?"

"What is the first name?" she asked him.

"I can't just give you that information. Not unless you need it medically," he said wondering what she was getting so worked up over.

"Please Bones," she pleaded.

He looked into her blue eyes, seeing worry and fear shining in them. "Catherine," he answered. "Ellie, what is it?" he asked when he saw the shock register on her face like a slap. "Ellie!" he called when she rushed away.

It didn't cross his mind that she would die, that he cared for her even though he knew nothing could ever come of it; he saw she was upset and so he tried to help her. "Hey Jim," he said when Jim answered his call.

"Hey Bones, what is it I'm kinda busy," Jim said smiling at the lips sucking onthe skin of his neck.

"Look something's wrong with Ellie."

With that Jim pushed the girl away from him and sat up. "What's wrong? Is she alright?"

"Do you know anyone by the name of Catherine Avery?" Bones asked knowing it was that woman who was the cause of Ellie's distress.

"Yeah, why?" Jim asked as he pulled his pants on ready to go to the hospital.

"She's my patient. Ellie asked about her and then she got upset. Jim, who is she?"

"It's Sarah's mother."


	11. but until that day I'll find a way

_I hadn't realized how in depth I was going to go with Sarah's mother being in the hospital, so this will also continue into next chapter. Also, there's a lot more information on why Ellie is like she is and a bit on Jim; as well as a bit of Ellie's PTSD, and there's lots of Bones in this one and he'll be a big part of the next chapter as well. Thank you all for reading, I hope you enjoy. _

* * *

"Jim what's going on?" Bones said nearly running to keep up with him.

"Where's Ellie, when was the last time you saw her?" Jim asked looking for something specific.

"When she asked me my patient's name," Bones said rushing to follow behind. "What the hell are you looking for?"

Jim sighed turning to Bones. "Do you have b-"

"Jimmy!"

Both Bones and Jim turned to who had spoken to see a woman in her sixties with short brown hair smiling at the two on a hospital bed. "Mrs. Avery," Jim said walking into her room.

"Get over here and hug me," she ordered holding out her arms, to which Jim leaned down and hugged her gently.

"How are you? What are you doing here?" Jim asked sitting on the edge of the bed looking concerned at the only woman who'd ever treated him like her son.

Mrs. Avery took his hand and smiled sadly. "I'm having surgery," she told him.

"For what? Did you come here specifically?" Jim asked looking from her to Bones.

"She was shuttled here," Bones explained, seeing the woman was important to him. "She has a brain tumor that hasn't shrunk with treatment, surgical removal is the last option and the hospital has taken her as their patient."

"How long have you had cancer?" Jim asked. "Why didn't you tell us?"

Mrs. Avery patted Jim's hand shaking her head. "I couldn't do that to you. And Ellie," she said trailing off knowing he would know Ellie couldn't take it. "Is she here?"

"I was looking for her," Jim explained.

Mrs. Avery looked up at Bones. "Do you have a boiler room? Or anything with any small, dark places like a supply closet?"

"Yeah," he answered confused. "There's a supply closet on the third floor."

"Go see if she's okay," Mrs. Avery told Jim, cupping his cheek with her hand. "You've grown up to be so handsome. I'm so proud of you, and I know Richard would be too," she said and Jim cleared his throat at the mention of the only man who had treated him like his son – who had died five years ago.

"Bones'll stay with you, he's a good friend of mine and Ellie's," Jim said standing before kissing her cheek and going to find Ellie.

"How long have you know them both?" Mrs. Avery asked him.

"About four years. I'm closer to Jim," he admitted as he looked through her chart.

"You don't get Jim without Ellie," Mrs. Avery said smiling. "You don't get Ellie without Jim. Believe me, my husband and I didn't ask for him. She was a joy, and her and Sarah were close. But Jim was Ellie's tag along, two years younger; and then they grew up. Jim was trouble, always had been, but he loved Ellie enough to love Sarah too. He got into so many fights when anyone would say something about either of them. They both practically lived with us, but after meeting her father I insisted they come over a lot."

Bones stood uncomfortably as she talked, not used to patients telling him this much; though he hadn't had a patient who knew his friend. "Why did you ask if we had a supply closet?"

Mrs. Avery sighed sadly. "She has PTSD, from the crash. She used to hide in closets, once in a boiler room behind the water heater, under the bed. I once found her sleeping in the bathtub. It's where she feels safe when anything threatens her. I knew coming with her working here would be hard on her, but the hospital made such a generous offer and I haven't seen her or Jim in years."

Bones had put the pad under his arm as he listened, completely enraptured at hearing someone talk about Ellie and how she had reacted to what she'd been through without playing it down; it was natural everything Mrs. Avery had said, after such a trauma, and it explained so much about Ellie. "But she's fine now, right?" he asked and Mrs. Avery looked over at him with furrowed brows.

"As her friend I think you'd have known that," she said suspiciously.

Bones found himself feeling reprimanded as though she were his mother. "I uh, I'm um I," he stuttered under her hard gaze. "I'm closer to Jim."

"You don't get one without the other," she said, her eyes boring into him. "You don't get to walk away from her," she said, knowing enough about young men from Jim to know Doctor McCoy and Ellie had slept together and this was the fallout.

"This isn't appropriate," Bones said as he walked toward the door.

"You get back here young man," she ordered and Bones turned to her surprised. "Sit down."

"I have other patients," Bones said meekly.

"Sit down!" she said nearly yelling and he hastily sat across from her. "Did you know about the crash?" she demanded.

"Yes ma'am."

"Did you know about my daughter dying in the crash?"

"Yes ma'am," he answered chastised.

"Then you knew that Ellie was broken, that she _is_ broken. You knew beforehand and you know now, so you do not get to walk away. She doesn't let people get close to her, she's been hurt too many times and she has seen too many people she cares about die; so when she lets you in it means something. She saw something in you that she thought was worth the risk of getting hurt, so you don't get to walk away."

Bones sat wide eyed staring at her, seeing the tears in her eyes and knowing she cared for Ellie as she had for Sarah. "Yes ma'am," he said nodding, knowing she was right and yet he still couldn't imagine seeing Ellie everyday and acting like she wasn't going to die.

"She doesn't make it easy, does she?" Mrs. Avery asked with a small sad smile.

"No," Bones said with a short laugh.

"You saw something in her then," Mrs. Avery said mostly to herself. "She's very caring and compassionate but she hides it well. You saw it I take it?"

Bones looked at her before looking away, refusing to admit anything.

"You did. She doesn't make it easy to care for her but once you do, you're in for it. It's been twenty years and I still do."

"You've known her for twenty years?" Bones asked surprised.

"Just about. She and Sarah met when they were eight. A boy in their class had pulled Sarah's pigtail and Ellie punched him dead in the face." Mrs. Avery broke off laughing and Bones chuckled lightly as he pictured it. "And that settled it, they were friends for life. Loosing Sarah destroyed us both."

Bones took her hand and squeezed it gently making her smile in spite of herself.

"I don't know what happened between you and Ellie, you don't have to tell me. What I want to know is if you can look past it," she said, grabbing his hand when he tried to let go.

Bones sat for a moment considering what to say. "She didn't do anything," he admitted. "Something is going to happen and I can't look past knowing that."

"Is it bad?" Mrs. Avery asked concerned.

Bones nodded before standing. "You should rest, you're going into surgery in a few hours. If you have any questions on your procedure then I would be happy to answer them," he said before turning to the door.

"You've looked at my charts," Mrs. Avery said calling him back. "You know there's not even a twenty percent chance I will survive this surgery, and that refusing the surgery would give me three weeks."

"Yes," he said wondering what it was she was trying to tell him.

"Promise me you and Jim will take care of her, because she doesn't have anyone else. This is going to hurt her, I don't know how much damage it will do but she might break even more. And I don't think Jim will be enough to put her back together."

Bones looked at her, seeing the tears as they began to fall. "I'll try to do what I can," he said, not promising much, knowing he could never look at Ellie again without imagining her dying.

…

It took Jim a while before he finally located the supply closet, having passed it twice – it being no more than a door at the end of a hallway, the same as any other door, and so he hadn't really noticed it. But he did finally notice it and when he opened it to see the carts and shelves of supplies he knew she was somewhere in here.

"Ellie," he whispered and was not surprised when he heard nothing, he hadn't expected her to answer. He walked past shelves of gauze and bandages and battery packs and equipment before he reached the back wall and found Ellie with her knees to her chest hidden in the corner.

"She's dying," Ellie whispered when he sat beside her.

"Yeah," he said wrapping an arm around her shoulder and then rested his cheek on the top of her head as she leaned against him.

They sat there in the silence, in the darkness, and did no more than breathe together; they were losing the last person that had cared for them, and they both realized just how much she had meant to them.

"She's missed you," he mumbled into her hair. "You should see her."

"How do you think we would've turned out if we didn't have her and Mr. Avery?" Ellie asked as Jim pulled her up.

"I don't think we would've made it," he answered honestly. "Come on," he said leading her out of the room. The bright lights of the hospital were nearly blinding, the noise deafening; Jim knew why she hid in the quietest and darkest places when she was upset – she could disappear, she could fade away.


	12. to let everybody know

Bones checked on a few of his patients, updated the few who were going into surgery that day, scanned those who had gotten out of surgery; and then made his way back to Mrs. Avery.

"I read about you building a trachea for that little boy, in that medical magazine. I got them to look for your name," Bones heard Mrs. Avery say, pride laced in her voice. "How was that?"

Bones came to stand in the doorway and watched as Ellie sat on the bed beside Mrs. Avery, a look of warmth on her normally emotionless face.

"I took the cartilage from his ribs," Ellie answered. "I stayed in the lab for a month watching it grow and irrigating it. Taking pictures so Marcus, the little boy, could watch it grow too. And then it was incubated in his abdomen; he thought that was the coolest thing." Ellie broke off smiling, a small laugh leaving her lips. "And then we inserted it right here," she said pointing to the lowest part of her throat on her chest.

Mrs. Avery gasped and smiled. "That is just amazing."

"It is isn't it," Ellie said before she laughed lightly, glad to hear Mrs. Avery's praise.

Bones watched as Mrs. Avery smoothed the hair away from her face. "I am so proud of you. And I know your mother would be too."

Ellie nodded, fighting the tears that were knotting her throat. "You're gonna be okay," she said looking at Mrs. Avery. "Where's your chart?"

Bones nearly sighed in relief when she missed him in the doorway as she looked around the room; Mrs. Avery's chart in his hand.

"Ellie, dear," Mrs. Avery said taking her hand. "It's a surgery to remove my tumor, the only thing bad that would happen is if they don't get it all." She smiled comfortingly at Ellie, and even though Ellie was a surgeon who knew better she still smiled back comforted.

Bones, however, knew Mrs. Avery had lied; if they didn't get all of the tumor then Mrs. Avery would die in three weeks. What Ellie did not know was where the cancer was, it was nearly impossible to get all of the tumor without leaving the patient brain dead; but this was Mrs. Avery's last option and so she was risking it.

"It's time to prep you for surgery, Mrs. Avery," Bones said after seeing Ellie's jaw clench and knowing she would cry if she stayed any longer.

He was proven right when he saw the relief in her eyes when she looked up at him. The fact that he had been the one to take a step back from her, the fact that he had ignored her and then been the one to treat her coldly, did not matter. In that moment Ellie was scared and he could offer comfort. "Are you gonna be there?"

Bones nodded and he saw her shoulders drop, realizing how tense she had been. "Jim," he said softly when she turned back to Mrs. Avery. He jerked his head toward the hall and Jim followed him.

"It isn't as simple as Mrs. Avery's making it seem, is it?" Jim asked.

Bones shook his head. "It's inoperable," he explained. "Her brain is deteriorating, her motor functions are weakening. Her prognosis is three weeks. That's how long doctors believe she has before the center of her brain that controls her breathing will deteriorate."

Jim turned away from him, tears gathering in his eyes. "Dammit."

"Jim," Bones said, feeling the utmost sympathy for both Jim and Ellie; even he liked Mrs. Avery, she was kind and caring and held more love than anyone he'd ever met.

"We can't," Jim told him, tears gone from his blue eyes. "We can't lose her. Bones, you don't understand; she was our mother and Mr. Avery was our father and Sarah our sister. They," he trailed off as tears once again gathered in his eyes.

"They were your family," Bones finished for him. "Why didn't Ellie mention her?" Bones asked, remembering Ellie had said Jim was the only one who loved her.

"She doesn't talk about her," Jim told him. "Ever. She can't deal with losing anyone else and so she doesn't talk about her. You didn't see her after the crash, she was unresponsive and uncommunicative. She can't lose her, Bones," Jim said begging.

Bones nodded knowing there was more than an eighty percent chance Mrs. Avery would come out of the surgery brain dead; and Ellie would find him at fault because she hadn't been told the severity of the cancer.

Jim and Ellie sat in the waiting room as Mrs. Avery was taken to surgery, waiting in agony to hear from Bones.

"What is it?" Jim asked when Bones came to give them an update and pulled him away from Ellie.

"The cancer had deteriorated more of the brain than we had thought," Bones explained.

"You can't remove it," Jim said defeated.

Bones sighed shaking his head. "The reason Dr. Sullivan agreed to letting our best neurosurgeon take this case was because Mrs. Avery wanted them to try to remove all of it."

"What are you saying?" Jim asked not understanding. "Is she brain dead?"

"The tumor had eroded into the medulla oblongata, removing it left her unable to breathe. She asked for no extraordinary measures," Bones explained gently. "She's dead Jim."

He watched the shock register on Jim's face, seeing his friend reeling from the loss. "Do you want me to tell her?"

Jim shook his head. "She should hear it from me," he said before walking back to Ellie who looked up at him fearfully, knowing something was wrong. "Come here," he said taking her hand and leading her into a room and shutting the door.

Bones sat in the chair Ellie had been occupying, watching them through the window. Jim opened his mouth once and Bones saw his inability to tell her when he closed his mouth without speaking. But Ellie understood anyway and Bones watched the shock and then the pain spread across her face, seeing her start gasping for breath as the weight of another loss began suffocating her.

Jim reached for her and she pushed him away, her shoulders shaking as she began to cry. Bones watched as she began yelling him, seeing she'd realized Jim had known how serious Mrs. Avery's cancer was. Her hands pushed hard against his chest before she covered her face, and then she dropped her hands and yelled at him again. And Bones watched as Jim stood there and took it as she yelled, and as he held back from reaching for her when she sobbed. Jim waited until Ellie covered her face with her hands weeping before he reached for her, and then he waited until she reached for him before he took her in his arms and held her.

Bones saw more than just their pain, he could see their love; Jim knew her in a way no one ever would, and Ellie loved Jim more than life itself; he wondered if maybe Jim was the only reason she had survived this long. Bones watched her shoulders shake as she cried, and how Jim completely enveloped her in his arms.

...

Ellie continued staying in the hospital for the remaining month before she would leave on the Enterprise, and Jim stayed with her. He would leave during the day to see to his own duties as a captain, but he'd hold her as they slept drawing comfort from all they could. It was a relief to leave Earth, the place where they had lost everyone.

For Ellie it was almost a relief to see Scotty again; with his thick scottish accent, and his ability to make her laugh even if she didn't want to. It was three months after the Enterprise returned to space and Ellie was just starting to find herself again when it happened – something she had never expected to feel, and something that would make it impossible for Bones to be near her.

"Nosebleeds can be caused by anything. If it continues then we can worry. But since this is her first one, I'd say. Hi," she said smiling at the little girl playing with her fingers, feeling her small mouth sucking on her knuckles. "I don't think it's anything to worry too much over," Ellie told the little girl's mother.

Ellie could nearly see the relief in the mother's face as she smiled down at her little girl. "It's my first time back on board since I had Laura. I couldn't leave her for a year," she explained as she watched Dr. Davis playing with her daughter to keep her happy.

Ellie picked the little blonde haired girl and held her on her hip. "I think it's great that you brought her along," Ellie told the mother before she pretended to bite on the Laura's fingers, eliciting a squeal from her.

"You're very good with her. Do you have children?"

"No," Ellie said shaking her head, nor did she want them. Or at least that's what she had thought; holding Laura and seeing her sweet chubby cheeks smiling made her wonder if she could be a mother, liking the feeling of holding a child. Thoughts of her own mother had kept her from ever wanting a child, afraid to leave her daughter in the state she herself was left in.

Bones looked over at the sound of the girl's giggling to see Ellie kissing the girl's cheeks, a rare breathtaking smile on her lips. She was the last person Bones would ever think of to be a mother, but seeing her with the child made him wonder; and then it hit him harder than it ever had – she was going to die.

* * *

_I tried to show that even though Bones was keeping her at arms length he still cares for her. And yet the knowledge of knowing she's going to die still hits him when he's around her. I hope that translated into my writing, I'm not quite sure if it did. Again, thank you all so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed._


	13. that you're coming back

Ellie was quickly losing her patience with Bones; he wouldn't talk to her, wouldn't look at her. It was nearly impossible to work with him because of it. She spent the majority of her time with the nurses and other medical officers, Jim, and Scotty. She surprisingly spent more of her time with Scotty than anyone else, including Jim.

"I can't take him telling me he loves me anymore. I mean I get it, he does, but it's just too much," she complained one day as she laid across Scotty's bed.

"Maybe he just wants you to know," Scotty offered lamely, knowing he couldn't tell her it was because she was supposed to die.

Ellie rolled her head to look at where he lay beside her. "You know something," she accused him.

"I do not," he said defiantly.

Ellie sat up staring at him. "Tell me," she ordered, knowing whatever it was explained Bones' behavior too.

"I know nothing," he said again as he sat up. He was surprised by Ellie shoving him back down and straddling his waist, pinning him to the bed with her smaller body.

"You're lying," she accused, her hands firm on his chest to keep him down.

"Ellie," he said nearly whining. "I have to go."

"Not until you tell me," she demanded sternly.

He knew it was all unfair to her, Jim being overly loving and Bones being overly harsh; but Jim was right, she couldn't know. He was having a hard time remembering all of that with her glaring down at him, looking fierce in her exasperated irritation; but most of his thoughts were focused on anything but the feeling of her hips on his, and so he was thinking of everything mechanical and boring he could.

And that was the sight Bones was met with; Scotty on his back almost blushing, and Ellie with her curly blond hair hiding her face as she hovered over him. Something hot and dangerous flooded through him at seeing them, he himself had been in Scotty's position only neither she nor him had been wearing clothes.

"The Captain needs you," Bones said gruffly startling Scotty, Ellie looked over at him with angry blue eyes.

"Well, if the Captain needs me," Scotty said relieved, flipping Ellie easily onto her back and slipping off the bed.

"You're telling me later," she demanded and Scotty smirked leaning over her.

"No I'm not," he told her.

She stared up at him, staring hard into his eyes. "Jim told you not to," she said, all resolve leaving her, knowing if Jim didn't want her to know then she wouldn't.

"Yup," he said leaning down and kissing her cheek making her scoff and roll over. "Are you staying here?" he asked confused as to why she wasn't leaving.

"I have the day off," she said as though that explained things, but looking at his consternated face she knew it didn't. "Someone sick will find me if I go to my room."

"So you're staying here," Scotty said still confused as to what she was planning to do.

"I'm sleeping," she said and he sighed before standing and pulling the covers over her; smiling when he saw she was already close to asleep. His smile fell when he saw the dark looking on McCoy's face, having guessed a year ago from his behavior towards Ellie that he was the guy who'd hurt her.

Bones turned from Scotty's questioning eyes and stalked his way back to the medical wing, thinking of Ellie laying with Scotty as she had with him; hating them both for it. It didn't cross his mind that her and Scotty being close was his fault until the end of the day, and by the time he thought of that he had already convinced himself he was not apart of her life and so nothing she did mattered.

"All done Captain," Scotty said when he'd done what Jim'd needed him to.

"Thanks Scotty," Jim said clapping him on the shoulder. "Hey, have you seen Ellie? It's her day off, she was supposed to come to the bridge."

"She's sleeping," Scotty told him.

"She's not in her room, I sent someone to find her," Jim said, now suspicious.

Scotty gave him a guilty smile. "She's in my room," he said before trying to rush off, though Kirk's hand on his arm kept him there.

"And why is that?" Jim asked, and Scotty missed the amusement in his narrowed eyes.

Scotty thought of something to say. "Cause some sick person would find her if she was in hers," he said.

Jim watched Scotty's brows furrow as he thought of what he had said, and then as Scotty nodded his approval. Jim could do no more than raise a brow and shake his head. "Keep her clothes on," he said before walking back to the bridge.

Scotty was left sputtering, trying to explain, but he gave up when Jim had turned the corner. He walked back to his room planning to demand Ellie not stay in his room anymore; it not being the first time she had, though in her defense she rarely slept being the head surgeon and she never meant to fall asleep. Everytime he found her sleeping he always planned to wake her up, but seeing her peaceful as she slept he never could.

That was the problem he faced when he opened his door to find her curled on her side still fast asleep. He pulled off his red shirt and shoes before crawling on the bed next to her, curling his body around hers; keeping true to his word to Jim and laying on top of the covers.

"Bones," Jim greeted hours later when the doctor came on the bridge. "Can you get Ellie?"

Bones' look turned harder. "You called me here to get your cousin?"

"No, I called my chief medical officer to get my head surgeon. And my attention has been brought to the fact that they are not professionally getting along," Jim said sounding very much the captain that he now was. Though in truth he was more concerned over how they were personally getting along, which was much worse than their professional relationship.

Bones clenched his jaw, swallowing his personal feelings regarding Ellie. "Yes, Captain Kirk."

Jim sighed knowing Bones had decided he wanted nothing to do with Ellie but there was a problem; Jim didn't want any other chief medical officer than Bones, and he didn't want anyone other than Ellie either. "She's with Scotty," Jim told him, seeing something flare in Bones' eyes – the question of why that was running through his head.

"Of course she is," Bones grumbled as he walked off the bridge. He didn't bother knocking, he didn't bother with any courtesy, he opened the door and nearly exploded at the sight.

It didn't cross his mind that the way Ellie was curled into Scotty, her head under his chin and her arms around his waist while he held her, was how she and Jim slept. All he could think of was the fact that she was in Scotty's arms, not Jim's – and if he were honest with himself what truly bothered him was that she wasn't in his arms.

Scotty woke from the light shining through the door, and he blinked through his sleepy haze.

"Captain wants her," Bones said shortly.

Scotty shook Ellie gently until she stirred. "Captain wants you," he mumbled before settling back down.

Ellie threw the covers over him before crawling off the bed and toward the door. "What does Jim want?" she asked seeing it was Bones, not awake enough to care he had been cold to her.

Bones shrugged before walking back in the direction of the bridge. It had been smooth movement, one he could hardly feel, and then he was slammed into non-moving. He knew the moment it happened they had been thrown out of warp, but that did nothing to stop him being taken off his feet.  
"Ellie."  
It was lost on Bones that in the face of everything he still reached for her immediately. He turned to find her on the ground, a cabinet to her left, and her holding her stomach.

"I'm fine," she chocked out when Bones knelt beside, the breath knocked out of her from where she collided with the edge of the cabinet. "I'll head to the medical wing, you go to the bridge," she said before standing.

Bones did not miss the way she leaned against the wall holding the space below her left breast. "Are you sure you're alright?" he asked concerned, seeing her pale face and shaking hands.

"I'll get checked out," she said before walking in the opposite direction. There were a few head injuries, many bruises, but nothing too severe in the sick bay.

In almost everywhere else there were more severe problems; they were on red alert, the lights were dimmed and the alert lights were flashing. They had come across an ion storm and had been knocked off course, rendering their impulse engines useless. They had contacted the nearest ship which was on their way, though their speed would slow the closer they came to avoid entering the storm; which would leave the Enterprise stranded for hours.

Those few hours would prove to be the last straw for Ellie's patience with Bones, at seeing his complete refusal to have anything to do with her. It would also prove to be crucial for Ellie, who had been hurt worse than she had let on.

* * *

_Please forgive my lack of knowledge when it comes to Star Trek; I really only know the 2009 and new movie. So I'm not quite sure if what happened to the ship in the ion storm was completely accurate, that's basically all I could figure out what would happen from what I looked up. _


	14. you're coming back for me

After three hours Ellie couldn't withstand the pain in her abdomen, she would hunch over every so often until it passed but after three hours it didn't pass. "Nurse Chapel," Ellie called when she saw her.

"Yes, Dr. Davis?"

"I fell when we were thrown off course. Could you give me a quick scan?" Ellie asked, pausing every so often to take a deep breath.

Nurse Chapel would have tried to find a way to get out of it – having slept with Jim Kirk and was now nothing more than a scratch in his bedpost – if not for how ill Ellie looked. "Alright, lay back," she said before grabbing her scanner. "The only cause for concern I'm finding is the upper left quadrant of you abdomen," she said as she now held the scanner over the area. "But I'm not getting a clear scan."

Ellie hissed when Nurse Chapel pressed on the area of concern, seeing it was rather distended as well as firm to the touch.

"Take my blood pressure," Ellie said quietly, blinking rapidly at the fogginess in her head. "It's low isn't it?" she asked when Nurse Chapel didn't respond.

…

"You gonna answer that, Bones," Jim asked when Bones' communicator went off for the fourth time.

Bones flipped open his communicator knowing exactly who it was, and so he was surprised when he heard Nurse Chapel's voice instead of Ellie's.

"Dr. McCoy, thank god," Nurse Chapel said relieved when he finally answered her call. "Dr. Davis is in surgery and she needs,"

"She can handle it," Bones said interrupting her and closing his communicator.

"Dr. McCoy?" Nurse Chapel said panicking. "I'll call him again," she said trying to reassure Ellie who was laying on a table.

"No, it's fine," she said realizing he wouldn't come. "Get me Henry Wyatt."

"The intern?" Nurse Chapel asked.

"He'll be a resident after his tests," Ellie explained, wincing as another wave of pain washed over her.

"I'll go get Dr. McCoy myself," Nurse Chapel told her. "You need someone who knows what they're doing. We'll put you under."

"No," Ellie refused. "He won't come. Get me Henry."

"Are you sure?" Nurse Chapel asked.

Ellie turned to the nurse glaring at her. "Get him, now," she ordered, tears in her eyes as the pain worsened. She laid on the operating table trying to breathe through the pain, a nurse coming to insert a morphine drip and a nasal cannula in her nose when her breathing shallowed.

"Dr. Davis," Henry said when he saw her lying on the table, a cover over her shoulders and hips to keep her unexposed and a bouffant cap to hold her hair, but her stomach showed. "What happened?"

"I fell, Dr. Wyatt," she told him blandly.

"Right, I can see that," he said embarrassed.

"Alright Dr. Wyatt, assess your patient," Ellie told him, breathing as much as she could, now feeling nothing from the morphine.

"There's bruising on the abdomen," he said, looking to Ellie questioningly.

"I can't see," she told him as patiently as she could. "I need you to tell me everything you see so I can tell you," she stopped to take a breath, "what to do."

Henry looked down at her shocked. "I can't do this, Dr. Davis."

"Yes you can," Ellie told him. "I supervised your first solo surgery a year ago and I've been there as you did plenty more."

"Dr. McCoy is better handled for this, he's our chief medical officer," Henry said looking down at his attending. "You two are the best surgeons on board."

"Dr. McCoy has his hands full. Henry, listen to me," Ellie said seriously, pausing to take another breath. "It's a basic midline laparotomy. You've done those before."

He was growing concerned at how shallow her breathing was. "Yes but you were always there," he told her.

"Henry, I'm right here," she said irritably. "Now, my blood pressure is low and dropping. If you wait too long I'll go into hypertensive shock and pass out, and you'll be left with me bleeding out on your OR table. So are you going to stand there and wait for that to happen or are you gonna do what I said?"

"Yes, Dr. Davis," Henry said nervously. "Scalpel."

"Good, Dr. Wyatt," Ellie said softly as she tried to breathe deeper. She laid on the table unable to feel anything and yet knowing she was being cut open.

"I need suction," she heard Henry say.

"Dr. Davis," Nurse Chapel said when she saw Ellie's breathing grow more panicked. "Everything's alright, just breathe," she soothed. "Are you sure you don't want me to get Dr. McCoy?"

"If he doesn't come in half an hour call him again," Ellie said.

"Dr. Davis," Henry said as he stood over her staring down into her abdomen. "There's a lot of blood and I can't find the source."

"Okay," Ellie taking a breath, swallowing her panic. "Open me up more and find the origin."

"I can't Dr. Davis," Henry said sounding more scared than she was.

"Henry," Ellie said sternly. "Don't you let me bleed out on this table."

"Yes ma'am," he said consternated before doing as she said.

"Nurse Chapel," Ellie called when she felt something. "I feel something on my hand. Is my IV leaking?"

Nurse Chapel lifted the blue cover off of Ellie's right hand. "There's blood coming out around your IV."

Ellie racked her braid for what that meant. "I'm in DIC. I need Ffp, packed red blood cells, and platelets," she said. "Now!" she yelled when no one moved. "Call Bones," she told Nurse Chapel.

"Dr. McCoy," Nurse Chapel greeted when he answered. "Dr. Davis is still in surgery and she really needs,"

"What is it she needs my help with?" he answered shortly, having been standing with Jim and Scotty as they talked about possibly fixing the impulse engines enough to get them further from the storm.

"She's leading Dr. Wyatt through an abdominal exploration looking for a bleed," Nurse Chapel explained quickly.

"Look, she's done hundreds she knows what she's doing," Bones said before hanging up on her again.

Nurse Chapel stared at her communicator in shock. "I can't believe it," she whispered.

"I don't think he understands I'm the patient," Ellie said in his defense though in truth she wanted to hit him. "Dr. Wyatt, tell me what you see."

"It looks like the spleen is the source of the bleeding," he answered, having been hoping Dr. McCoy would come because he was slowly panicking.

"Okay," Ellie said exhaling deeply as stars began twinkling in her vision. "So mobilize the spleen and divide it by its ligamentus attachments." She was left breathing heavily, feeling as though someone was sitting on her chest.

"I can't, I've never done it," he said, his voice showing how afraid he was.

"You can, you've seen me do it and you've assisted me in it. Mobilize, assess the injury, and stop the hemorrhage," she said sternly, knowing he worked best when she was hard on him.

"Okay," he said finding his resolve. "I need mets and lap pads, and follow me with suction."

"Good Henry," Ellie sighed, the black stars growing darker. "Nurse Chapel, go get Dr. McCoy."

"Yes Dr. Davis," she said before rushing out of the room.

"Dr. Davis am I doing something wrong?" he asked, now afraid she didn't think he was capable of this and so he was beginning to think he couldn't do it.

"You're doing fine, Henry," Ellie reassured him. "I am going into hypertensive shock and I'm gonna pass out soon, and you need encouragement."

"You're gonna be fine, Dr. Davis," he said hearing the fear in her own voice. "Thank you for requesting me to still be your intern on the Enterprise," he said trying to take her mind off of what he was doing.

"Henry, you've been my intern for two years. I'll be damned if I let someone take credit for the work I put into you," she said smiling slightly before she gasped for a breath. "You'll be my resident too," she told him.

"Thank you," Henry told her, trying not to cry – the panic of performing surgery on his attending and the fact that she believed in him was taking it's toll on his emotions.

"Henry," she said, her voice shaking. "I am laying on a table with your hands in my abdomen and I am scared. Don't you dare cry," she ordered.

"Yes ma'am," he said swallowing his tears as he searched for the hemorrhage. "Why did you request me?"

"You remind," she broke off to take a breath, "me of Jim." She breathed heavily once she'd finish talking, it being harder to do that.

…

Nurse Chapel had run out of the medical wing and toward the bridge. "Scotty," she yelled when she saw him in front of her.

"Hello," he said when he saw her. "I'm in a rush, it was good seeing you."

"Wait," she yelled when he turned away. "Dr. Davis is in surgery and she needs Dr. McCoy."

"She's a terrific surgeon, I'm sure she's fine," Scotty informed her.

"No, Dr. Davis is the one having the surgery," Nurse Chapel informed him, though much less kindly.

"What?" he asked appalled at Bones not being the one to do her surgery. "Who's the surgeon?"

"An intern. Dr. Davis is leading him through the surgery and she's going into shock. I need to be back to make sure she stays calm, get Dr. McCoy and make sure he knows it's Dr. Davis who's on the table," she said before rushing back to the medical wing.

Scotty nearly ran the rest of the way to the bridge. "Ellie's having surgery," he said breathing heavily when he'd reached McCoy and pulled him aside.

"Who is she doing surgery on?" Bones asked irritated Ellie needed him on such a simple surgery.

"She's on the table," Scotty told him.

Bones stared hard at him, remembering Nurse Chapel's calls. "She's in surgery," he said realized just what that meant. "God dammit," he growled before running.

…

"Dr. McCoy," Henry said relieved when he saw him. "I did everything she said, _everything. _I can't stop the bleeding."

Bones looked down at Ellie, wiping the tear that had escaped when she'd fallen unconscious; wishing he had come sooner, knowing she had been scared. "Alright, let me in," he said moving to stand where Henry had been so he could see. "Increase suction." He inspected her spleen, looking for the source of the bleed. "Dammit, I'm not gonna be able to salvage any of this. I need to do a complete splenectomy to get control of the hemorrhage."

…

"Bones, the USS Bradbury's here. They're gonna tow us. If you've got your hands in someone take a break until we're moving," Jim said when Bones answered his call.

Bones looked over at Ellie and then back down at her spleen. "Alright clear," he ordered and everyone held their hands up and waited for them to hit warp speed. "Hey Jim," Bones said into the communicator that Nurse Chapel was holding to his ear.

"Yeah Bones?"

"Tell me when we'll fall out of warp," he said looking back to Ellie's face.

"Sure thing," Jim said before hanging up.

…

It was a few hours before Bones had removed her spleen and he was sewing her up when Jim called him to let him know they would fall out of warp. She was wheeled out of the operating room and into the Starfleet Station.

"Hey Bones," Jim said when he saw him. "This your patient?" he asked looking to see who it was. He paled when he saw it was Ellie.

"I didn't want you to panic," Bones explained. "She'll be fine. I'll stay with her here for a week until she can be shuttled down," he assured him.

"Thanks," Jim said staring at Ellie's sleeping face and the breathing tube in her mouth. "What happened?"

"She fell when we hit the ion storm. I hadn't thought anything of it," he said, berating himself for not coming to her sooner.

"I'm glad you were there," Jim told him.

"You have to give an account of what happened," Bones said. "You can't stay with her."

Jim nodded before going to catch his shuttle, and Bones wheeled her to the room she would be monitored in – sitting himself in the chair beside her bed.

It was hours of listening to her heart monitor, and the quiet sound of her breathing now that he'd removed the breathing tube, and he couldn't sit near her anymore. He ran the tap and splashed water onto his face, looking to see her laying hooked up to machines and IVs in the bathroom mirror. He cupped water in his hands before bringing it to his face, trying to rub his worry away.

There was a moment, as he was running to the medical wing, when he thought that was when Ellie would die. And now he was dealing with the aftershock of realizing he wasn't ready to lose her yet.

_If only Jim hadn't said anything_, Bones thought as he looked at himself in the mirror; his eyes roaming from his face to hers. He breathed heavily as water ran down his face, his knuckles white from how tightly he held the sink. His thoughts circled to how they were before he knew, of how they hadn't fought for months, of the times he'd taken her to bed. He'd enjoyed spending time with her, of seeing her thirst for knowledge and need to help people; he'd grown to like her, more than he'd thought. And in the face of her dying he'd run away.

He looked back to Ellie to see her eyes fluttering as she regained consciousness. "Hey Ellie," he said softly as he sat beside her.

She looked over at him with heavy eyes. "I needed you," she whispered and he nearly winced at knowing he had let her down. "I was bleeding out on a table, we called you three times. I was scared and I needed you."

He looked down ashamed, knowing she had been afraid; not able to imagine having to talk someone through his own surgery. "Ellie, I'm so sorry."

"I don't want anything to do with you," she told him, hatred in her eyes. "I'll work with you as a doctor because you're Jim's friend. But I don't want anything to do with you."


	15. cause even though you left me here

Ellie was as civil as she could be to Bones for the remainder of the week. He scanned her everyday, paying close attention to her abdomen, made sure she ate. For the first two days she could hardly move on her own and Bones refused to get anyone else so he helped her when she needed to move. She sat still and uncommunicative in the bathtub as he washed her hair, refusing to let herself enjoy his fingers running through her hair.

Bones knew she was angry, hell even he was angry with himself; but he was over keeping her at arms length – at least he tried to be. Looking at her laying in the hospital bed made it hard to forget she was supposed to die, and that made it hard to be near her.

"You could talk to me," he offered on the fifth day. He was sitting beside her reading listening to her flipping through television programs, settling on one before changing it less than five minutes later – seeing she had been cooped up for too long.

She turned to him with dark unfriendly eyes before looking back to the screen. He sighed at her lack of response, the only time she had been speaking to him was to answer his questions on her health.

"Goddammit Ellie!" he yelled making her jump at how his voice broke the silence. "How many times do I have to apologize? How was I supposed to know it was you on the table?"

Ellie looked at him surprised at first and then anger flooded through her eyes. She was angry for more than him just ignoring her call leaving her scared and open on an operating table, he had been ignoring her for a while. And so she turned away from him again without saying anything, pointing the remote to the screen before changing the channel.

"Good god woman," Bones muttered slamming his book on the bedside table before snatching the remote from her hand and throwing it so hard at the wall that it broke.

"What the hell!" she yelled outraged as he went to the wall and flicked his hand across it to turn off the television.

"We're talking," he told her.

Ellie looked at him indignantly before huffing and sitting back on the many pillows the nurses gave her.

"Ellie," he said standing in front of her, seeing her roll her eyes and turn away from him again. "Ellie," he said louder, "please."

She finally turned to look at him, waiting without speaking.

He sighed before sitting on the bed beside where she sat crosslegged; Scotty had taken the shuttle back to earth and had returned with clothes for her – he was the only person she actually did talk to and Bones hated to see how close they had become.

"I_ am_ sorry," he said with conviction. "I never would have left you on that table had I known," he swore to her.

She stared hard at him, seeing he was sincere. And truth was, she knew he was sorry just like she knew when he understood it was her in surgery that he immediately had come running; and had he not have treated her as he had been she would have forgiven him, even if she was waking up in a cold sweat feeling someone's hands inside her abdomen every night. "You don't get it," she told him.

"What am I not getting?" he demanded angrily.

"It sucks doesn't it?" she asked him condescendingly.

"What?" he asked her now confused.

She gave a short laugh shaking her head. "To try to hold on to something the other person refuses to," she told him.

And he understood. "That isn't fair Ellie," he said quietly, she didn't know what he did.

"And you being an ass is?" she cried, resisting the urge to shove him off the bed. "I've been trying to figure out what the hell your problem is for two years. Two years Bones!"

He couldn't look at her, not then; she was right, he had been cold to her and given her no reason for it.

"I'm done," she said seeing he would offer no excuse for his behavior. "You're Jim's friend. That's what you started as and it's fine. But you and me," she said smiling exasperatedly. "I don't think we were made to be friends."

Bones sat quietly listening to her talk, realizing how he had missed listening to her sweet voice. "So what does that mean?" he asked having figured the same thing. There had always been tension between them – they were either fighting or screwing, and they had always fought more than got along.

She looked at him thinking much on the same line as him. "Get out," she said simply.

He was not surprised at her words but it shocked him to hear them none-the-less.

"I want you to leave," she said, her voice strained, when he didn't move.

"Alright," he said softly before standing, noticing for the first time Jim standing in the doorway.

"So I was right," Jim said after Bones closed the door. "It's because I told you."

"When did you even get here?" Bones asked.

"A few minutes ago," Jim answered quickly. "It is isn't it?"

"Yes Jim," Bones said to shut him up. "We were fine, getting along. I mean I really," he stopped before he said he liked her, not ready to admit his feelings for her to even himself. "You shouldn't have said anything."

"I'm seeing that," Jim said angrily.

"Don't you act like this is my fault," Bones growled, understanding why Ellie was mad at him but Jim had no place. "How was I supposed to react to that?"

"You weren't supposed to alienate her for it. Do you really want her to die hating you?" Jim demanded.

"No, I'd rather her die annoyed because I won't stop telling her I love her," Bones shot back.

They were left staring angrily at each other, breathing heavily as they controlled the urge to hit the other. Neither of them caught how close Bones was to telling Jim the truth about how he felt for Ellie.

"I know I'm not ready to lose her," Jim said. "Do you?"

"No," Bones said grabbing Jim's arm. "You don't just say something like that and then walk away."

Jim turned back to him, shaking his hand off his arm. "I'll say this before I walk away; you were her friend Bones. That's big for her."

"Why?" Bones demanded, that not being much for other people. "Why the hell is that so big for her?"

"Because her last friend died in her arms," Jim answered seeing the impact those words had on Bones – his face shocked and now understanding. And with that Jim left him, closing the door to Ellie's room behind him.

"When did you get here?" Ellie asked when Jim slid in the bed and wrapped her in his arms.

"A few minuets ago," he answered. He hadn't missed the quick movement of her hands as she wiped her cheeks when he closed the door; realizing she and Bones had been closer than he had thought. "Thank you for trying," he said, remembering it had been him who had asked her to give Bones a chance.

Ellie laid in his arms, relishing the feeling of him holding her as she had wanted since when she'd needed surgery. "I wish it had mattered," she said softly, not realizing how she herself had grown to care for Bones; hating herself being such a girl in the way she was behaving. "Jim," she said rolling over to face him. "He's your friend, and you need one. At least one who gets feelings cause Spock really doesn't."

Jim let out a small laugh. "God, no he doesn't," he agreed thinking of the Vulcan. "You know Bones does really care about you."

"It's just what you told him makes caring for me hard on him," she finished.

"What I told him?" Jim asked guiltily.

Ellie looked at him sternly. "You know something," she told him. "You and Scotty. But I don't wanna know what it is," she said quickly.

"You don't?" he asked warily.

"If it's bad enough to make you need to tell me you love me every time you see me, then no," she answered, too scared to hear what it was.

Jim nodded before pulling her closer, kissing the top of her head.

"Is it bad?" she whispered, her breath warm against his neck.

He held her silently for a while, not knowing how to answer that. "I love you," he mumbled the answer in her hair. And in those three words she knew it was unthinkable, and with Jim's love and Scotty's friendliness and Bones' coldness; she was afraid.

* * *

_So next chapter I will jump a year and go straight in Into Darkness. For those who have not seen the movie there will probably be spoilers; but I'll do it like I did the first movie and only do the scenes that pertain to my character, so a lot of the movie might actually not be in there. Also, for those who have seen the movie I need help with quotes. If anyone remembers any quotes from any point of the movie please let me know; or else I'm going based off my memory and basically making up what they said. So I would be forever grateful if anyone remembers dialogue. And I'll put this as a reassuring sidenote; her and Bones will get on better terms after the new movie, they start getting better near the end but it's mostly after. Thank you all so much for reading and I hope you're still enjoying it. _


	16. I have nothing left to fear

_Lola: thank you so much for reviewing, I'm really glad to hear you like it. I figured with Bones it would take awhile before a relationship actually happened, he's a bit of an ass sometimes. _

* * *

Ellie stood next to Scotty on the bridge waiting for word from Jim, trying to convince herself it was only her cousin she was worried for and not Bones.

"Hiding a Starship in the ocean," Scotty muttered unhappily. "I'll give him more than a piece of my mind when he returns."

Ellie laughed lightly shaking her head. "He'll clap you on the back and tell you everything's fine," she told him nudging his shoulder.

"No seriously," Scotty said turning to her appalled, "do you know how ridiculous it is?"

"Scotty," she said turning to him and running her hands along his arms soothingly. "I know it is, you don't need to tell me again." She had nearly been put to sleep when he told her all of the mechanical reasons why sitting in the ocean was stupid when he'd told her last night; it was an hour of her life she would never get back. "Wait till Jim gets back and then yell at him."

"He'll just tell me there's nothing to worry about," Scotty grumbled nearly pouting leaving Ellie to try and hide her smile. "That everything worked out fine."

Ellie patted his arm before moving to stand beside him again. "Honestly you should be more worried over the shuttle Spock, Uhura, and Sulu are in," she told him after having listened to his ranting about that as well.

"Taking a shuttle into a bloody volcano," he said outraged and she chuckled. "They can't withstand that amount of heat."

"I know," she agreed teasing him, "it's a stupid idea."

"You're damn right it's stupid," he said not catching her laughter. "How they plan to get Spock in there and then get him out is beyond me."

"Oh look Jim's coming back," Ellie said interrupting Scotty's rant before it could begin again. She followed him to where Jim and Bones would enter and then they both waited as the room deflooded.

"Do you have any idea how ridiculous it is to hide a Starship at the bottom of the ocean?" Scotty demanded the moment the doors opened.

"I'm gonna go back to the medical wing," Ellie said to no one in particular, not wanting to listen to Scotty fuss over mechanics anymore.

"No stay," Scotty said grabbing her hand as he pulled her along after Jim and Bones as they walked towards the bridge.

"Scotty," Ellie said pulling on him so he'd stop walking, "sweetie, listen to me."

Jim turned surprised at hearing her call him sweetie, knowing her well enough to know she was between amused and annoyed.

Ellie held Scotty's hands in hers as she looked up at him seriously. "I don't care," she told him simply before releasing him and turning away. "I'm going to the medical wing," she called over her shoulder as she walked in the opposite direction.

Scotty stared after her dismayed before turning back to Jim. "It's bloody ridiculous," he exclaimed walking after Jim. Jim would have chuckled at the sound of Ellie's laughter if not for his worry over Spock. Bones followed after Jim not missing the fact that Ellie hadn't even glanced his way.

Ellie had noticed him, it had pained her to keep her eyes off him; she hated how good he looked in his wet suit. She sighed at herself, hating Bones for making her into such a girl. She shouldn't even be thinking of him, she should be thinking of Scotty; he was nice, they rarely argued, whatever it was he knew didn't change the way he treated her. She had been seeing Scotty for three months and it bothered her to no end that her thoughts kept straying to Bones even though she could hardly stand to be near him without wanting to punch him in the face.

And so she stood in the medical wing wishing she had someone to cut open, surgery being a wonderful way of relieving stress; though in the end no one needed anything. Jim made the decision to have the Enterprise go near the volcano so they could beam Spock up, exposing the Enterprise to the natives on Nibiru.

"I assure you, Dr. Davis, I am fine. Surprisingly," Spock added as Ellie scanned him.

"You know he saved your life," Ellie told him as she ran the scanner over his upper body.

"He broke protocol," Spock explained making Ellie roll her eyes though she was more amused.

"To save your life," she said again. She continued to scan him, finding nothing wrong. "You're gonna write a report aren't you?"

"Yes of course," Spock said as though the idea of not writing one was unthinkable. "As will the captain."

"Course he will," Ellie said quietly knowing Jim would, just not an honest one. "You're both gonna get in trouble you know," she told him as she put the scanner down.

"I am aware," he told her simply, not seeing the problem because that was the correct repercussions for their actions.

Ellie looked at him baffled. "Okay," she said stepped back. "Your scans are clean, I see nothing wrong with you. Medically," she added as an after thought.

"Just as I told you," Spock said moving off of the table she had sat him on. "It was good talking to you, Dr. Davis," he said as he walked to the door.

Ellie stared after Spock with furrowed brows. "You too Mr. Spock," she said shaking her head before looking back to her charts.

"I see why the captain spends so much of his time with you," Spock said from the doorway.

Ellie turned to him with her brows raised. "And why is that?" she asked curious as to what he would say.

Spock was quiet a moment as he thought. "You're more caring than you let on," he answered, no more emotion in his voice than if he had told her the sky was blue.

"Thank you," she said uncertain.

"I am visibly fine," he told her. "My health was proven to be in perfect condition the first time you scanned me. And yet you gave me another for, what did you call it; "Good measure?"

Ellie stared at him with furrowed brows wonder what he was getting at, it being her job as a doctor to care.

He gave her a smile, one that was barely visible on his lips as Vulcans were not known to smile. "You make an excellent doctor, and an even better cousin."

"Well thank you Spock," she said feeling strangely touched.

"You are welcome Elenore," he told her, the feeling of the corners of his mouth no matter how slight was foreign to him. He turned around and headed for the bridge, remembering what Jim had said when he asked why Jim kept telling her he loved her; surprised Spock Prime had told Jim she would die.

Ellie stared after at him as he walked back to the bridge. "The hell was that?" she muttered to herself before going about strapping everything down as they began their return to the Starfleet station.

"Ellie," she heard Scotty call. "Wanna go to a bar after I finish up?"

"Sure," she told him, raising her chin to meet his lips before sitting on a railing as he went around checking things over.

"You're not coming," she heard Scotty say and she looked to see Keenser look down dejectedly.

"Oh Scotty, he can come," Ellie said stepping off the railing and coming to stand beside them.

Scotty looked over at her. "I was gonna take you out," he wrapping an arm around her back.

"You can take me out after," she said smiling. "Or tomorrow for lunch. Come on Keenser, lets go find a bar," she said before she took the arm the small alien offered her.

Scotty looked after the two to see Keenser turn around and stick his tongue out at him. "Hey, she's mine," Scotty said following after, hearing Ellie's laughter and seeing Keenser's smile. Scotty was glad Ellie liked Keenser, the little alien had been his only companion for six months, but Keenser liked Ellie almost as much as he did – in the same way too.

"You're really okay with that?" Bones asked Jim when he saw Scotty wrap his arm around Ellie and kiss her cheek. It hadn't been the first time he saw their affections, and they always made his stomach churn; he remembered the feel of her lips and he honestly hated seeing anyone else with her even if he did like Scotty.

"Of course I am," Jim said proving it with his smile. "Look at her," he told Bones pointing in her direction. "She's smiling, and laughing. I haven't seen her that happy in a while. I'm fine with it."

Bones looked at Ellie to see Jim was right, she did look happy.

"The real question, Bones, is why you're not," Jim said looking at him suspiciously. It wasn't the first time Jim wondered if something had happened between Ellie and Bones, but neither one of them would even allude to an answer and so he could only guess.

"Whatever," Bones grumbled before walking away.

Jim stared after him before giving up. "You wanna drink Spock," he asked looking to the Vulcan to see his expressionless face. "Course not," Jim answered for him clapping him hard on the shoulder. "Hey Ellie wait up," he called before walking after them.

"You're coming too?" Ellie asked when he reached them.

"Unless you two have other plans," he said looking from Ellie to Scotty, his eyes hardening by default when they reached Scotty.

"Just a drink," Scotty assured him quickly, knowing that even though Jim was two years younger than her he still acted like he was older.

"Good," Jim said punching his arm for good measure, glad that Ellie was with someone he liked but not liking that his cousin was in a relationship.

"Only if you don't argue the mechanics of a Starship in the ocean," Ellie told Scotty. "I'm not listening to that again."

"Fine," Scotty grumbled his agreement. "Is Bones not coming?"

"Nah," Jim answered shrugging, not missing the solemnity that settled on Ellie's face.

And there he was again; even when she was happy with Jim and Scotty Bones managed to invade her thoughts.

* * *

_There's a lot of humor in the movie, from dialogue and facial expressions and actions; I tried to add humor in this chapter but I honestly have no idea how well that comes across in writing. I haven't written a story quite like this one, or with characters like it either; so if it isn't too much to ask, would you please tell me whether I was successful or not. _


	17. these are only walls to hold me here

"Come in," Admiral Pike called when a knock sounded on his door. "Elenore," he greeted warmly, grabbing his cane as he stood.

"Admiral," Ellie said smiling before she walked around his desk and hugged him tightly. "How are you?" she asked pulling away to look him over. "How's your back?"

"I'm fine, Elenore," he said brushing aside her concerns. "How have you been?"

She sat in the seat across from his desk. "Fine," she answered shrugging.

"It's been a year and all I get's a fine?" Pike asked with a raised brow.

Ellie smiled rolling her eyes. "Nothing's really happened."

"That's not true," he said smiling in return. "What are your plans when you leave my office?"

"I'm going to lunch with Scotty," she offered, not sure what he wanted out of her.

"The engineer that beamed me, Jim, and Spock onto one pad?" Pike asked sitting back and looking at her, smiling when he saw the slight blush on her cheeks.

"That's the one," she said quietly.

"Well that's something new. Tell me about that," he said enjoying the sweet, flustered way she brushed her hair out of her face.

"Well it's, uh, it's not um," she broke off as she thought of what exactly it was between her and Scotty. "I suppose we're dating," she said with wrinkled brows.

"You suppose?" Pike asked knowing she wasn't great with feelings. "Well does he take you out often?"

"When we're home," she said, grateful he was offering her a heading on what to say. "We spend a lot of time together on the ship."

He stifled the urge to laugh as she looked at him questioningly, knowing she wasn't used to people caring for her – and it being even more foreign for a person to treat her as their daughter. "Alright," he told her. "Scotty's a lucky guy, you're a wonderful young woman." He watched her look down smiling sweetly.

"Thanks," she said softly.

"I mean it," Pike insisted. "You might be the strongest person I know. Besides me of course," he said making her laugh. "I heard about you leading your own surgery, that couldn't have been easy."

"Yeah, well," she said shrugging, hoping to get off the topic.

He saw her grow uncomfortable under his gaze, knowing Jim avoided hard subjects to protect her. "Do you ever have nightmares?"

She kept her head down but lifted her eyes to look at him quickly before dropping them to her lap. "Sometimes," she mumbled under her breath.

"I didn't quite catch that," he said and smiled at the look she gave him. "I know you don't talk about it."

She shrugged again. "I mean Jim's always there, or," she trailed off and looked up to see him watching her expectantly. "Or Scotty," she said leaning back in her chair making him chuckle at her reluctance to talk about herself.

"I'm glad you have someone. It makes it easier," he told her.

"Do you?" she asked him timidly. "Have nightmares?"

He looked at her, seeing her pretty solemn face and her haunted blue eyes. "Yeah."

"What do you do?" she asked him quietly, not used to having anyone talk to her about these things.

It was his turn to shrug. "I let them pass, try to think of other things."

Ellie nodded and he smiled sympathetically.

"It doesn't always work, does it?" he asked seeing the answer in her eyes as she shook her head. She was trying, he could see that, but her smiles didn't reach her eyes. "You should go to lunch," he told her. "Besides, I have an appointment with your cousin and his first officer."

"They're in trouble aren't they?" she asked, having waiting to hear they were.

"I'm not at liberty to say, but I'm sure Jim'll call you after," he said standing.

Ellie walked to the side of his desk. "No, he'll call me after a few drinks," she said before hugging him again. "I missed you."

He smiled as he held her, having missed seeing her everyday as well. "I missed you too sweetheart."

Ellie cleared her knotted throat as she pulled away. "Well I will come by tomorrow to see you," she told him.

"I look forward to it," he told her as she walked out of the door.

_Ten hours later_

"Jim?" Ellie asked rubbing her eyes sleepily. "Is everything alright?"

"No," Jim answered shortly, wincing when Ellie's fingertips ran across a few of the cuts on his face.

"Lets get you cleaned up," she said worriedly.

"No, it's fine," he said pulling away not looking at her.

"Jim, what happened?" she asked now afraid of what he would say.

Jim stood in the hall, his jaw clenching and unclenching much like his fists. "Pike's dead," he said before leaving her standing in her pajamas in shock.

She slammed her hand on the door until he opened it.

"Ellie, what's going on?" Scotty asked seeing her pale face and the rapid rise and fall of her chest from her shallow breathing. "Ellie?" he asked softly reaching for her. She dissolved into tears and he gathered her in his arms, holding her as she shook.

He didn't find out until morning what had upset her and by early afternoon they were both called to return to the Enterprise. Scotty pulled her out of the bed and into the shower, both of them were too upset to even care they were naked; something they had never been before, at least not together.

They sat quietly on the shuttle, not even Keenser could get a smile out of either one of them.

"I have to check out my department," he said when they arrived on the Enterprise. "Those better not be torpedoes," he said as he walked away.

Ellie made her way to the medical wing where she learned Nurse Chapel had asked to be reassigned a new ship, ruining Ellie's day even more. She saw to everything she could before she just didn't care anymore and she found her way back to engineering.

"For the love of God, don't use those torpedoes."

Ellie stood a few feet behind Scotty as he talked to Jim, not believing Jim had accepted his resignation. Scotty turned to leave and came face to face with Ellie. "I'll call you," he told her quietly, kissing her cheek as he walked away with Keenser following after. The little alien looked up at her sadly before bowing slightly to her and walking away.

Jim nearly flinched when Ellie's eyes met his, stark blue and full of pain. He could see the tears threatening to build and he stood waiting for her to do something, to yell or hit him.

"Dr. Davis," a young man said coming to stand beside her. "Dr. Sullivan has agreed to let me be your resident."

Ellie turned from Jim to Henry. "That's great," she said smiling, though she could barely hold the smile for less than three seconds before her chin quivered and tears filled her eyes when she thought of the last person who had said what she had been about to say. "That's really great," she said, tears laced in her voice.

Jim looked at her full of guilt; for leaving her last night and sending the only other person she had to talk to away. "Ellie," he tried to call as she rushed away but she didn't even acknowledge him.

"Allow me," Bones grumbled when he saw Jim wouldn't go after her. "Ma'am," Bones said smiling at Carol Wallace as he left.

"Doctor," Carol said with furrowed brows, perturbed.

Bones walked back to the medical to see Ellie unloading a new shipment the Enterprise had received. He grabbed a handful of gauze packets before putting them in a cabinet, turning back to see Ellie rifling through the box. "How are you?" he asked, the first thing he'd said to her that didn't pertain to medicine in a year.

"I'm fine," she said unconvincingly, a smile that felt as fake as it looked. She grabbed the packets of syringes before putting them in their drawer.

"Really?" he asked.  
Yeah," she said lightly. "Look, I'm not even crying anymore." She wanted to though, she could feel the tears in the back of her throat just waiting to overflow.

"I know you're not fine, Ellie," Bones told her, watching as she dug through the box.

"And how is that?" she asked irritably.

"Well you're talking to me," he said simply, both knowing she hadn't been talking to him in a year. "But you can't talk to Jim cause he won't talk about it, and he accepted the resignation of the only other person you'd talk to."

Ellie sighed knowing he was right; in light of everything her being mad at him seemed petty. "Why are you looking at me like that?" she asked put off by his staring.

Bones raised a brow at her. "You're holding a box of condoms," he told her. He watched as she looked down at the box in her hands and then felt a smile quirk on his lips when she gave a short laugh.

She put the box down before pushing it all away from her, needing someone to talk to in that moment even if it was Bones. "I was gonna say I was proud of him," she said looking up at Bones. "And I am. He'll be a great surgeon."

"Then what made you cry?" Bones asked. He had finally come to the point where he thought he could let her go, but what she next said proved he never could.

"I thought about the last person who said they were proud of me," she answered. "Mrs. Avery."

Bones remembered the woman, had remembered how devastated both she and Jim had been to loose the last person they thought of as family besides each other; and yet he knew that wasn't the answer, the proof being in that Ellie was now crying again. "Ellie?" he asked, feeling uncomfortable when she looked up at him with tears in her eyes.

"But then I realized it was Pike," she said miserably. "And they're both dead."

Bones watched as she covered her face with her hands, seeing her shoulders shake from her tears; not sure what he was supposed to do. "Goddammit Ellie," he said quietly as he moved around the table and placed an arm around her shoulders. He knew he shouldn't care, that she had been the one to break the ties with him; but listening to the sound of her gasping for air before the next sob overtook her made that nearly impossible.

She cried for little more than a minute longer before composing herself. "I'm fine," she said wiping her cheeks. "Thank you," she said so quietly he almost missed it.

"Sure thing," he mumbled wiping a tear streak she'd missed. "Here." He held the communicator out for her and she took it confused.

"Hello?"

"Don't yell at me," Scotty said immediately.

She pulled away from Bones. "I'm not happy with you," she said going into an empty patient room and closing the door.

Bones sighed as he realized she had let him go; the proof being in her walking away without a glance back when she was with Scotty, something that always hurt him. It wouldn't be until later, after he had already screwed everything up, that he would come to realize she had been holding on; and by then he'd be too late.

* * *

_For those who haven't seen the movie and would like to know what all I left out, I would be happy to tell you. So this chapter was pretty sad, cause I personally loved Chris Pike, and now Ellie and Jim have lost their last father figure. Next chapter probably won't be too sad, cause a lot happens so it doesn't leave much time for it. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, I was so glad to finally write a scene with Ellie and Bones being nice again. Thank you all for reading._


	18. HOLD ME HERE

_Guest: you know, I'm a huge fan of her and Scotty as friends. But I'm not really a fan of them romantically, however their relationship serves the purpose of showing that Bones care about her because he's jealous. It also shows that Ellie cares about Bones because she's not fully happy with Scotty cause she can't stop thinking of Bones. I will say this, there's one part of this chapter (maybe only one sentence) that shows she does still like Bones and wants him in her life; if you can find it. _

_Lola: Thank you very much. I didn't add a * between paragraph shifts, but I did try to make the shifts flow more (so I hope I succeeded on some level with that in this chapter, cause I did try, and thank you very much for that comment cause it's something I know I do a lot). I'm so glad to hear you like the way I've developed the characters. Adding a new character into a storyline without screwing up the story is already hard, but adding a love interest to someone like Bones is just ridiculous._

* * *

She finished talking with Scotty, no happier with him than she had been when she first took the communicator; though in truth she knew she was being selfish, she really only wanted him there to hold her when she felt like crying. She opened the door and saw Bones putting the last of the supplies from the box away.

The ship lurched.

She held her arms out and stopped her body from colliding with the wall, catching the cart before it could crash into her.

"Are you alright?" Bones asked rushing to her and running his hands along her stomach, remembering how hurt she had been the last time they had fallen out of warp.

"Yeah, I'll see to everything here you go to the bridge," she said helping up a nurse without a second glance back at him.

Bones stared after her before shaking his head and walking away; seeing they were back to not speaking with each other.

He was wrong, however; Ellie hadn't turned her back on him intentionally, his place as chief medical officer was at the captain's side while hers was in the medical wing – she had not meant to slight him.

She went through the medical wing picking up overturned carts and putting away the supplies that had fallen out before making her way further through the ship. "Dr. Wyatt, see to his head," she told Henry when they came across a man who was bleeding. She heard a familiar voice and she followed it, hearing two equally as familiar voices.

"Captain your head surgeon is here to speak with you," Spock said when he heard her rounding the corner.

Ellie looked over at Spock questioningly. "Thank you Mr. Spock."

"You are welcome Elenore."

Her brows were knitted as she looked at him before she shook her head and turned to Jim, seeing Uhura standing beside him.

"Ellie," Jim said lamely, not sure what to say let alone what she would say. "What are you doing here?"

"I was doing a check to see if everyone was alright when I heard you," she answered. "What are you doing here?" she said wondering why the three of them were near the shuttle launch.

Jim looked at her ready to answer when he looked up to see both Uhura and Spock's eyes on them. He placed a hand on Ellie's back and led her away from the two.

"Captain," Uhura protested.

"One minute," Jim mouthed holding up a finger before he turned back to Ellie, who was looking back at Uhura.

"Are they fighting?" she asked him quietly, seeing the awkward way in which Uhura and Spock stood trying not to look at the other.

"Yeah," Jim whispered with a short laugh.

"What's that even like?" Ellie asked equally as amused.

"That's what I said," Jim told her and they both tried to keep their laughter at bay. Jim looked down at her to see her staring up at him expectantly. "Our warp core's disabled, we," he said motioning to Uhura and Spock, "are going to Qo'noS to capture John Harrison."

"You're going into enemy territory?" Ellie asked appalled.

"Yes," Jim answered before she could form a response. "I am going to capture the man who killed Pike and as your captain you have no place to object," he told her, shocking her into silence. "But as your cousin I would really like you to be okay with my decision."

Ellie stared up at him, seeing his need for her acceptance in his eyes. "You'll be careful," she said seeing the relief flood through his eyes; in all honesty she disagreed with his decision, but as his cousin she didn't need to agree with him to always support what he chose.

"Of course I will," he told her even though they both knew he was going looking for a fight.

Ellie raised herself on the tops of her feet and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. "Just come back to me," she said softly, knowing there was a very real chance he might not.

"I'll always come back to you," he told her kissing her cheek, squeezing her as tightly as he could before releasing her. "Go back to the medical wing," he said before nodding to Uhura and Spock to follow.

Ellie left before Jim could turn the corner, not daring to watch him disappear; already worried enough she would lose the only person she had left. This was the moment when she would have gone to Scotty, when he would have held her and told her everything would be okay even though neither one of them knew if that was true. But if she were to be honest with herself, which she whole-heartedly was not, the person she really wanted was Bones.

Instead she made her way back to the medical wing and checked Henry's patient's stitches to see if he had done them right. She did everything she could to keep herself busy, to keep her mind occupied so she wouldn't think of the danger Jim was now in the middle of with the Klingons.

"Hello," she answered when her communicator beeped.

"We're back."

"Jim," she breathed relieved. "Did you capture him?"

"Yeah we're putting him in a cell now," Jim told her, standing outside of the glass prison that John Harrison would occupy. "Can you come down here for a minute?"

Ellie walked her way from the back of the Enterprise to the front where the holding cell was, wondering what Jim wanted that he couldn't have told her over the communicator. "Hey," she said when she reached the room, seeing Bones drawing blood from John Harrison and Jim standing by his side.

He was more handsome than she thought he'd be; in her mind she had seen him as a monster, his terrible face the equivalent of his crime. But that was not the man standing before her, the man behind the impenetrable glass was just that – a man. At least until his eyes met hers. She was astounded by the sinister way in which he looked at her, as though the hand that was stretched out of the glass cell would wrap around her throat should she come closer.

"Hey," Jim said moving so he blocked her view of Harrison; though in truth Jim was trying to block _his_ view of _her. _

"Why'd you want me down here?" she asked knowing it was not a medical reason because Bones was there.

"I wanted to tell you," he said quietly so Harrison wouldn't overhear; none too pleased he had seen her in the first place, "that this room is off limits to you."

Ellie's attention slammed onto Jim with a ferocity that almost made him want to take a step back. "And why is that?"

"I don't want you anywhere near him," Jim told her thinking it was a reasonable thing to ask of her. And so he didn't understand why she was looking at him like she wanted to smack him.

"Are you kidding me?" she demanded, gaining the attention of Bones from her irritated voice – now all eyes in the room were on her, to which Jim grabbed her and led her out of the room. "You called me all the way down here from the medical wing to personally tell me you don't want me here?" she asked rudely when the door whizzed shut, unhappy he didn't just tell her that on the communicator.

He would have answered yes if not for her hard eyes, knowing that answer would have made her hit him even if he was the captain; she still was his cousin, and even though he didn't always treat her like it, she was older than him. "Maybe I wanted to see you," he answered instead.

"You wanted to see-," she broke off holding her hands up as though she were surrendering. "I'm not even gonna say anything," she said before walking off.  
"Hello," she answered when her communicator beeped.

"I love you."  
She turned around to see Jim with his communicator to his ear, smirking at her ten feet away.

Jim closed the communicator when she did and braced himself for the punch or slap he would receive when she reached him again, but he was surprised by her arms around his neck. "I wanted to see you too," she told him softly and he smiled.

The door whizzed open and Bones stepped out not surprised in the slightest to see them hugging; having seen many times when Jim had irritated her only for them to be fine the next minute. It was not Bones who was surprised at the sight, it was John Harrison. His eyes bored into their entwined figures until the door shut again and a smile spread on his face; he had found Jim Kirk's weakness. Now he needed to exploit it. And as luck would have it, that would not be the last time he saw Elenore Davis.


	19. one day soon I'll hold you

"What'd I do this time?" Ellie asked Jim when Bones walked away grumbling.

"I don't know," Jim sighed wondering if the two of them would ever be friends.

Ellie sighed as well, though she was wondering why everything she did seemed to make Bones more angry with her. "So how did you capture him?"

Jim shrugged. "He surrendered."

"Seriously?" Ellie asked almost amazed. "Just like that?"

Jim shook his head, realizing Ellie was in the same mind he was. "He did after learning we have 72 torpedoes."

"Hmm," Ellie hummed deep in thought. "That's something."

Jim could see the thoughts swarming in her head knowing she was as stumped as he was. "Certainly is," he agreed.

Ellie continued thinking on it, finding no answer to the significance of the number of torpedoes knowing John Harrison had the answers; it was a puzzle, one she wanted to finish – they all owed Pike at least that much. "You going to talk to him again?"

"Yeah," Jim said wanting nothing more than to kill the man. "I mean it, I don't want him seeing you."

"Okay," Ellie told him. "I'll stay away." If she had been a child she would have crossed her fingers behind her back, she had no intention of just walking away from John Harrison – he killed the only other person besides Jim she loved, she couldn't just let that go.

…

Jim entered the room, the urge to punch the man again building the longer they looked at each other.

"You have a lovely sister," he said, the corners of his mouth turned up into a sly smile.

"Don't talk about her," Jim growled moving closer to the glass.

He could see in Kirk's defensive stance that he'd struck a nerve; seeing he was correct in her being a weakness, and such an easy one to destroy. She was a pawn, one he couldn't wait to play.

...

Ellie walked back to the medical wing to see Bones looking at Harrison's blood under a microscope. "Have you found anything?" she asked coming to stand by his side.

"No," he grumbled. "And I won't with you hovering over me."

Ellie looked down at him enraged, more than an arms length away from him. "What the hell is your problem?"

"My problem?" he demanded looking up at her. "You gonna go back to not talkin' to me for a year?"

"You gonna go back to not talking to me for two?" she yelled back, missing the fact that he'd basically told her that her silence had upset him.

"Don't," he told her rising to his feet. "We've already discussed that, it's no longer relevant."

"No longer relevant," she cried. "That's the reason why I, no, no, you know what," she said holding her hands up in surrender, silencing herself from saying she had only stopped talking to him because he refused to talk to her. "Fine, you win. I'm sorry for the way I've been treating you, it was uncalled for," she said giving up.

He moved closer to her, anger burning in his eyes. "You don't get to quit," he told her leaning down so they were face to face. "You started this when you said you were done, now I'm finishing it. _I_ am done."

She stared up at him with no idea of what to say or feel. "Excuse me?"

Bones gave a short, hateful, laugh before shaking his head and turning away from her.

"You're walking away, is that what you're saying?" she asked disbelievingly.

Bones turned back to her. "You started this," he said again.

"No," she refused. "You don't get to make this out like it's my fault. I walked away cause you had already left."

"Excuse me, Dr. Davis and Dr. McCoy," Henry said timidly from behind them, nearly flinching when their heated eyes turned to his direction. "The captain would like to see you both at the shuttle launch."

Bones didn't even look at her before he stalked away leaving Ellie to follow after.

"Ellie, you'll be acting chief medical officer until Bones returns with Dr. Wallace," Jim told her when she'd made it to him.

Ellie nodded before looking to the new science officer, seeing Bones' eyes were already glancing Carol over. She swallowed down the hurt that spread in her chest before turning on her heel and walking in the direction of the bridge.

"I'll let Dr. Wallace fill you in," Jim said before following after Ellie, knowing her well enough to see she was upset; her reaction to Bones' attraction to Carol all the proof Jim needed to know something had in fact happened between Bones and his cousin. "You wanna tell me what's wrong?" he asked giving her the choice to talk to him.

"What are they doing?" she asked choosing not to.

Jim sighed before answering; "Seeing what's really in those torpedoes."

"Did he say something?" she asked, grateful to have her mind on something other than Bones.

"He alluded to it," Jim told her, still no closer to understanding it all.

Ellie walked in step with him until they reached the bridge to which she stood behind him as he sat in his chair. She was playing through everything she knew about John Harrison and the torpedoes, missing most of the conversation between Jim, Carol and Bones as the two flew in a shuttle to a close planet.

"You know when I dreamed about being stuck on a deserted planet with a gorgeous woman there was no torpedo," Bones said after Carol had left the shuttle.

"You're not there to flirt, Bones," Jim told him rolling his eyes.

"So how can these legendary hands help you?" Bones called to Carol and both Jim and Ellie rolled their eyes.

She hated him, in that moment she hated Leonard McCoy; enough to wish him dead. "I'm going back to the medical wing," she said stepping away from the captain's chair.

"To do what?" Jim asked turning to her.

"Anything," she mumbled before stepping off the bridge, leaning against a wall after the door whizzed closed. She blinked the tears out of her eyes, cursing herself to behaving this way. She walked slowly down the hall trying to rid herself of her emotions, not understanding why he effected her this way.

All thoughts melted away when she passed the door concealing the glass cell, curiosity taking its place. She stood outside the door for a moment weighing the options, but the thought of Pike moved her feet forward and into the room.

John Harrison stood when he saw her, moving to stand as close to her as he could behind the glass; staring down at her as she stood before his prison on the other side.

"They're not just torpedoes are they?" she asked, thinking the answer to everything else lay in what was in them.

"You're very clever, Dr. Kirk," he said though he wasn't impressed in the slightest; even Jim Kirk knew they weren't merely weapons.

"My last name isn't Kirk," she said not liking that he knew she and Jim were related.

"Cousins then?"

She grit her teeth to keep from lashing out at him, knowing he wouldn't tell her anything if she did. She stood in front of him, not even an arms length away from him, thinking of what could possibly be in the torpedoes. "Are there people in them?" she asked, the most far fetched thing she had thought of. She had no idea why or how there were people in them, but the look on his face was all the proof she needed to know she was right.

He stared down at her surprised she had guessed that given the little amount of information she had; now he was impressed. "Very very clever."

Thoughts shot across her mind faster than she could hold on to them, trying to fit pieces of the puzzle together. "You put them there," she figured, trying to find a reason for it all.

He stared hard at her, watching the thoughts flickering behind her eyes. She was smarter than he'd given her credit for, he wondered if she would be more valuable than he'd first assumed.

"If you went to the trouble of hiding them in torpedoes you wouldn't want them dead," she said thinking aloud, too many thoughts bubbling to not voice the ones that made the most sense. Her mind was racing, trying to keep up with all that she now knew. "Admiral Marcus."

He was baffled by how she knew that. "Are you sure?" he asked mockingly.

"He sent us on the mission to kill you, giving us exactly 72 torpedoes to do it. Yes I'm sure," she said quietly.

He was amazed by how right she was in everything she was saying. She had guessed there were people in the torpedoes, had guessed he had put them there; but everything else she said was a piece falling into place, pieces he didn't know she had. Watching her as she thought, as she spoke aloud her thoughts, was simply arousing.

Knowing it was Admiral Marcus was behind it didn't answer everything, there were so many whys. "Why did you attack the meeting at Command and the section in London?"

He smiled at her, a predatory look on his already shark like face. "Can you not figure that out?" he asked, knowing she didn't have the knowledge to guess his true intentions.

Ellie stood thinking, stumped as to the reason. "London may have been planned but Marcus was in the meeting, he didn't organize that attack," she mused aloud. "He threatened you with them," she said looking at him questioningly.

"Did he?" he asked wanting to see if she could figure it out on her own. In her way of thinking he could see she was like Jim Kirk; she blindly assumed she was right but she had the knack for usually being correct.

"It would explain why you did what he said but not why you betrayed him."

"How do you know I did what he said?" he questioned her.

"He would have found a way to dispose of you if you wouldn't. And he used the people in the torpedoes to ensure you did," she said pleased at the surprise on his face, knowing she had gotten that right. "That doesn't explain why you attacked the meeting," she said, her moment of joy dead and gone.

"Why so interested in the meeting?"

"Why do you care so much for the 72 people in the torpedoes?" she asked instead of answering making him smile cruelly. "You wouldn't have gone against the person who had them unless he couldn't use them against you anymore," she said as that piece of the puzzle fell into place. "You thought they were disposed of."

He kept his face an emotionless mask, not giving her anything to use to find an answer.

"You must care about them," she said, figuring that much out without his expression.

"And how do you figure that?" he asked with just enough non-caring that she should have questioned herself; but she surprised him again.

"You surrendered for them," she answered.

"And that means I care?" he questioned.

"No," she said shaking her head, almost smiling by how much she now knew about him. "You did what Marcus said because he had them, you killed innocent people for them, when you thought he got rid of them you attacked him. But when you found out they were on board this ship you gave yourself up immediately. All of that is why I know you care about them. What I don't know is why."

He was caught between loathing and reverence for her for figuring that part out, something she could see in his dark gaze. He watched her closely, only separated from her by the glass and yet even if they weren't he didn't think he would kill her – at least not yet. She had proven she was intelligent, very much so, and nor would she bend to his will out of fear for him. He could see her hatred for him masked behind the fascination in her blue eyes. She was as intrigued by him as he was by her. "Would you not kill for him?"

She could feel his voice prickling down her spine, warning signs blaring in her mind of how dangerous he was. "Are they your family?" she asked, wondering if he was giving her something by comparing them to Jim.

The sound of the door opening kept him from answering. They both turned to see Jim followed by Spock entering the room. "What are you doing here?" Jim demanded when he saw her. "Go back to the medical wing," he said before she could answer, his skin crawling when he saw the way Harrison was looking at her.

She opened her mouth to tell him she what she had learned but he stopped her before she could say anything. "As your captain I am ordering you to return to the medical wing," he told her harshly. He didn't feel an ounce of guilt at the hurt on her face, not with Harrison looking at her like a starved animal would a slab of meat.

Ellie brushed past him out the door hearing when Jim demanded; "Why was there a frozen guy in the torpedo?"  
_So that's how they're in them,_ she thought as she returned to the medical wing. It wasn't until she saw Bones that she realized the moment she had locked eyes with John Harrison had been the last she had thought of Bones. Talking with Harrison had given her mind a moment of peace from the turmoil Bones caused her, and she couldn't for the life of her figure out what that meant.

* * *

_I'm not sure how I made Ellie seem in this chapter, so I wanted to clarify a few things. She is actually really smart, she's a year or two ahead of where she should have been in terms of schooling. However, everything she figured out here she did through guessing; she guessed there were people in the torpedoes, cause that was the craziest thing she could think of. But when she got that answer is when all the other small pieces were able to come together; so I guess I'm saying she couldn't have figured anything out without having guessed and seen the answer on his face. I didn't want her to seem unbelievably smart; although Jim is supposed to be genius level.  
Also I'll say this now, her and John Harrison won't be romantic. He's super intrigued by her, and she's fascinated by him cause she knows he's different; but it's not romantic.  
_


	20. like the sun holds the moon

"Have you found anything?" she asked Bones when she saw the vial he'd taken from John Harrison. She resisted the urge to punch Bones in the face when he refused to acknowledge her; without the mystery of John Harrison to distract her from her feelings they were beginning to overwhelm her again. She set about doing her own research, drawing anything she remembered learning to mind that might explain everything about John Harrison; she had many ideas and theories but nothing she could wholly prove, at least not without seeing his face when she asked.

Not long after Carol Wallace came in. "Did you find anything?" she asked Bones.

"Yeah, his cells are regenerating under the scope," he answers looking up at Carol.

Ellie, who had been searching through a series of medical files from years ago on her padd, stilled when she heard him answer. She was surprised at how non-angry she was, she figured she would take her padd and throw it at him – some action that would have stayed true to who she was – but she didn't, all she felt was hurt.

"How fascinating, may I look?" Carol asked and Bones nodding moving aside, enjoying the lilt of her accent.

Bones looked over his shoulder when he heard Ellie move and saw her getting a piece of paper. He strained his eyes to see what she was writing but could only make out the top of it; Regenerative Cells; it said and she had other words written smaller beneath it, her brows furrowed as she sat lost in thought. He had seen her like this a few times before, when she'd had a hard case she was trying to find an answer for. It had always amazed him to sit and watch as she pulled different ideas from her head, wondering how she remembered it all.

"This is amazing," Carol said looking over at Bones, not missing the moment of hesitation as Bones took his eyes from Dr. Davis.

"Yeah it is," he agreed looking at her openly nice, pretty face. There wasn't a single similarity between her and Ellie, it was entirely unfair to compare them and yet that was what he was doing. Carol was the better woman and yet it was Ellie he favored; he looked over his shoulder at her again to see her still lost in thought.

Ellie stared down at the piece of paper seeing the different species she could think of for John Harrison based on his regenerative cells. He was obviously something close to human; his appearance, his red blood, his organs. Everything she could deduce led her to believe he was human, but if Bones was right and his cells regenerating at a fast rate, on top of his strength and speed, he wasn't human.

_How can you be human and not human at the same time?_ she wondered. She scratched out many things, having gone through the possibilities and found them incorrect. All she had left after she had finished was human. But maybe that was the answer; maybe he was and wasn't human.

Bones had been watching her closely, knowing she was onto something – not knowing what, but knowing Ellie enough to know she thought whatever it was was important.

"I can leave you two alone if you want," Carol said seeing him intently watching Dr. Davis.

"Shh," Bones sounded. "She's thinking," he explained when he saw her questioning face.

Carol looked at him disbelieving. "Do you always tiptoe around her when she's thinking?"

"When she thinks like this, yeah," he told her quietly. Carol looked at him waiting for more and he sighed. "You'd be amazed by how much she can figure out if you leave her to her thoughts. And right now that concentration is on Harrison."

Carol nodded before looking over at the woman, seeing from the rigid way she sat tapping on the end of her pen that she was thinking something over. "You can hardly take your eyes off her, you like this about her," she whispered to Bones.

"What?" he asked turning to Carol in mild outrage. But before she could answer Bones' communicator beeped.

Even if he had whipped it out and answered it as fast as he could it wouldn't have brought the thought back to Ellie. She had just reached the idea of what John Harrison was, but before she could wrap her mind around the word that would answer everything she lost it. She sighed when she looked back at the paper hoping to figure out what she had just been thinking about, but it was gone for the moment.

"The Captain is having the prisoner moved to sickbay," Spock said before Bones even said hello.

"Why?" Bones asked not wanting him out of his cell.

"We are being approached by a ship, Doctor," Spock answered simply. "The captain has also requested you keep Elenore away from him. He did not approve of her speaking with him earlier."

Bones heard the sound of Spock closing his communicator, ending the call abruptly. "You talked to him?" he demanded of Ellie.

"To who?" she asked not knowing who he was talking about, on the defense from Bones' angry eyes.

"Harrison," he yelled outraged. "My god woman are you an idiot."

"Well I found out more than you," she said raising her voice to match his, her anger now building.

"Oh yeah, and what'd you find out?" he questioned rudely.

"I found out there were frozen people in the torpedoes before you did," she answered crossly. "And that he put them there. And that Marcus was behind it all."

"What?" Bones and Carol asked simultaneously.

"He gave us the torpedoes and sent us on a mission to kill someone without trial, it's pretty obvious he was behind it all" she said.

"How did you figure that out?" Carol asked softly, shock splayed on her face.

"Because she's smart," a deep voice answer and they all turned to see Harrison in restraints being led by many guards into the sickbay. "If anyone had actually thought it through you might have figured it out. As it is Dr. Davis," Harrison said turning hungry eyes to her form, "you are the only one who discovered it yourself. Your cousin only knows because I told him."

"Jim knows?" she asked, warning lights blaring in her brain as he looked at her, her spine chilling beneath his gaze.

"He knows a lot more than you," he told her knowing she didn't know who or what he was. "But can you figure it all out?" he challenged.

"I already had," she mumbled looking toward her paper, trying to bring back her lost thought; it driving her mad that she'd been so close to knowing it.

"Sit him there," Bones said pointing to a cot. "Out," he told Ellie harshly, unhappy with how familiar the two spoke with one another.

Ellie looked over at him surprised. "No."

"Captain's orders," he said grabbing her arm and pulling on her.

She shook him off her. "Then go tell on me," she said blandly, staring hard at him.

Bones glared down at her, not wanting her near the man anymore than Jim did, before rolling his eyes and moving away. He was under the impression that she wouldn't get hurt because he was there, but if he knew who John Harrison really was he would have locked her away so the man couldn't reach her. As it was he stood away from her, his blood boiling as he watched her watching Harrison – the intrigue plain in her eyes as she stared at his menacing face.

* * *

_So this chapter was basically to show how Ellie thinks about things, and it hints that she might have a eidetic memory. But the way she gets when she thinks, like her extreme concentration and the process of her thoughts is why Harrison likes her so much - and it also sets her apart from other people which is important for why Harrison would have any interest in her at all. Next chapter will have a lot of her and Harrison talking, which she figures out who and what he is. As well as lots of jealous Bones. _


	21. and we will hear those planes overhead

_Lola: thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it._

* * *

Ellie stared hard at Harrison, looking for any indication on his face or in his eyes that explained who he was. She'd been so close, she'd had it. Now she had nothing, nothing but a strange and evil man staring intently at her.

"Think out loud, Dr. Davis," Harrison told her, wanting to hear the thoughts blazing in her mind.

Bones didn't like the way Harrison was looking at her, his dark eyes glued to her face. Bones felt rage boil in his blood when the man spoke to her, but his anger froze when Ellie responded.

"It has something to do with your crew in the torpedoes," she answered.

"Does it now?" he asked amused, thinking she wouldn't arrive at the answer on that train of thought.

"Yeah," she said quietly as she thought.

Bones kept his eyes on Harrison, watching as the man beheld Ellie as though she were a prize he'd won. Bones knew Harrison couldn't hurt her, that he couldn't get his hands on her with so many guards around and drugs to put him down; and yet Bones was on edge, thinking if given the chance to flee Harrison would take her with him.

While Bones watched Harrison, Harrison watched Ellie. Her eyes were downcast, her chin resting on one of her hands. _Such a small hand_, he thought as he looked at her. He could break every bone in her hand with only one of his. _How very fragile you are._ "What are you thinking Dr. Davis?"

She looked up at him, having thought over the possibilities of the idea she had. "You were frozen too." She would have missed the barely imperceptible upturn of the corners of his mouth if she had not been looking at him so severely; as it was, she saw it and knew she was right. "Admiral Marcus woke you," she told him. "Specifically."

"Why?" Bones asked having no idea how she was figuring all of this out.

"He wanted the best," she said looking at Bones, so enraptured in finding the answers that she missed Bones was talking to her again.

"For what?" Carol asked softly.

Ellie opened her mouth but second guessed herself at the last moment and she closed her mouth and sighed. "He sent us to the edge of neutral territory with 72 torpedoes so we could kill a man who hasn't been condemned to death in a trial. But our warp cores are disabled and engineering can't figure out why, and now we're stranded on the edge of neutral territory with torpedoes that have cryogenically frozen people in them that no one knew about," she said in one breath. "That's all very convenient," she finished and looked back to Harrison to see a pleased look on his face.

"That's all well and good but that doesn't explain why he had frozen people in the first place," Bones told her.

Ellie looked up at him from where she sat, bafflement in her eyes. "Well," she said looking at him uncertain, "they would have to be something no one would miss."

Bones raised a brow at her. "You think Starfleet put 72 people to sleep and no one questioned it?"

Ellie blinked as different thoughts began raging, images of news articles she had been shown in a classroom flashed, then a lecture from her teacher of a terrible time for Earth in the 20th century. "They would have been our enemy," she said.

"How can you possibly know that?" Bones demanded not seeing the connections she did.

"Think about it," she said turning to him fully, excitement on her face cause she had figured it all out. "You're being terrorized by someone and then suddenly they're gone. You'd question it but would you really care, you're safe again?"

Bones looked down at her confused, having never been able to follow along on her thought processes. "You're gonna have to explain it."

Ellie sighed unhappily. "Can you think of any time in Earth's history when we were at war with a group of humans similar to Harrison?" she asked him. "A time that had no answer for what happened to those humans?"

Bones stared down at her thinking; remembering what he had come up with when he'd examined the cryogenic pod he and Carol had found in the torpedo. "The guy in torpedo was 300 years old," he told her. "My guess is he is too," he said pointing to Harrison. "You're classifying that as human?" he asked, having wondered himself what exactly Harrison and his crew were.

Ellie smiled when he said they were 300 years old, now knowing for certain she was right. "Genetically enhanced superhumans," she told him, pleased with herself she had found the answer she'd lost.

"Augments," Bones said finally understanding what Ellie was telling him. "How the hell did you figure all that out?"

"The people in the torpedoes," she said simply.

Bones stared down at her astounded before shaking his head and taking it; a thought crossing his mind about Harrison's regenerative cells.

Ellie turned back to Harrison to see pleasure etched on his face, his mouth turned up in a half smile that chilled her to the bone.

Bones turned to Ellie to see her staring at Harrison, her eyes widened as she stood immobile; his eyes boring into hers.

"Go on, Dr. Davis," he said, his voice low and seductive. "Say my name."

Ellie opened her mouth almost obediently, his name on the tip of her tongue when Bones slammed his hand on the table. She turned to him, finding that she was now catching her breath, and he could see a hint of fear in her eyes.

It was in that moment that Jim broadcasted what the Captain of the ship that hailed them was saying. If there was any doubt that Admiral Marcus was behind everything it was cast aside as his voice was broadcast through the Enterprise as he threatened their lives for Khan to be turned over.

Ellie was surprised when she heard Jim say Khan was in engineering, that Jim had lied to him keep on board; Jim knew Harrison was Khan, therefore he knew the evil he had just lied to protect.

Khan was not the least bit surprised Marcus had come himself, nor was he surprised Kirk had lied about where he was being kept; Kirk was smart enough to know Marcus wouldn't just let them all go, not when they knew so much. He felt the small jolt of the Enterprise going into warp and his eyes fell on Dr. Davis.

His eyes raked over Ellie's form. _So lovely_, he thought, _and so weak. Such an interesting mind._ "Your mind is a beautiful thing, Dr. Davis," he told her. She had turned away from him but there was hatred in her eyes when she looked back at him. "How much knowledge do you possess; things you've learned, you've heard?"

Her anger slowly began to fade as unsettlement surrounded her, she didn't like the way he was looking at her.

"How many of Starfleet's darkest secrets could you unravel if given only a small push? You unraveled this one in less than day." His eyes were darker, heavier as they sat fixed on her; she was afraid. "How valuable you would be," he said so softly she didn't hear, though she read it on his lips.

"I thought I said I didn't want you near him," Jim hissed in her ear when he reached the sickbay.

"I'll go," she said and rushed out of the room without looking at him. Bones looked up as she moved past, he would have gone after her if he wasn't focused on the dead tribble he was injecting Khan's blood into; instead he let her go.

She clasped her hands together trying to make them stop shaking, hearing his deep voice whispering in her ear. _"How valuable you would be." _She knew what he meant, she knew what he wanted from her. Her brain was a fountain of everything she had ever learned, through books or what she'd heard, given the right bit of information and she could piece together all sorts of things. He was a madman, a murderer; he would use her well of knowledge until it ran dry and then he would dispose of her.

"I don't want you back in there," Jim told her after he finished talking to Khan, startling her out of her morbid thoughts. "I mean it," he said as he walked back toward the bridge.

Ellie watched him leave, berating herself for not listening to him earlier; all of this would have been avoided if she had just stayed away. "Excuse me," Carol said a few minutes later as she burst from the room and ran down the hall.

It was not even two minutes later that the ship jolted, falling out of warp when Marcus opened fire on the Enterprise.

* * *

_So I'm not sure how it read, but that conversation in the beginning before Jim broadcasted what Marcus was saying was long. However in reality it only spanned maybe two or three minutes at the most. I tried to make Harrison (who's name is really Khan) seem really sinister in his way of looking at Ellie, and in speaking to her. Cause he was really great in the movie but again, I have no idea how that reads. Although I think it's safe to say that it's obvious he does not have good intentions, especially not with Ellie. _


	22. and we won't have to be scared

_Lola: thank you very much, it's a relief to hear you thought so. _

* * *

Ellie held onto the wall as the Enterprise was hit, trying to keep her feet. She didn't know why Admiral Marcus had stopped firing at them, she had a hunch about Carol, but she figured it wasn't over. She went about righting what she could, strapping it down so it wouldn't fall again, and helping up those who had been thrown around the most.

She heard the door to the sickbay whiz open and she turned to see Bones. "How is everything in here?" he asked looking her over briefly.

"I think we're all fine here, nothing too severe at least," she answered as she stooped to pick up the supplies that had fallen out of one of the cabinets.

Bones looked down at her, appraising the way the skirt of her dress hung from her hips before he sighed at himself. "Are you fine?" he asked pulling her to her feet and back into the sickbay.

"Jim doesn't want me in here," she told him quietly, not looking at Khan.

"Yeah well, I'd rather have you where I can see you," he told her just as quietly.

Ellie sighed before agreeing, not willing to admit she'd rather be with him too; it was not lost on her that it had taken a threat for her and Bones to get along again, at least until the threat passed. "What happened, I thought we were in warp?" she asked as she went about picking up the things that had fallen in the sickbay.

"We were," Bones said turning to her to see her bending over retrieving some papers; it took him a moment before he could take his eyes from her hips. It was not lost on him that most of the men in the room, Khan included, had their eyes trained on her as well.

"What, did he catch up?" she asked disbelievingly as she stood, a pile of papers in her hands, oblivious to the fact that nearly everyone had been staring at her ass.

"Give me those," Bones said gruffly, snatching the papers from her. "Don't bend down again," he whispered irritably leaving her standing there confused. "And yes," he said putting the papers in a drawer, "it appears he caught up."

Ellie stared at Bones a moment in shock, thinking of all the ways that was horrible. "You built it, didn't you?" she demanded turning to Khan who did nothing more than look at her amusedly. "Great," she said turning to Bones. "That's just great. The evil guy built a warship for the bad guy who wants us all dead. What could possibly go wrong?"

Bones watched horror bloom on Ellie's face as she paled and he knew exactly what she was thinking, which was why he was able to catch her when she threw herself toward the door.

There was only one thought storming through her mind; Jim. She knew him, she knew him better than he knew himself at times. And so she knew without a doubt that Jim would sacrifice himself for them all, and that horrified panic made it very difficult for Bones to hold on to her as she struggled to get away.

"No," Bones said loudly in her ear, holding her tighter as she tried to get away. He knew Jim well enough to guess he'd do the same thing but he also knew there was nothing he could do to stop him; but Ellie could keep safe.

"Let me go, Bones," she yelled as she tried to push him off of her,

"No, it's too dangerous you're staying here," he said struggling to keep a hold of her.

"You've barely been talking to me for three years, why the hell do you care?" she demanded still trying to jerk herself out of his firm grasp.

"Because you're supposed to die," he yelled, his voice dying away not even a second after her spoke.

She looked up at him shocked, her heart pounding in her chest. "What?" she asked, waiting for him to tell her he hadn't meant what he'd said. But looking at his somber face as he stared down at her she knew she heard right. "That's what he told Jim," she said, remembering Jim's reaction when the Spock from the future had beamed him and Scotty on board – though he hadn't told her this. "I'm gonna die?"

"Ellie," he said trying to get her to listen, it had been a moment of exasperation – he'd never meant to tell her.

"So that's why Jim keeps hugging me and telling me he loves me," she said knowing her cousin's behavior had been odd. "And you," she said turning to him with accusation in her eyes.

"Ellie," he said trying to grab her but he was stilled by her hand sharp across his cheek.

"You've been treating me like shit," she said nearly screaming. "But what does it matter how I feel, I'm gonna die?" Her last word rang in the air and he looked at her, seeing she was trying to blink away tears. "You son of bitch," she muttered before stepping away from him. She would have left the sickbay, would have left Bones and never have forgiven him; but Admiral Marcus had beamed his daughter aboard his ship and opened fire on the Enterprise once more.

Khan had watched their struggle with mild amusement and irritation; pettiness had always been a trait he'd loathed of ordinary humans and he was almost saddened to see it in Dr. Davis. But he never would have guessed from where it spawned. He couldn't imagine her dying, she knew too much to have her meaningless life cut short; he could give her life meaning, he could keep her alive until she was of no use. He had begun pondering an idea when the Enterprise was bombarded with another attack.

Bones had grabbed Ellie and held her against the wall, flattening himself over her until the ship stopped shaking. They had both been thinking that they would die, and so they were surprised when the Enterprise settled – Admiral Marcus no longer firing at them. It left them face to face, not an inch between their bodies, painfully aware of what Bones had told her.

"You've known I was supposed to die," she said softly. "That's why you walked away."

He wanted to tell her no, but that wasn't the truth; he had been afraid of what was happening between them, and then he was afraid of letting whatever feelings they had grow only to lose her.

"So why the hell do you still care?" she asked. She was numb to emotion, but she could feel Bones crushed against her and she could see the regret in his eyes.

Bones opened his mouth to answer only to not say anything at all. The answer was simple, he was seeing that now. One word, four letters – it explained everything. But he couldn't say it, not to her or himself. And so he took a step back to release her, waiting for her to walk away; but she stayed. She stood staring up at him waiting, as though she knew.

The truth was she didn't, she had no idea. Nor did she know why she couldn't let him go – she hadn't gotten to that word yet, but she was getting close.

They were torn away from each other when the door whizzed open, Jim walking through with a plan set in his mind. He was not at all surprised to see Ellie in the sickbay with Khan again, she had never been one for rules – something she blamed him for – but he was surprised to see her face to face with Bones, now knowing for certain something had happened between them.

Ellie hardly listened as Jim convinced Khan to go aboard the Vengeance, instead she stared at him wondering how he had known she would die for three years and not said anything. It wasn't until Khan's restraints were removed that she thought of something.

"Why isn't Admiral Marcus firing at us?"

Jim turned to her. "Scotty," he answered simply.

Ellie let out a half laugh as she shook her head. She looked up at Jim when he moved to stand before her. "I would really like you to bring him back," she said softly.

"I know," he said taking her face in his hands; knowing she was about to say if there was choice on who'd come back she wouldn't chose Scotty over him. "I love you," he said seriously, staring hard into her eyes knowing he very well might not come back; he didn't trust that he and Khan would succeed or that Khan would let him go alive, but he would save everyone on the Enterprise.

"I love you too," she said so softly it didn't make a sound. She tilted her chin up when he leaned down to kiss her full on the mouth and then she blinked away the tears in her eyes when he was gone.

Khan watched her face closely the entire time, seeing her unadulterated love for her cousin – realizing he was all she had. It touched him for a moment, until Jim kissed her, and then he wondered how exactly that would feel if he were to do it. He followed after Jim nearly smiling as Kirk gave him exactly what he wanted.

Ellie stood where Jim had left her, feeling the knot of tears rising in her throat.

"We have people coming in," Bones said softly, placing his hand on her shoulder. "It'll keep you busy," he told her, knowing that was exactly what she needed.

Ellie nodded before moving toward the door, seeing a person with a head injury being helped in. There was nothing that needed surgery, a few stitches, a few bones set, but nothing more; at least not yet. It was a good twenty minutes before Ellie looked up to see Jim holding Carol with Scotty as they carried her into the medical wing.

"Bones," Jim called, Carol moaning at the pain from her broken leg.

"Nurse," Bones called for Carol before he turned back to his patient.

"Hey," Scotty said when he saw Ellie and she gave him a small smile.

"Come on," Jim said to Scotty. "I love you," he told Ellie before kissing her again, and then they both rushed off.

Ellie moved to a new patient, one complaining of pain in her stomach, when she felt it; a strange tingling buzzing beneath her skin. "Bones," she called knowing exactly what was happening.

"I'll be with you in a minute," he told her as he gently ran his hand down Carol's leg, hearing her hiss when he reached her knee.

"Bones!"

He whipped around at the sound of Ellie's scream to see her staring down at herself in horror. There was terror in her eyes when she looked up at him, the closer he got to her the more he could see she was shaking. He stood as close to her as he could without touching her, watching as she disintegrated into particles before his eyes. Khan was beaming her to his ship.


	23. cause we won't have to be scared

_So this chapter spans maybe five minutes, but there are lots of thoughts from different characters. I just wanted to say that it may read as long but when someone is thinking it's really only taking seconds. I'm never sure how well things read, especially if it's in such a short amount of time. So I just wanted to clarify and let you all know. Thank you all very much for reading and I hope you enjoy. _

* * *

"Bones," she whimpered terrified staring up at him.

He couldn't think of anything, there was nothing he could do to stop this. He couldn't touch her without their particles mixing and that may be more dangerous than Khan having her. He could do nothing but look down into her scared eyes realizing no amount of distance he could've taken from her would have ever made him ready to lose her. He wasn't ready to say it, he needed years before he could. He only had seconds.

"I love you," he said with a desperate prayer that admitting that might be enough to keep her there. The skin on his hands buzzed when he reached for her, holding her arms tight and feeling her smaller hands ball his shirt in her fists. As quick as the tingling started when he touched her, it disappeared when she did. Saying it hadn't been enough to save her.

…

Spock stood on the bridge as acting Captain waiting for one of two things: Khan to start shooting or the torpedoes Khan had beamed aboard his ship to explode. Spock watched confused as the mass of energy molecules materialized into a person next to Khan. The only time such horror had taken hold of him had been when his mother died, now he was staring at his Captain's cousin as she stared around herself horrified.

_You are mine_, Khan thought when he saw her appear. He treasured every ounce of her fear when she looked at him, her eyes stark blue against terror.

He didn't have to utter a word for her to know what he was thinking, and though she would have screamed and fought him it would not have surprised her if he pushed her to the ground and climbed on top of her; not with the way his eyes were boring into her, his mouth turned up in a half smile that made her blood run cold.

She turned to the screen to see Spock staring at her in an almost mirrored horror. She knew it would happen before it did, but that did nothing to prepare her for the way the Vengeance jolted when the torpedoes exploded; and that was the last the Enterprise saw of Dr. Elenore Davis before they began spiraling to Earth.

She let out a small scream before her body crashed onto the floor of the bridge.

"No!" she heard Khan bellow in agony over his crew. His wild eyes turned to her and he watched her as she backed away from him, her body so small on the floor. He kept his balance when the ship began spinning and he advanced; _how weak you are_, he thought as she tried to pull herself along the floor away from him, _how worthless._ In the face of his crew being destroyed he saw Ellie for what she was – nothing.

She didn't know what she was trying to crawl towards, the destination not important, but it did nothing when the ship turned on its side and she began sliding toward him. An inch closer was all he needed before he launched himself at her and wrapped his hand around her throat.

She kicked her feet useless, he held her inches above the ground so tight around her neck she couldn't make a sound; no choked gasped, no little squeaks as she tried to breathe. He didn't seem to notice her nails digging into the flesh of his arm, he wasn't effected much from the moving of the ship.

Her struggles were nothing to him and they were growing weaker by the second; she was too smart to not have known Spock had armed the torpedoes, she may have even done it herself. He would watch every second it took before the light left her eyes. It wasn't until his eyes fell to the Starfleet Insignia above her left breast that he remembered who he was really trying to destroy.

Ellie collapsed when Khan released her, curling herself into a ball as she tried to breathe again. She knew it was good that she was coughing, that it meant air was able to pass from her windpipe, but it was breathing in she was having trouble with. It didn't help that the ship was plummeting to earth and spinning out of control, leaving her to cling to a railing as Khan typed something into the navigator.

All she could think of as she tried to hold on was what Bones had said before she'd disappeared. She almost thought she'd imagined it but having looked up at his face to see his fear she knew she hadn't. He'd been right there, he had been holding her and then she was gone. Which is what he had been afraid of for three years, and then she was left clinging to the railing wondering if this was how she'd die. She wasn't ready; she hadn't said goodbye Jim, she knew it'd kill him, or Bones or Scotty or even Spock. She just wasn't ready.

The ship lurched and she lost her grip, sending her headfirst toward where Khan stood at navigation. She didn't care he'd tried to kill her, she didn't care that he'd killed millions. She grabbed him to keep herself from falling, hanging onto his legs as the ship kept hopelessly spinning.

Khan looked down when he felt her wrap her arms around his ankles. Her head was buried in her arms against his legs and her body curled around him, a thin scar on her upper thigh visible; he noticed all of this in half a second. She was so small, so breakable. His crew was dead and she was all he had – a worthlessly ordinary human.

Her strength was nothing compared to his, especially not when her body was quivering. He easily pulled her off him and threw her in the Captain's chair, pushing the button for the seatbelt so she was held securely. And then he turned away completely forgetting about her.

She sat in the chair watching through the window as they fell closer to earth, seeing Khan holding on to the navigation table as he typed in a destination.

"Set Destination: Starfleet Headquarters!" he ordered.

Ellie looked around for anything that might save her, knowing she wouldn't survive the crash, not even strapped down in the captain's chair; the jolt of the crash would send her forward so hard the bones in her chest would break and she would suffocate from her punctured lungs. But there was nothing, no way for her to survive.

All of this crossed her panicked mind faster than it took for the ship's computers could tell Khan they might not make its target.

She watched as the ship came closer to the San Francisco Bay, bringing her legs up and covering her head with her arms, trying to protect herself as much as she could. A warmth surrounded her seconds before the ship hit, holding her body in the chair so she wouldn't be thrown forward. Khan took the brunt of the hit, his body being thrown forward into the navigation table; but Ellie was fine if only a little winded.

Khan pulled himself up and turned to her, watching as she slowly lowered her legs to the floor staring up at him warily – noticing him for the first time. She didn't have time to react before he undid the seatbelt and pulled her to his chest.

She stared up at him no longer knowing what he'd do, his eyes guarded except for anguish. It was seeing the understanding in her eyes that keep him from killing her then; and she did understand, she couldn't image how broken she would be if she thought Jim were dead – unknown to her, Jim was dead. "They're not," she started but fell silent when she felt his hand cupping the back of her head, thinking he would wrap it around her neck again.

He didn't know what she was talking about, he didn't even think about it. All he was thinking about was that she was alive and they weren't, and now she was standing in the way of his revenge. He released her waist, moving the hand on the back of her head to her cheek. He waited until she understood, which only took a few seconds, before he slammed her head on the navigation system.

He lowered her limp body to the floor, her head fallen over the arm that was around her back. He stared at her face, his eyes roaming over the indent in her skull beneath her hair. _She isn't weak_, he thought remembering how she had figured it all out and the pleased look on her face when she had, s_he was fragile, delicate. _

Her lips were soft beneath his, they were tantalizing. He released her after only a second, not caring enough to bring her with him. He let her fall to the ground as he stood and made his way to the opening that had been torn into the ship, dropping the hundred feet to the ground without a second thought back to the woman he had just left wounded.

* * *

_Lola: That's something Spock doesn't know, he has no idea if he's changed her death. Because her death happened years before the Romulus incident he has no way of knowing if there's any hope he changed her fate. Which is what he told Jim; there may be hope and there may not be, so make sure to love her just in case. But that's also what Bones is missing, there's a chance she may not die; but the fact that there's a bigger chance she will die makes him afraid. At least that's how I'm looking at it all. I'm honestly still deciding on her death, but I do have an idea forming._


	24. cause you're coming for me

_Guest: thank you very much for reviewing, it means a lot to me. I'm really glad you like her and Bones together, he's a hard character to do let alone have him in love._

_Lola: thank you so much, your review really meant a lot to me. I've only been writing for a year so I'm not too confident yet. So thank you again._

* * *

Fear, hope, desperation, shock, pain, anger, loss. In a span of less than ten minutes Scotty had felt all of those emotions. Khan attacked them aiming to destroy the Enterprise, the Enterprise was already too damaged and they began plummeting to Earth, Kirk had knocked him unconscious to fix the ship's core, he had woken to Jim lying by the door dying from radiation poisoning, and then Jim had died.

Scotty looked down at Captain James T Kirk lying dead in a body bag on a table.  
Bones couldn't look at his friend for more than a few seconds before it all became too much; the cousins stuck together, even in death.

Hope.

The dead tribble Bones had injected Khan's blood into began purring, Khan's cell were regenerative enough to replace the tribble's dead cells.

Scotty was relieved, enough that he almost needed to take a seat. He looked around still not seeing Ellie, thinking she would have heard and come running. "McCoy," he said calling the doctor's attention after he finished telling Sulu Spock needed to keep Khan alive.

"Give me a minute," he told him. "Put him in one of the tubes, we need to preserve his brain function," he ordered one of the nurses.

"McCoy," Scotty called again knowing something was wrong.

"What Scotty?" Bones yelled exasperated.

"Where's Ellie?" he demanded, having no patience of his own. Ellie would have been there, Scotty knew that. The look of anguish that crossed Bones' face was all Scotty needed to know that something had happened to her. "Where is she?" he nearly yelled when Bones didn't answer.

Bones could hardly look at Scotty, not when he remembered how terrified she had been; especially not when he remembered the last thing he'd said to her. But Scotty was staring hard at him waiting for an answer. "He took her," was all he could manage to say.

It was enough for Scotty to know what had happened and it sent him running. "Chekov," he yelled.

"Yes sir," the young russian answered.

"Beam me to the Vengeance," he ordered before moving toward a pad.

"Are you sure sir, it is most likely unstable from the crash," Chekov said not understanding.

"Can you do it?" Scotty demanded.

Chekov nodded. "Yes sir."

"Good. Beam me to the Vengeance then wait for me to call you, and beam me and Ellie back," Scotty told him impatiently, knowing Ellie couldn't have survived the crash but still hoping all the same.

"Doctor Davis is on the Vengeance?" Chekov asked confused as he went about the process of getting Scotty ready to beam.

Scotty could hardly believe it, Jim had said the man had taken an interest in her but he hadn't thought like this. "Yeah," Scotty answered quietly, wondering in what state he would find her.

"Shit," Scotty mumbled as he grabbed on to the side of the Vengeance, Chekov having beamed him onto the bridge where the front had been destroyed. He stared at the hundred foot drop to the ground breathing heavily, having thought for a moment he'd fall.

He took a deep breath before pulling himself along the wall further onto the bridge. "Ellie," he called not expecting an answer, nor was he given one. He was diagonal to the end of the navigation panel when he saw a pair of boots, smaller than a man's. "Ellie," he called rushing toward them, seeing the legs that went with them.

He knelt beside her and gently lifted her into his arms. Tears filled his eyes and he let out a small laugh when he felt her pulse, not understanding why she was alive but utterly relieved she was. He held her around her back and smoothed the hair out of her face, noticing the indent on the side of her head beneath her hair.

"Are you ready sir?" Chekov asked when he answered Scotty's call.

"Yeah, alert medical that she has a head injury," he said having heard Ellie say those exact words before. He had an arm around her back and the other underneath her knees as he stood. It was a matter of seconds before he was looking at Chekov again.

…

Bones had busied himself with worrying about Jim, not allowing Ellie to enter his thoughts at all until Jim was in the tube and all there was for him to do was look after those who had been hurt as the Enterprise spiralled to Earth, but that didn't do anything to take his mind off her. He didn't know what happened to her, if Khan killed her or the crash did; a thought that left him wanting to rip his hair out.

"Dr. McCoy," Henry Wyatt said having received Chekov's call.

"What?" Bones asked turning to him.

"Engineer Scott has returned with Dr. Davis," he told Bones. "She has a head injury."

"Is that it?" he asked knowing it couldn't possibly be, not with the way the Vengeance went down.

"That's all he told Ensign Chekov," Henry told him.

Not even a minute later Scotty entered the medical wing. "You should let me scan her," a nurse said walking briskly at his side.

"McCoy," Scotty called when he saw him. "Would you, I just. Back off!" he told the nurse as he walked toward Bones.

"How is she?" he asked directing Scotty to a table to put her on.

"She's alive," Scotty told him, still awed that she had survived the crash. "But there's an indent on the side of her head like she hit it."

The nurse began scanning Ellie immediately after Scotty put her on the table, standing on her left side.

"Where?" Bones asked staring down at her, wanting nothing more than to kiss her but he couldn't – she wasn't his to kiss, he'd nearly forgotten in the face of everything. She wasn't his to love, she was Scotty's.

"Here," Scotty said moving her hair aside, not oblivious to how Bones was staring at her; knowing he cared for her, maybe even loved her.

"It's a depressed scull fracture," Bones said before grabbing the scanner out of the nurse's hand and scanning the right side of Ellie's head.

"Is that bad?" Scotty asked not knowing what that meant.

"It's not good," Bones said as he continued to scan her, not getting a clear image.

"What is that on her neck?"

Bones looked toward the voice to see Carol who was laying on the bed beside Ellie's. He looked back down to Ellie's neck and pulled the black collar of her dress down to see the bruised hand print circling her throat. He could barely form any words as he stared at her bruised skin, horrified that Khan had strangled her. Though the thought that struck him the most was why Khan had let her live if he'd tried to kill her. _I was right there_, he thought. _I was standing right in front of her._

"There are bruises on her arm as well," the nurse before turning Ellie's arm to show the fingerprints on the back of it.

Bones took a breath before he continued scanning her, blinking away the threat of tears at just how much he'd failed her; thinking if he hadn't been such a coward and distanced himself from her she would have never let Khan get so close.

"It's a comminuted skull fracture," he said when he saw the bone fragments depressing into her cranial cavity.

"What does that mean?" Scotty asked knowing it wasn't good.

"She's gonna need surgery," Bones said before motioning toward Henry.

"McCoy," Scotty said trying to get his attention.

"Dr. McCoy," a nurse called loudly making them all turn to her. "Mr. Spock has Khan and they're being beamed aboard the ship."

"Okay," he said before turning back to Ellie not wanting to leave her in anyone else's hands, and thinking the same for Jim.

"I can beam her to a hospital," Scotty told him.

Bones looked up at him weighing the options, she needed surgery and Jim needed Khan's blood, and they both needed it now. "Dr. Wyatt's going too."

"I am?" Henry asked startled.

"You stay with her," Bones said pointing a finger at the younger man. "You go in her surgery I don't care if you have to fight your way in. You stay with her and you keep her alive. Do you understand me?" he demanded.

"Yes sir," Henry said quickly before moving to her side.

Bones looked like he was gonna deck the kid for no reason and so Scotty placed a hand on his shoulder. "Hey," he said and Bones turned to him with heated eyes. "I love her too." The anger left Bones' eyes and he looked down at Ellie for a moment before walking toward where Jim was.

"I got her," Scotty said before lifting her into his arms again and making his way to engineering, passing Spock on the way. "I can get you outside of it but you'll have to carry her in."

Henry stepped onto a pad and then took Ellie from Scotty's arms.

"Keep her alive," Scotty said nearly begging before moving to the control system. And for the second time that day Ellie was beamed off of the Enterprise.


	25. give me love like her

Bones split his time between Jim and Ellie over the next following days, though he spent much of it with Jim as he gave his friend a complete transfusion of Khan's blood. On the second day after they had returned to Earth Bones had gone running to Ellie's room when Scotty called to tell him she was awake, and he found her sitting up in the bed smiling at something Scotty was telling her.

"Hey," he said when she noticed him, walking to stand on the other side of her.

She looked up at him with bleary eyes. "Hey," she said softly.

He didn't know what to say to her, not with Scotty there. He didn't know what all she remembered, didn't know what all had happened to her. "How's your head?" he asked leaning over her to check under her bandage. There was a stitched line along the side of her head from where she'd had surgery, and Dr. Wyatt had made sure to insist they leave her hair.

"It's fine," she told him in a hoarse whisper, her throat raw and sore from where Khan's hand had squeezed her windpipe.

"Good," he said before stepping back.

Scotty sat in the chair beside Ellie's bed watching as the two stared at one another without speaking. "Well, I'll go sit with the captain," Scotty said awkwardly as he stood.

"Where's Jim?" Ellie asked looking to Scotty.

"You haven't told her yet?" Bones mouthed angrily to Scotty who could do more than shrug guiltily.

Scotty bent down and kissed Ellie's cheek before leaving for Jim's room, and Bones was left with Ellie looking at him expectantly and alarmed.

"Bones?" she asked softly, not caring her head hurt or her throat was sore; she had thought Jim was fine, there was no reason she knew of for why he wouldn't be. Bones sat on the bed beside her, placing his hand on the other side of her hip to hold himself up.

"He's fine," he told her, his voice sounding false to even his own ears.

"You're lying," she whispered, seeing it in his eyes. "Where is he?"

Bones sighed knowing from the sound of her heart monitor that she was growing agitated. "You can see him after I clear you."

"So clear me," she demanded hearing her heart rate increase as well, feeling it pounding in her head.

"No," he told her simply.

"What?" she asked outraged, wanting to shove him away from her but wasn't strong enough.

"I'm not clearing you until you're ready," he said even simpler.

"Why the hell not?" she demanded angrily; in the back of her mind she knew he was right, she wasn't ready to leave her bed, but it was Jim.

"You're not ready yet," he said raising his voice to match hers. "Lie down."

"No," Ellie said pushing him away and trying to stand. "Get me Dr. Wyatt."

Bones grabbed her arms and kept her from getting out of the bed. "You are not scaring him into clearing you," he said crossly nearly throwing her back down. "Lay down."

"Get off me," she growled trying to tear his hand from her arm, the room beginning to spin from her exertions.

"Goddammit Ellie!" he yelled holding her down on the bed. "You're supposed to be dead!"

She stilled at his words, staring up at him shocked. It was glaringly obvious that she wasn't ready when she stared up at Bones and saw two of him, her heart marching a beat in her ears and her breathing was heavy and labored.

Bones released her when he saw she wouldn't try to move again, and he sat back on the bed. "I won't argue about this," he told her quieter. "You will wait until _I_ clear you."

Ellie looked at his serious face, seeing that he had been afraid she was dead and all resolve left her. "Fine," she agreed though still unhappy. "Will you at least tell me what happened?"

"No," he told her firmly, allowing no room for argument. "All you need to know is he's fine. I should get back to him," he said wanting to check on Jim and how the transfusion was going – it would take hours and it was nowhere near being finished.

"Alright," Ellie said softly without looking at him.

He sighed at seeing that she was sad and worried. "Look," he said cupping the back of her head and stroking her cheek, "give it another few days and you can see him."

She nodded without saying anything, knowing the next few days would be torture as she waited for Bones to clear her. "Fine," she mumbled before scooting lower on the bed and lying down turned toward him.

Bones looked down at her, pulling the covers up to her shoulders. He moved so he was laying beside her and they were face to face. "Will you tell me what happened?" he asked placing his arm over her waist.

Ellie shrugged, taking comfort in his arms; feeling horridly guilty for thinking of Bones instead of Scotty. "He beamed me on his ship and the torpedoes exploded, then we crashed," she answered without going into detail.

"Okay," he said seeing she didn't want to talk about it, something she was incredibly thankful for.

Khan had saved her, as much as he may have hated her for thinking she had been apart of killing his crew he still saved her; she didn't think she would ever share that with anyone, not even she understood it.

"You should go see Jim," she said softly not wanting him leave, and that was exactly why he should go.

He brought his hand up to cup her cheek, seeing her eyes were haunted. "I'll go when you're asleep," he told her, seeing the relief in her eyes before she closed them.

He stayed a few minutes after she'd fallen asleep, stroking her cheek as she slept. "I love you," he whispered, realizing how stupid he'd been to not have seen he was in love with her. He kissed her forehead before he stood, noticing Spock standing in the doorway.

"How is she, Doctor?" Spock asked choosing not to speak of what he'd heard.

"Her vitals are stable," Bones answered as they walked back to Jim's room. "She'll need a few days to recuperate before she can get out of bed."

Spock nodded as he listened having already heard that from Scotty. "It is surprising that she is alive," he mused and stopped when Bones did.

"Why do you think that she is?" Bones asked looking to the vulcan. "Did he strangle her before or after they crashed? And either way, why did he stop?"

"It would make more sense if he did before," Spock said logically. "And he either changed his mind or no longer cared."

"Which still begs the question of why she's alive," Bones said gruffly as he thought, remembering completely the way Khan had looked at her.

"The answer is obvious, Doctor," Spock told him. "He saved her."

Bones looked after Spock as he started walking again completely baffled. "The hell he'd do that for?"

"Basic male instinct," Spock answered and looked to Bones to see he was expecting more. "Think of a woman you hate."

"Well that's easy," Bones grumbled as he thought of his ex wife.

"Now imagine yourself in a ship that was about to crash. Would you let her die?" Spock asked him.

Bones looked up at him unhappily. "I'm not a murderer," he told Spock.

"Either way, Ellie is alive. For some reason Khan felt the need to keep her so; he protected his woman," Spock said calling on his previous statement of male instinct.

"Ellie isn't his woman," Bones said, quick to remind Spock of that.

"She is not yours either, Doctor," Spock told him with a raised brow, making Bones nearly stop in his tracks. "You may ask him if you like."

Bones looked into Jim's room to see the tubes connecting from Jim's veins to Khan's, the only way Bones had figured to save his friend. Khan's arms and legs were restrained with four armed guards surrounding him.

"How is Dr. Davis?" Khan asked when Bones entered the room.

"You don't talk about her," he growled looking at Khan with scorching eyes.

Khan smiled maliciously at Bones. "Have I struck a nerve?" he asked innocently. "And here I thought she was romantically attached to him," Khan said turning dark eyes to Scotty.

"How do you know that?" Scotty asked shocked, his skin crawling from Khan's menacing gaze.

Khan rolled his eyes sighing. _She would have understood him,_he thought_, honestly ordinary humans are stupid._ He missed Ellie in the midst of people who could not think for themselves. "Because when he's here you're not, and when he's gone you're here. Isn't it obvious?" he asked blandly, superiority laced in his voice.

They were all quite unsettled by how easily he figured things out, Bones seeing why he liked Ellie so much; she thought things through more than most.

"So how is she?" he asked again looking toward Bones. "How's her head?"

Bones felt his blood boil at the sick smile on Khan's face, realizing he had been the one to hurt her. His hands curled into fists, and in that moment Bones was thinking of murder.

"Did she hit her head or did you?" Spock asked calmly, though rage swam in his blood as well.

Khan smiled once more, a rumble of laughter deep in the back of his throat. "I'm surprised the navigation system didn't crack from how hard I slammed her head into it," he said viciously.

Red flashed behind Bones' eyes at the sneer in Khan's voice as he admitted what he'd done, and that was all it took for Bones to throw himself at the man. Hitting him over and over relentlessly, Khan's nose cracking under one of the blows.

"Dr. McCoy," Spock yelled trying to get him under control, though Bones didn't stop. Jim had already been weak when he had started punching Khan on Qo'nos, Bones didn't show any signs of stopping. "Dr. McCoy," he yelled again grabbing Bones' arm before he could bring it down on Khan's face again.

Bones turned to Spock almost punching him too, but instead he pushed Spock off of him and moved away from Khan. There was no doubt in anyone's mind – not Khan's, not Spock's, not the guard's, and not Scotty's – that the doctor loved her.

Spock turned from Bones and looked down at Khan, who was staring up at Spock almost gleefully. One solid punch to Khan's temple and he was left unconscious. "Thank you," Bones said to Spock sounding out of breath.

Spock turned to Bones almost smiling. "Most certainly."

Bones went about fixing the IVs in Khan's arms so the transfusion could finish and the man be put back in a cryogenic sleep. There was no doubt in his mind he loved Ellie; he couldn't say he was staring to love her, or that at the time he only loved her a little. If Khan hadn't been genetically enhanced he would be dead, Bones had hit him that hard that many times. It was something that shocked him to learn; he loved Ellie. He loved her enough to kill for her.

* * *

_I wasn't sure how Bones did Jim's transfusion, but I do know that there needs to be a source for Jim's blood to go into and then a way to get the blood to Jim so I just figured that source would be Khan cause it made the most sense medically. There will be one more scene between Khan and Ellie before he's frozen again, and I'm kind of excited for it cause I hope it shows that she is actually a caring person at heart - even though Khan is a horrible person and she owes him nothing.  
I don't know if anyone has noticed the chapters titles, or knows the song, but that was the end of it. So now I am gonna do the lyrics to my favorite song; Give me Love by Ed Sheeran.  
_


	26. cause lately I've been waking up alone

_Lola: Thank you, I'm glad you liked it. I liked making Spock punch him too, it's like the only moment where they have been friendly to each other; but I will say it was mostly because of Ellie, cause Spock likes her too. As much as Spock's able. About Khan's exposing Bones' feelings, Bones has already done that a little. Scotty knows, he's very aware Bones loves Ellie - which will cause problems in a few chapters._

* * *

Bones sat in a chair beside Ellie's bed going over his patient's charts, hearing Ellie click to a new program continuously without stopping on anything. On nearly every station there something about the crash, never revealing details on Khan or the other augments as well as nothing truthful about Admiral Marcus; who they said was killed in the crash. And Ellie wouldn't settle on any of the stations, not if all were saying were lies.

"Give me that," Bones grumbled trying to concentrate and failing, turning the television off all together.

Ellie sighed looking over at Bones to see him staring down at a medical book and his padd, another pad for writing on his other knee. She needed something to do, it had been 36 hours after she had woken and the double vision had gone away after she had rested. "You're boring," she said miserably and he looked up at her without raising his head.

"I'm working," he told her, amused at her fidgeting.

Ellie rolled her eyes leaning back against her pillows. "What are you working on?" she asked wondering if it was anything interesting.

"Hm," Bones hummed shrugging as he looked down at his charts, "nothing much."

Ellie's brows furrowed as she stared questioningly at him, knowing he had been there researching something for the past three hours. "So what's nothing?"

He could see she was bored, itching with the need to do something other than lay in a bed. "A man with Cotard Delusion," he said nonchalantly.

Her eyes widened with awe. "You're joking."

"'fraid not," he told her trying not to smile at the look of pure jealousy on her face.

"That's one of my dream cases," she told him morosely.

"I know, you told me" he said moving to sit beside her on the bed, handing her his padd as he settled his notepad and book on his lap.

"Are these his brain scans?" she asked flipping through the x rays on his padd.

"Yeah," he said flipping through the old medical book to see the list of different treatment options that had been tested over hundreds of years; there weren't many.

Ellie nodded as she thought, turning back to the padd to look at what all Bones had researched so far. Neither of them noticed Scotty in the doorway. He stood watching the two as they both looked up different things, coming back together every so often to rebuff an idea they had. Ellie didn't notice, she was too wrapped up in the mystery of how to fix the man, but Scotty did. Bones had stopped reading his book after a while and openly stared at Ellie as she pulled together ideas; taking the medical book he was no longer using and writing down different things on his notepad.

When Bones hadn't been speaking to Ellie she often stayed with Scotty when she tried to solve cases, he usually occupied himself when she was lost in thought but Bones watched her amazed. This was a part of Ellie Scotty could never understand, just like she didn't understand his passion for mechanics; something that saddened him when he watched how invested Bones was in catching every thought that crossed her face. Just as they hadn't noticed Scotty when he'd come, they didn't notice when he left.

"I got nothing," Ellie said sighing as she sat back.

"Really?" Bones asked surprised. "All that and just nothing?"

"Nothing more than the drugs you're giving him now," she said turning to him, having not realized until that moment how close they were. "I mean there's electroconvulsive therapy. Or you could risk it and try to rewire his brain yours..." she broke off at his darkened eyes, his gaze leaving her nearly breathless.

_I love you._ She'd nearly forgotten what he'd said before Khan had taken her, but she remembered it clearly as he stared at her. "Bones," she whispered trying to make him stop, knowing she wouldn't. She was relieved when his eyes cleared and he moved away; it was then, and only then when she felt guilt weighing her down, that she remembered Scotty. And so she turned away from him.

"I should check on Jim," Bones said as he stood, wanting nothing more than to stay with her; but even he knew he couldn't.

"When can I see him?" she asked immediately after he said her cousin's name.

Bones looked down at her, a refusal on the tip of his tongue. "I don't think you're ready yet," he told her dishonestly.

She knew he was lying. Even if she wasn't a doctor herself she would've known. "You've already checked me out, twice. Everything's fine," she said suspiciously. "There's no reason I wouldn't be cleared to see him. Medically that is."

He didn't know what to say to her, he didn't want her there at all. Another few hours and they could refreeze Khan, but he didn't want her anywhere near Khan; not again. "I'll have Scotty come tell you what happened and if he thinks you're ready then fine, you can see him."

"What?" Ellie asked with furrowed brows. "Why is Scotty clearing me?"

"I'll let him answer that," Bones said before he left the room to go find him. It wasn't but thirty minutes after Scotty went to talk with Ellie that Bones saw him wheeling her to Jim's room. "I see you talked him into clearing you," Bones said unhappily.

"Not out of the wheelchair," Ellie grumbled equally as unhappy, though in truth she was scared to see Jim.

"You've just had surgery, it's too long of a walk," Bones told her.

"I walked farther than this six hours ago," she told him irritably, knowing exactly what Bones was doing. "He hit me over the head, he already knows how weak I am."

"Elenore," Spock said stepping out of Jim's room, seeing she was fretting.

"Mr. Spock," Ellie said looking up at him. "Here to knock Khan out in case he takes a jab at me again?"

"I'll take you to see him," Spock said knowing she had every right to upset, though displeased with her attitude non the less.

"Why did you clear her?" Bones demanded of Scotty when Spock had taken Ellie in the room.

"Why the bloody hell would you leave me to make that decision?" Scotty retorted. "She doesn't make saying no easy."

"What'd she do, threaten you?" Bones asked disbelieving, knowing Ellie wouldn't do that Scotty.

"She wanted to talk to him," Scotty said knowing Bones would be angry, and he wasn't wrong; Bones looked like he'd hit him. "Aren't you the least bit interested in what she has to say?" he asked in his defense.

Bones glared at him, his mouth twitching from how deep his scowl was. "He wrapped his hand around her neck," he growled. "I don't care what she has to say." With that he entered the room, with every intention of removing her even if he had to drag her out. But he didn't, he was stilled by the sound of her tears.

His hand was cold, not an ounce of warmth – of life – as she held his hand. He looked dead, as Scotty had told her he had been, she just hadn't believed it. But looking at Jim lying completely still, his heart monitor barely catching his slow heart rate, a breathing tube down his throat, left her in tears.

Khan had forgotten how much she loved her cousin, how deeply devoted to him she was. It was there, muffled behind her hand as she held it to her mouth. He didn't know how long she cried, it was a pitiful sound that hurt his ears – that left him nearly burning.

Spock knew what Khan was feeling, had felt the strange feeling himself when he had marooned Jim on Delta Vega and then looked at Ellie; Khan felt shame. Spock somehow didn't think Khan wanted to hurt her, but Khan didn't know how to do anything but cause pain and destruction.

Ellie composed herself as much as she could, knowing Bones would take her back to her room sooner rather than later; knowing he didn't want her near Khan. She wiped the tears from her cheeks only for them to be replaced by more, and then she looked up at him. "You care about them," she said simply, sniffing as she tried to stop crying.

His eyes hardened as he looked at her. _How dare she speak of them_? he though venomously. He wanted to strangle her again, he wanted to watch the life slowly leave her eyes for daring to mention them. And then she looked at Jim, and he was left with that sick feeling in his stomach.

"You love them," she said stroking Jim's cheek, feeling the chill of his skin beneath her fingertips.

"Just as you love your cousin," Khan finished for her mockingly. "And so understand me."

Ellie did understand, which was why she turned her eyes back to Khan to see him glaring hatefully at her. "Are you sure?" she asked him as he had done to her a number of times.

Khan wasn't, not anymore. She was confusing him, her eyes – which were so filled with sympathy he couldn't believe she'd had a hand in killing his crew – were making him uncomfortable. They were making him doubt himself, an ordinary human. "You have one more than I do," he told her.

Ellie looked back to Jim wondering if he would understand, wondering if anyone would ever understand. "I have 71 less than you do," she said softly, knowing without looking that Bones was glaring at her. They hadn't told Khan his crew was still alive, that his family wasn't dead. She hated Khan, he'd killed millions, he'd killed Pike. But staring at Jim's face, looking so close to the death he had just been brought back from, she couldn't do that to another person.

She looked up to see Khan was now unconscious, a syringe in Spock's hand, and Bones at her back pushing the wheelchair to get her out of the room.

"What the hell were you thinking?" he demanded furiously when they reached her room.

"I know," she said quietly as she sat on the bed.

"No," he said interrupting her. "No you don't know. He is murderer, he's the reason Jim died. He deserved to be frozen thinking he was alone," Bones told her crossly, enraged she had shown Khan any kindness.

"I know, Bones, but," she started but again Bones interrupted her.

"He tried to kill you. He strangled you, did you forget the bruises on your neck? And then he slammed your head into the navigation system, and bragged about it," Bones yelled, baffled that she didn't see what a mistake she'd just made.

"I know," she said louder, the tears more evident in her voice. "I know what he is. And I know you don't understand me," she said as tears filled her eyes. "That I frustrate you, and I don't make it easy to like me. Okay, I get it. I don't understand me," she said breaking off at the end of that sentence as a knot of tears welled in her sore throat.

Bones knelt in front of where she sat, an arm around either side of her waist. And he waited for her to swallow her tears so she would continue, wiping the few that fell from her eyes.

"It's not 71," she said after a while.

"What?"

Ellie shook her head before answering. "It's not just Jim. It's Scotty," she said, reminding him once again she was already taken, "and Spock, Henry," she said and then shrugged, "and you."

He was speechless at hearing he was important to her, at seeing it on her face. "It's 67," he said and she smiled sadly.

"I wouldn't want to think you were dead," she said, and though he knew she meant all of them he allowed himself to think she was speaking of only him.

"Ellie," he said gently, trying to make her see she was forgetting something, "he's a murderer."

"But he loves them," she told him insisting. "And anyone who can love is worth showing compassion."

And then he understood; it surprised him. "I'm not showing him compassion," he said, and he wouldn't. Ellie sympathized with Khan for whatever her reasons were, but Bones wouldn't.

"Why?"

_Because I love you_, he almost answered but he stopped himself in time. "Not after what he did to you."

Ellie sighed thinking Bones would say it was because he loved her, hoping that he would. "Are we ever gonna talk about that?" she asked wondering if he would ever say it again.

He had hoped she didn't remember, but it was obvious now that she did. "No," he told her simply as he stood.

"Why not?" she asked sounding hurt, looking up at where he stood.

He stared down at her pretty face, pale from her tears. "You're not mine to love," he reminded her before he left to check on Jim, leaving her to lay back in bed alone.

There was one thought repeating itself over and over and over again in her head; a thought she hated herself for. _I could be._


	27. paint splattered teardrops on my shirt

"Hey," Jim said bending down to kiss her cheek.

"Hey," Ellie said back smiling up at him "Just let me finish this and I'll be ready," she said as she finished filling out her patient's charts. Jim sighed and flopped himself in the chair beside her.

"Are you not done yet?" Bones asked ten minutes later when he entered the room.

"Almost," Ellie told him, raising her chin when he bent down to kiss her.

"Ugh, don't kiss my cousin in front of me," Jim said feigning disgust, though in truth he was smiling.

Bones looked over at him. "What?" he asked innocently. "You mean like this?" Jim rolled his eyes and turned away groaning when Bones kissed her again, making her laugh softly.

"I could finish this up a lot faster if you weren't distracting me," Ellie mumbled against his mouth.

"Yeah," Bones said smiling against her lips. "Is this distracting?" he asked kissing along her jaw.

"Yes," she laughed. He turned his head so he was looking at her, his eyes darkened slightly and a smile curled on his lips.

"Allow me," she heard a deep accented voice say. And before either she, Jim, or Bones could react Khan crushed Bones' head in his hands making Ellie scream.

Jim launched himself at Khan but his blows made no difference to the genetically enhanced man. Khan simply snapped Jim's neck before turning to Ellie to see her staring up at him in fear. "You are mine," he growled as he pulled her after him.

…

Ellie woke with a gasp, a scream trapped in the back of her throat. She quickly grabbed the lamp and turned it on, half expecting Khan to be standing over her bed. He wasn't there, there was no one in her room besides Scotty. After she was released from the hospital a week ago he and Bones had been splitting their nights to stay with her.

"Did you have the dream again?" Scotty asked sleepily as he sat up in the bed across from hers.

Ellie leaned back against the headboard breathing deeply. "Yeah," she answered trying to keep the threat of tears out of her voice.

Scotty sat on the bed beside her pulling into his arms, this having not been the first night she'd dreamed Khan had come back for her. "He's frozen, Ellie," Scotty assured her. "Spock saw to it himself. He's not gonna hurt you again."

Ellie tried to believe it, she tried so hard, but she couldn't. There was only thing that would ever make her feel safe again. "Can you get Bones?"

Scotty could nearly feel the break in his heart when she asked that, having wondered what would happen now – now that Bones had told her he loved her. "What do you want me to tell him?" he asked, having no resolve to refuse.

"I wanna see Jim," she said, her cousin being the only person she wanted to see.

Scotty tried not to let out a laugh of relief, having not thought she wanted Bones for that reason. "It's three in the morning," he told her as he smoothed her hair out of her face.

Ellie looked up at Scotty surprised, having not realized what time it was. "Then he'll probably say no," she sighed.

Scotty sat with her leaning against him, his hands running through her hair and her arms wrapped around him. "Lets not get Bones," he offered looking down at her, "and go see Jim anyways."

She looked at him amazed, he always surprised her by how much he cared about her – by how much he knew her. She wanted to love him, she wanted it more than anything; but she didn't, not in the way she was starting to love Bones. Scotty was the better guy, but that meant nothing to her feelings.

"Come on," Scotty said as he stood, pulling her along with him.

…

Scotty jumped awake when he felt a solid hit on his arm, and he looked up to see Bones glaring down at him, the sun now risen.

Bones had come to Jim's room to check his progress first thing in the morning and found Ellie curled in a chair and her head laying on Jim's bed sound asleep; Scotty nearly drooling as he laid spread out on the chair across the room. "She's supposed to be getting a full nights rest," Bones told Scotty crossly when he'd closed the door on Ellie and Jim, "that's part of her recovery."

"She wanted to see him," Scotty told him, on the defense around the unusually aggravated doctor. "Was I supposed to tell her no?" Scotty demanded when Bones rolled his eyes.

"Yes," Bones said firmly. "You tell her no. Visiting hours are at a certain time and that's not the middle of the night."

"She doesn't get an exception?" Scotty asked surprised, thinking Bones would give her anything she asked for.

"She won't get over this if you coddle her," Bones said sharply. "She needs to stand on her own."

"She needs Jim Kirk," Scotty insisted vehemently, wondering if Bones knew her at all.

Bones resisted the urge to punch the scottish man. "He's not awake," Bones told him trying not to yell. "He's getting better, that much is apparent. I have no idea when he'll wake up, _if _he'll wake up. She needs to figure out how to get better without him."

"I don't think you can talk about her coming to terms with Kirk possibly dying," Scotty said, his tone angrier and his eyes darker.

"The hell is that supposed to mean?" Bones demanded gruffly.

"We all saw how well you handled knowing Ellie would die," Scotty retorted almost savagely, a shocking thing in the usually kind man.

Bones was rendered almost speechless. "That's between me and Ellie."

"Not when I had to repair what you broke," Scotty informed him, shocking Bones into silence. "Have you even apologized?"

"Of course I have," Bones grumbled consternated, realizing Scotty was right in this; unhappy with how much of Ellie the other man knew.

"Really?" Scotty asked sarcastically. "Do you know how much you hurt her?" He waited for Bones to answer and he shook his head giving a short laugh when Bones said nothing. "You made her feel like a whore," he told him.

Bones opened his mouth to give a retort, something of a defense, but there was nothing. "I did apologize," Bones told him quietly, knowing that wasn't enough – not for Scotty, and not for Ellie.

"But do you know how much you hurt her?" Scotty asked again.

Bones rolled his eyes frustrated. "Yes," he exclaimed throwing his hands up. "I was the first person she let in after Sarah died. I get it, that's big for her and I screwed up. I got that too," Bones said admitting out loud for the first time that he had made a mistake.

And even then that wasn't good enough. "That's only part of it," Scotty told him realizing Bones still didn't know.

"Alright then, fill me in," Bones said exasperated, wanting to be done talking about this as soon as possible.

"You found out she was gonna die and you punished her for it," Scotty said. "No," Scotty said cutting Bones off before he could give an angry response. "You were punishing her. You were her friend, then you slept with her, and for no reason you stopped talking to her. Do you know who the last person to blame her for something she had no control over was?" he asked.

Bones stood staring at Scotty with irritably furrowed brows, waiting for him to answer. "Who?" Bones asked when Scotty didn't say anything. Scotty continued to glare at Bones without speaking, making Bones more frustrated the longer he thought about it. "No," Bones nearly yelled. "I am _not_ like her father."

"You blamed her because she was supposed to die," Scotty said nearly yelling in return, "just like her father blamed her for living."

"I am nothing like her father, we're not even talking about him," Bones said speaking over Scotty.

Scotty stood waiting for Bones to finish, knowing he still didn't get it yet. "Do you have any idea what her father did to her?"

Bones groaned feeling the urge to pull his hair out from how frustrating it all was. "What does her father have to do with this?"

"He has to do with everything," Scotty cried.

Bones ran a hand across his face trying not to hit Scotty so this could all just be over with. "What's your point?" Bones asked not seeing it.

Scotty looked at Bones to see if maybe he would get it, but he didn't. "My point is, her father told her she was worthless and she believed him."

Bones stared at Scotty completely shocked; he had never thought about Ellie in terms of how her father treated her. But Scotty was right, Ellie didn't act like she was worth anything – she acted as though she knew she wasn't worth getting to know.

"You made her feel the same way her father did; like she was expendable," Scotty told him, and it was true, cause he had been the one to pick up her pieces and in the process he'd begun caring for her.

Bones didn't think he could feel worse, he was ashamed – utterly and completely ashamed, realizing how entirely selfish he had been. He didn't know how he hadn't seen it, Ellie made it obvious she didn't think she was worth a damn thing by her coldness. But yet, Bones wasn't convinced – there were little pieces of compassion and love that he had seen, that meant she was worth enough to show and receive it. "I don't think that's entirely true," Bones said to Scotty. "She doesn't always act like she's worthless."

Scotty raised a brow, seeing Bones was slowly understanding. "Can you think of one thing that would make her feel like she meant anything?"

Of course Bones did, they were standing outside of his room as he recovered from being dead. "Dammit," Bones grumbled, having said no to Ellie a few times after she'd woken up in the middle of the night.

A thought struck him, his own piece of the puzzle falling into place. "Khan made her feel like that too," Bones said quietly.

"What?" Scotty asked, having not thought of the augment.

"She figured everything out. She wasn't right about all of it, but she was right about the big things," Bones answered. "You didn't see him when he watched her, he was so," he broke off as he tried to think of the word, "pleased. He looked at her like she was the most astounding thing."

"Pike did too," Scotty said softly, thinking of how upset she'd been when he'd died.

"And Mrs. Avery," Bones added.

"And Sarah," Scotty added as well.

"And her mother," Bones said finishing, both of them amazed Ellie had lasted this long after so much. Jim really was the only thing holding her together.

"She's lost everyone," Scotty said sadly, looking up at Bones.

"Will she lose you?" Bones asked knowing Ellie loved Scotty in a way, he had never seen anyone make her so happy – sometimes not even Jim.

Scotty's brows furrowed. "She's still mine," he reminded Bones. "Until she tells me otherwise, and even then I won't just walk away," Scotty said and Bones nodded. "Do you respect me enough to let her decide?" he asked.

Bones was taken aback. "Yeah," he answered, "of course."

Scotty nodded, unhappiness still in his eyes. "Good, then you need to start by backing off."

"What?" Bones asked affronted. "I'm not gonna stop being her friend because you feel threatened."

"Have you apologized?" Scotty demanded once more, deciding not to respond to Bones' slight. "No?" he asked when Bones didn't answer. "You don't just get to be her friend again, you have to earn it."

And with that Scotty turned his back on Bones and made his way into Jim's room, leaving the doctor to stand in the hall surprised, offended, and guilty.

"McCoy," Bones heard Scotty call from in the room, a slight panic in his voice. "She's not here," Scotty said when Bones came up behind him.

Bones pushed Scotty aside and scoured the room; looking under the bed, in the bathroom, in a corner. She wasn't there. She was gone.


	28. told you I'd let them go

_My reason for leaving last chapter as I did was to put readers in the mindset of Bones and Scotty, in a sense of panic of not knowing where she is. Also, there's a year between when Kirk wakes up and his ending speech and I'm gonna go in to that year. Cause Ellie and Bones should be "together" by the end of it and into the start of the five years in space; only I have no idea what happens in those five years so I'll have to watch it.  
_

* * *

Scotty and Bones headed back to her room praying she had simply gone back, but she wasn't there either. "We need to split up," Bones said after he'd checked every place she might hide in the room.

"Where are we looking?" Scotty asked unsure of where she'd be, having never known Elie to hide anywhere; it was something about her Bones knew and he didn't.

Bones sighed as he thought, panic growing the more time passed. "You check here for boiler rooms or storage closets, and I'll go to the hospital and do the same," Bones answered running a hand through his hair. "I guess call me when you're finished looking."

Scotty nodded as they left the room. "Where the bloody hell would she go?" he asked frustrated, though in truth he was more worried.

"I don't know," Bones admitted. "She could be anywhere." He was right, there were too many places she could have gone to; a hiding place because she was too overwhelmed, a bar because she wanted a moment of peace, Pike's grave, her mother's, Sarah's and her mother's. The possibilities were endless.

After two hours both Bones and Scotty were ready to admit they were scared, ready to go to the authorities and have them look for her. Until Bones remembered what she had said.

"What are you doing?" Scotty asked when he saw Bones place his hands over his disgruntled face.

"I'm thinking," he mumbled as he strained his mind to think of anywhere she would be.

"You look like you're in pain," Scotty told him, and he did; his brows were knitted together, his eyes closed.

Bones sighed before giving Scotty a look. "I'm trying to think like Ellie," he explained. "And if you wanna know it kind of does hurt. Now shut up." Bones continued to think, the only place he could think of was at Jim's side. He was the one person she wanted, the only one. "It's not 71," he said remembering what she'd told him.

Scotty stared at Bones like he had suggested they thaw Khan out and ask him. "Uh, what?"

"When I took her out of Jim's room after she told Khan his crew was alive, she explained that she didn't have 71 less than him," Bones explained.

"Okay," Scotty said drawing the word out and Bones sighed realizing he didn't get it.

"She has 67 people she cares for like Khan does his crew," Bones told him. "Jim, you, me, Henry and Spock. She's not with you, me, or Henry which leaves the last one."

"She's with Spock," Scotty said finally understanding.

Bones took out his communicator and called Spock. "It's off," Bones said dejectedly. "We can't both go. You go check back at Jim's room and if she's not there go check her room, I'll go see if she's with Spock," Bones told him.

"What are you gonna do if she is with Spock?" Scotty asked.

"Give them both a piece of my mind," Bones grumbled as he walked away, catching a bus to take him to the building Spock's room was in.

"Doctor McCoy," Spock greeted emotionlessly when he opened the door to find Bones angry on the other side. "To what do I owe this pleasure?" he asked, his voice indicating it was anything but a pleasure to see the doctor.

"Is Ellie here?" Bones asked briskly, not entirely pleased to be coming to Spock.

"Yes, she has been here for two hours," Spock told him simply.

Bones' hands curled into fists and his jaw clenched. "Why didn't you call?" he ground out, ready to throw Ellie over his shoulder and lock her in her room.

Spock looked at Bones curiously. "I was not aware she was under your guard," he told Bones.

He could feel his head wanting to explode, his arm aching to punch the vulcan in the face. "Can I talk to her?" he asked through clenched teeth.

"She's concentrating," Spock answered nearly smiling.

"Well I'm not anymore," Ellie said irritably as she squeezed her way around Spock to look at Bones. "What the hell?" she yelled when Bones grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her.

"Do you have any idea how scared I was?" he yelled shaking her with every word. "I thought someone had taken you!"

Ellie could feel her brain rattling in her head, knowing Bones wouldn't stop. "Let me go," she growled as she pushed herself out of his grasp. "You and Scotty were arguing so I left," she explained as she righted herself, pushing the hair out of her face.

Bones stared down at her breathing heavily, caught between wanting to shake her more and wanting to just hold her. "What all did you hear?" he asked almost worriedly.

She looked up at him suspiciously, wondering what all they had said. "Me getting over this without Jim," she told him, not missing the relief that crossed his face.

She had left early on in the conversation, missing most of what Scotty had said – things he hadn't figured out how to apologize for. "You can't just leave," he told her seriously, "not after everything." Even though he knew Khan was frozen it had still crossed his mind that he had taken Ellie, Bones didn't know if that would ever go away; sometimes he himself woke up after dreaming she had disappeared.

"I'm sorry," she said slowly, having not thought she was being looked after that closely. She could feel something churning in her stomach at realizing Bones had been afraid for her, that his worry was proof of his love – something she wasn't entirely comfortable with, not when she was supposed to be feeling this for Scotty. "I'm busy," she said quietly, backing up into Spock who moved to let her back in the room.

"With what?" Bones asked wondering what it was she was doing.

"Translating a chapter of a Vulcan book perfectly," Ellie answered as though it were the most obvious thing. "I have until dinner time," she said before going back into the room.

Bones looked at Spock questioningly. "She has an overactive mind that needs continuous use, I'm giving her something to do," Spock informed him.

"She knows Vulcan?" Bones asked not knowing how else to respond.

"No," Spock answered almost smiling.

"That answers nothing," Bones told him not expecting Spock to explain any further, and nor did he. "How long is she staying?"

"She can stay as long as she likes," Spock said.

Bones waited for more but Spock said nothing else. "Why are you keeping her?" Bones asked curious to the vulcan's intentions.

"I have the utmost sympathy for Elenore," Spock told him. "She has lost everyone in her life save Captain Kirk, and yet she still manages to get out of bed every morning. That is said to be an incredible feat, proof that she is stronger than most," Spock said, not entirely answering Bones' question. "I believe Khan may have seen that strength."

"Okay," Bones said no longer sure what Spock was saying, it certainly wasn't an answer to what he had asked.

Spock could see that Dr. McCoy didn't understand him and so he continued. "How much sympathy do you feel for Khan's plight, Doctor?" Spock asked him.

"None," Bones answered without question.

"Then you and I are of the same mind," Spock told him. "Elenore is not. She felt such strong sympathy for Khan that she wanted him to have peace when he was put to rest. Why is that?"

"She wanted to show him compassion," Bones answered, giving Spock the answer Ellie gave him.

Spock smiled, a small curling of the corners of his mouth, but a smile all the same. "It takes a very special person to want to show compassion to a killer, especially one who had killed someone she cared greatly for such as Khan killed Pike," Spock said. "What got her through that, Doctor?"

Bones looked up at Spock unhappy he wasn't being given a straight answer. "Jim," Bones offered shrugging.

"Precisely," Spock said with a nod, the answer having been reached.

Bones looked at Spock exasperated, not understanding at all. "You're gonna have to spell it out for me."

Spock sighed grievously. "What did she have to get through Pike's death that she doesn't have now?"

"Jim," Bones answered, still unsure why that was Spock's reason for letting her stay.

"It is my belief that she will not get better until Jim is awake," Spock said and Bones nodded because he knew that much. "Her mind needs to be kept busy until she feels all is well, which will be days until the Captain wakes. She needs to be challenged, given new problems she can't easily solve; she needs a goal and she needs a deadline. And that is all something, quite frankly, you can't offer her, Doctor," Spock told him.

Bones nodded, not happy Ellie had gone to Spock, but understanding; out of all of them Spock would be the only one to understand her need for knowledge. "Fine," Bones grumbled before turning on his heel.

"It was nice seeing you, Doctor," Spock called after him, and Bones let out an indignant growl but he continued walking, knowing two things: Ellie wouldn't come with him if she didn't want to and Spock wouldn't let him take her if she didn't want to leave.

Ellie continued to stay in Spock's room, using the Vulcan dictionary to translate the chapters, asking Spock about verbs and tenses. One day he made her memorize an entire book of Vulcan proverbs, both in English and in Vulcan. Uhura often came by to spend time with Spock but she quickly grew tired of watching Spock sit as he watched Ellie, who she could see was slowly getting back to her normal self.

Ellie would leave Spock's room after dinner and make for hers, locking her door behind her so neither Scotty nor Bones could come in; ignoring them both when they knocked, but that didn't deter either of them.

Bones waited outside her door after dinner on the fifth day, giving her no choice but to talk to him. "You haven't come by to see Jim in a while," he said when she stopped in front of him.

"I've been busy," she answered quietly, knowing nothing she was doing was actually important.

Bones stared down at her, his arms crossed as he leaned against the door. "I may understand if you'd talk to me," he offered.

She looked up at him not thinking he would. "If I was the one in the bed Jim wouldn't leave my side," she told him.

"You're not Jim," he remarked. "And I think it would kill him just as it's killing you. He couldn't bear seeing you like that either."

Ellie was surprised that Bones did actually understand, and then she realized it was Scotty who wouldn't – Scotty, who was so sweet and loving, would never understand her coldness.

"You should let me check you out," Bones said after a while of silence. "So I can clear you for surgery," he explained to her questioning stare. She moved her head away from him when he reached up to push back her hair to check her scar.

"I'm not," she started but left her sentence unfinished, not caring if Bones understood what she was going to say.

But he did. "You wanna wait until Jim's awake," he finished for her, taking her by surprise. "That's fine," he told her.

She was rendered immobile when Bones pushed off the door to stand directly in front of her, looking down at her in a way he hadn't in three years. She was left catching her breath when Bones brushed his lips against her cheek and walked down the hall.

"Goodnight," he called, a smile curled on his lips; it was then he knew, she loved him too.

_Two days later_

"I'm busy, Bones," she answered when her communicator rang.

"You'll make time for this," he told her as he went over the machines hooked to Jim, his breathing tube set aside and forgotten after it was taken out the week before.

"What?" Ellie asked putting her pen down, taking a break from translating the last few chapters of the Vulcan book.

"Jim's vitals are completely stable, his brain wave activity's increasing," Bones said, hearing nothing but the faint sound of Ellie breathing on the other end.

"He's waking up," she whispered as she realized what all that meant.

Bones smiled to himself, hearing the hope in Ellie's voice. "Yeah, Ellie, he's waking up."

* * *

_Lil: It's not that Bones is an asshole (although that's how Scotty sees it), it's just he needs to own up to what all he did to Ellie. Cause in chapter, I believe, ten Ellie said she felt like a whore, cause Bones slept with her one day and decided he wanted nothing to do with her the next; which made her feel easy. "She's still mine," wasn't meant to be a possessive line, and I'm so sorry it seemed like that. But I was trying to show that Bones assumed he could now be with Ellie and Scotty was telling him no, she's with me you need to let her decide. Ellie really only has to apologize to Jim, which will come when he wakes up. She hasn't really done anything to Bones, and when she did she apologized in the way that they apologize to each other (which doesn't include the words I'm sorry). That's all I meant, I didn't realize that it came off differently._

_Lola: thank you for reviewing, I'm glad you liked it. I hope you understand why I left it like that._


	29. and that I'll fight my corner,

_Okay so I looked up Bones' history when looking for the name of his wife in the alternate reality, she apparently wasn't named so I kept her as the original; Jocelyn. However, it appears that Bones and his wife did not have a daughter in the alternate reality - and that I am completely unsure of. So does anyone actually know whether Bones has a daughter in the 2009 movie and Into Darkness?  
Also, I will be getting on a plane tomorrow morning so tomorrow's chapter will be put up early tomorrow morning.  
_

* * *

It had been a week since last Ellie'd seen him, but now the machines around him were beeping loud and fast to show he was stable – yet he was still not awake.

"It may take some time but he's waking up," Bones assured her, knowing as a doctor she was thinking of all the horrible reasons for why Jim wouldn't.

Ellie nodded, feeling tears knotting themselves in her throat, swelling behind her eyes. "Can you call me when he does?" she asked looking up at him, her blue eyes looking lost. "After you've checked him over?"

Bones stared down at her knowing the waiting was killing her, but there was nothing they could but wait. "Sure," he told her squeezing her shoulder.

She cast one last look to Jim lying unconscious in the bed before turning on her heel and leaving.  
Bones sighed as he watched her go, hating everything about what he had to do. "Hey," Bones said when Scotty answered the call. "She's gonna need you."

Scotty found her in the nearest bar, holding a shot of tequila she hadn't yet taken. "You gonna drink that?" he asked and she answered by sliding the glass toward him.

"You want another?" the bartender asked.

Ellie shook her head caught between wanting to drown everything in tequila and not thinking she should, in case Jim woke soon. She didn't know what she was so upset over, Jim was waking up – his vitals were strong, his brain activity normal. She looked over at Scotty, opening her mouth to say she was ready to go when she realized it – it wasn't Jim.

Jim was waking up, everything would be right in the world. Only Ellie was caught between two guys she cared too much about, Jim waking up wouldn't fix that; instead, him being awake would make her have to choose. She didn't want to.

"You wanna talk about it?"

Ellie looked over at Scotty surprised, thinking he knew what was going through her head and was relieved to see he didn't. "I just don't wanna keep waiting," she answered. "I want him awake," she said feeling the threat of tears once again. "I just want him awake."

"Hey," Scotty said wrapping an arm around her. "He's gonna wake up. And do you know what he's gonna do?" Scotty asked her.

"What?" she asked looking up at him.

"He's gonna make fun of you for crying over him," Scotty told her making her smile in spite of herself. "I'm serious, he's gonna say 'Ellie,'" Scotty said putting on his best american accent to impersonate Jim, making Ellie laugh.

"Stop," she laughed smacking his arm. "Don't make me laugh." She continued laughing softly, leaning against Scotty who was smiling amused. She stopped a short while later, laying her head on his shoulder, taking the comfort he could offer. _You make this so hard_, she thought; and he did, he was kind and sweet, and cared for her more than anyone had in a while. _So why can't I love you?_ The answer was simple: Bones.

They sat at the bar for a while eating the complementary nuts, Ellie still not drinking in the case Jim woke up that day – knowing if she took even a sip she wouldn't stop until she passed out. "Hello?" she answered when her communicator rang. "Really?" she asked sitting up, her feet having been in Scotty's lap. "I'll be right there."

"Jim awake?" Scotty asked as he held her sweater for her to put her arms through.

"Yeah, Bones said he checked out fine," she answered tying the sweater around her before making for the door.

"How do you plan on getting back to the hospital?" Scotty asked walking quickly behind her.

"I could take a shuttle bus," she said though that was not what she had in mind, in all honesty she hadn't really thought before she'd done it.

"I could drive you," Scotty offered kindly. He stopped when she did and began rifling through his pockets for his keys, until he saw them in Ellie's outstretched hand. "Thief," he said before snatching them out of her hand, and she did her best to hide her smile before she got in his new car.

Ellie sat in the seat beside Scotty ready to blow a fuse, her fingers tapping an irritated beat as he drove. "My cousin just woke up from being dead and you're driving the speed limit?" she demanded rudely.

Scotty looked at her appalled before turning back to the road. "Would you rather we get pulled over?" he asked her and she huffed sitting back impatiently.

She threw her seatbelt off before he'd pulling into a parking spot, hopping out of the car when he'd found one. In all honesty she was scared, there had been a thought in the back of her mind for two weeks – a thought with Khan's voice – that said Jim would never wake up.

Something Bones knew, and he was waiting outside of Jim's room for her. "He's fine," he said before she could ask. "You can go see him, but first," he said before tying a scarf around her neck to cover the fading bruises.

That was what Scotty came upon, Bones fixing the scarf over her throat and Ellie staring up at him disgruntled. "There," Bones said when he'd masked them, taking a step back. Ellie stared up at him, her eyes hard and impatient, before she shook her head rolling her eyes and entered the room.

"Hey," Jim said smiling tiredly when he saw her.

"Hey," she said back as she sat beside him on the bed, taking the hand he offered her. "How are you feeling?"

"Like crap," he admitted, closing his eyes when he felt her fingertips smooth over his brow. "I l-"

"No," she said cutting him off before he could finish. "I wanna say it first."

"Okay," he said softly smiling. He laid there feeling sleep settling around him, but she said nothing. "Are you not gonna say it?"

She stared down at him, running her thumb along his knuckles as she thought. "How did you know for three years and not tell me?"

He looked at her surprised, his heart breaking that she knew. "How'd you know?"

"Bones," she said looking down.

"He shouldn't have told you," Jim said, not understanding why Bones had. "You shouldn't have to know."

"He didn't mean to say it," she said in Bones' defense.

Jim shook his head. "That makes no difference," he told her.

Ellie shrugged, squeezing his hand – seeing he was tired. "We're talking again," she offered placatingly.

Jim looked up at where she sat beside him, seeing she wasn't upset – she was understanding.

"I think he does love you," Jim told her softly, having seen the proof too many times to deny it.  
Bones was surprised at hearing that, having come in the room a minute before, wondering how Jim knew. "I know," he heard Ellie reply just as quietly, admitting she knew too.

"You should rest," she told him, stroking his cheek soothingly when she saw his eyes drooping closed. "I love you," she whispered as she bent to kiss his cheek, seeing he had already fallen back unconscious. She sat by his side for a while longer before she stood and turned to the door to see Bones, who had stayed for her the whole time.

He looked down at her as she came to stop in front of him. "You okay?" he asked her gently.

Ellie bit her lip as she nodded. "I had a whole conversation with him," she said. "I didn't cry once."

"Well good," Bones told her, placing his hand on her arm. The moment he touched her tears flooded her eyes and her chin quivered. "Okay," he said as he pulled her into his arms, running his hands along her back soothingly.

"I can't do this," she said without further explanation, and though it hurt him to understand he still did.

"I won't ask you to," he said in return, holding her for as long as she needed before she pulled away.

She stared up at him regretfully, not wanting him to let her go; and that was exactly why she needed to leave. Because he was right, she wasn't his to love; not at the time.

_Five days later_

The last day Bones had seen Ellie had been the day after Jim woke when he cleared her for surgery. At least that had been the last day he spoke to her. He saw her all the time when she was with Jim but he kept his distance; giving her the space she'd asked for, even if he did miss her. It was funny, he hadn't ached to have her near him the last three years, but now he couldn't even breathe without thinking of her. He couldn't ever remember feeling like this with Jocelyn, like she was a drug he was addicted to.

So when he saw Ellie at the end of a hall filling out a patient's charts she was discharging, he couldn't resist coming to sit beside her. "You hidin'" he asked.

Ellie looked up from her patient's charts and gave him an irritated look. "If I have to smile and say I'm fine one more time after someone asks how I'm doing after my "mugging," she said making air quotes, "I'm gonna hurt someone."

Bones tried to keep his face placid, knowing Ellie may very well hit him, but he was having a hard time of that.

"And since chief Sullivan has declared I can't put my hands in a person's body cavity until my new psychiatrist clears me, I wouldn't be able to do surgery on them if I did stab them in the face like I want to," she grumbled leaning back against the wall, not yet ready to admit she had missed him too; though unlike him she had missed him over the three years, a thought that made her sigh.

"So you're having a good day then," Bones said and gave a loud short laugh at her glare. "I'm sorry," he said as his laughter faded, a smile twitching on her frowning lips. It was the closest he'd come to apologizing since Scotty had exploded on him, something he had tried so hard to come up with the right words to say only to find out there weren't any. Even Jim had demanded it, enlightening Bones that Ellie wouldn't ask it of him – not when she now understood why he had done it; but this had never been Bones' strong suit.

"You're not dispensable," he told her quietly, uncomfortable with having to talk about any of this at all; wishing he could do what he and Ellie had been doing, just going with it.

Ellie turned to him shocked at what had come out of his mouth. "What?" she asked timidly.

"You're not," he started and shook his head before trying again. "I'm s-" again he stopped not happy with what he was saying, not thinking it enough for her. "I didn't, you were." He couldn't seem to find anything good enough to say to her, to explain himself.

All the while Ellie sat beside him, feeling the heat of his arm from where they touched, listening to him stumble over his words. "You don't have a metaphor for me?" she asked almost teasingly and Bones gave her a look.

"No," he answered. "I don't have anything for you," he admitted taking her by surprise. He brushed her hair back and ran his thumb over the scarred line her surgery had left hidden beneath her hair. "I didn't want to love you," he told her surprising her even more. "I could see it happening, even then I think. And it scared the hell outta me, cause I didn't want," he stopped again.

"Bones," she said wrapping her hand around his arm, his thumb still tracing the new scar.

"I wasn't ready," he said as though he didn't hear or feel her. "I wasn't ready for someone new, and I sure as hell wasn't ready for it to be you."

She pushed his arm away trying to make him stop, not ready to hear this. "Bones," she said again to interrupt him.

"So when Jim told me you were supposed to," he said breaking off at the end, refusing to stop now that he'd started talking and also refusing to finish that particular sentence. "I ran away," he admitted. "And I don't think an apology will ever be enough."

Just because she didn't want to hear this did nothing, she still heard it; she had been waiting to see if Bones would apologize, if he would be the better man – and now she knew he was, and that changed everything. "I guess you'll just have to show me," she said softly and he gave her a smile before standing, offering her a hand and pulling her up along with him.

She wasn't expecting it, which is what Bones had been counting on – he hadn't entirely been expecting it either, but there was no other way for him to show her. It amazed him how well he remembered the feel of her lips on his, and he was left wondering if there were other parts of her his body remembered just as clearly.

"What does it say about you that I tried so hard not to love you, and I've ended up loving you anyway?" he asked her before leaving her to lean against the wall with tears in her eyes.

The look on her face was so forlorn, the tears so heavy in her eyes, that Scotty couldn't be angry that she'd kissed Bones back – he could see the pain before he reached her. He wiped the tear from her cheek. "I think it's time we talk."

* * *

_Lola: well thanks, I'm glad you understood. And that you liked the last chapter. _


	30. and that tonight I'll call you

Ellie tried her best to keep her tears at bay as she sat across from Scotty in the attending's lounge, which was thankfully empty, knowing this was the end of everything. She could see that he was upset, that he was hurt, and it was her fault. It wasn't Bones, it wasn't that he loved her, it was her. "Scotty I-"

"Don't," Scotty said silencing her, leaving her trying not to cry. He sat across from her a long while without saying anything, staring at her sad face – wiping a few of her tears, seeing her flinch as though he'd hit her – all of that hurt him too. "I knew," he said finally, nodding to himself as he looked away from her. "I knew the moment I fell for you it'd end like this."

She liked it better when he wasn't talking, his words meant he was ready and she still wasn't.

"I could see from the way you looked at him at that you cared for him, you didn't even know you did. That was the sad part," he said looking up at her, nearly making her wince from his pained face, "you were in love with him that day in the bar and you didn't even know it."

She didn't know if he was right, if she'd been in love with Bones for the past three years – she still didn't know if she loved Bones. And yet, he was the one she was choosing. "Why did you fall for me?" she asked him softly.

Scotty looked at her wishing he knew. He didn't exactly, she had been broken and he had fixed a part of her – he had felt needed, he felt important and loved. "I had hoped you would love me too," he admitted. "At least more than him."

Ellie brought a hand to her mouth to stifle the sob that threatened to burst. "I didn't want to," she said through her tears. "I don't want to. I don't want to love him," she said crying. "I wanna love you. And I'm trying."

"I know," Scotty said grabbing her hand. "I know you are, and that means everything me. But what's worse?" he asked releasing her hand to sit back. "You loving someone else or that you're trying so hard to love me instead and you can't?"

She couldn't even look at him, not that she could see anything past the wall of tears that now flooded out of her eyes. "I'm sorry," she said, her voice thick and strained.

"No," Scotty said standing and kneeling in front of her. "You don't have to, that's not what I. This isn't your fault, Ellie," he said stumbling over his words, trying to keep the tears out of his own eyes.

"Really?" she asked. "Because you're the better guy," she said and it almost surprised him that she thought so. "And he's gonna hurt me again." He watched her jaw clench as her chin began quivering. "So what's wrong with me that I can't love you?"

Scotty stared at her regretful eyes, wiping the tears that painted her cheeks. "You love McCoy," he answered softly, seeing that that hurt her. He could see in her eyes what she wanted to say, but he knew she wouldn't; she'd let him walk out of this room hating her because she thought she deserved it – and that hurt him. "You get to be selfish," he said, surprising her that he'd guessed her thoughts. "You get to be broken. Ellie, you've lost everyone, even Jim. It's amazing that you breathe in and out everyday."

Ellie couldn't look at him, she was being selfish – she was asking for more than she could ever deserve.

"You won't lose me," he told her gently, moving to kiss her cheek and stand. "I'm just gonna need some time." And with that he left her, knowing the moment he closed the door she would break down into tears and he didn't think he could hold in his own tears if he heard her crying.

"Hey," Bones said confusedly, wondering why Scotty was leaving the attending's lounge. He looked through the glass window to see Ellie with her head in her hands, her shoulders shaking. He turned back to Scotty prepared to demand to know what happened, but the look in the other man's eyes gave Bones his answer.

Scotty looked at Bones remembering all of the things he had done to Ellie – even the good. The pain surprised him, not thinking it would hurt so much to punch someone in the face. "Don't hurt her again," he warned, shaking his right hand out before leaving.

Bones was left holding his now aching jaw watching Scotty walk away. He turned back to the window to see Ellie now wiping her cheeks as she stood, walking past him without even noticing he was there; that's how distraught she was. He knew what had happened, somehow he hadn't thought it would hurt so much – though he figured it was seeing Ellie so broken up over Scotty that was upsetting him.

She made for the room Jim was still in, that he would be discharged out of tomorrow. He didn't even look up when she entered, still mad at her. She swallowed the knot of tears so she could speak, and even then it was still difficult.

"I know you're mad at me," she said and he nearly snorted, not yet hearing the tears in her voice. "I know you told me not to go near Khan and that it's my fault he tried to kill to me cause I didn't listen to you. But could you just."

Jim looked up at her then, surprised at the way she had phrased it having never meant to make her feel like that. And then he saw the tears, and he knew something was wrong.

Ellie looked at him, trying to keep her chin from shaking so she could speak, seeing him get out of the bed and stand before her. "Could you not be mad at me right now?" she begged him. "Please."

"Okay," he agreed, having not realized exactly how he had made her feel. "Come here," he said wrapping her in his arms, holding her as tight as he could. "You're okay," he said soothingly. "We're gonna be okay."

_Six hours later_

She had told Jim everything, even the things she probably should have left out. The starting point was when she had Bones had gotten drunk and slept together before she left for a month. And then when she had come back and how after everything with the Romulans they had slept together again. It had surprised Jim that he hadn't known, not if they'd been together for months. And then he'd ruined everything by telling Bones she was supposed to die; he wondered what would have happened if he'd said nothing, if she and Bones would have been happy or if they'd hate each other.

She then told him the span of the three years, how Bones completely ignored her and it wasn't until he refused to answer her call when she'd needed help in surgery that she finally gave up on him. And how it wasn't until Khan that they finally came back together. She also told him about Scotty, how he had cared for her and how she couldn't love him. And then finally what had just happened; Bones' apology, him kissing her, and then Scotty breaking things off.

Jim had laid in the hospital bed holding her as she talked, wondering how he hadn't realized any of this – how he hadn't realized it enough to have been there for her when it happened. He asked if she felt the same thing for Scotty when he kissed her as she did with Bones; an answer that brought her to tears again. She stayed with Jim until he fell asleep and then she left, heading to the nearest liquor store; she would be too easy to find at a bar. And then she was left wondering where she would stay for the night; she would be too easy to find in her own room as well.

Bones found her in Jim's old room though he hadn't been looking for her. He had wanted peace for himself, to nurse the hangover he knew he'd have the next morning and so he'd gone to the room the academy had for Jim so no one would bother him. Yet Ellie was laying on the bed with a big liquor bottle in her hand.

"You're drunk," she said when she saw him, not quite walking like he normally did.

"So are you," Bones told her, her voice thicker than usual and her eyes almost glazed. He took the bottle she offered and laid beside her taking a swig. "The hell is this?" he asked, his insides on fire from it.

"Vodka and Tequila," she answered lazily.

"Together?" he asked after another drink, his eyes watering from the burn.

"I wanted tequila," she told him nudging him. "And then I wanted something stronger, so I decided to mix them."

Bones closed his eyes after another drink. "It's awful," he breathed out.

"Yeah but it really hits ya," she said taking a swig. They continued passing the bottle back and forth, Bones getting more used to it the more he drank; and by then they could hardly feel their own bodies let alone remember anything but each other.

"I didn't like seeing you with him," Bones told her, his head laying on her chest and her hands in his hair.

"I don't like when you flirt with other women," she told him in return, her chest warm from his cheek.

"Then I won't do it anymore," he swore looking up at her. "I won't look," he said swiping his arm to indicate everyone, "at another woman."

"That's a lie," she laughed, her head spinning in the clouds.

"No," he insisted, pulling her down the bed so they were face to face, "just you. I just want you."

"Okay," she said cupping his cheek.

"Stay with me," he begged her.

"Why?" she asked wanting to hear it.

"Because I love you," he said smiling drunkenly at her.

"Yeah?" she asked smiling in return.

"A lot," he admitted pulling her flush against him, his hand running through her hair. "Do you love me?"

She looked at him, too drunk to care about what she was saying. "Yeah," she said softly, tracing his lips with her fingertips. She felt him smile and she moved her hand when he leaned closer, their mouths meeting in a sloppy kiss.

* * *

_So Ellie and Bones won't just be together after this, I mean they sort of will but Bones still needs to re-earn her trust; so I hope to write a lot of cute, mushy moments between them, well as mushy as Bones can be. _  
_Also, I will be on a plane from 8 am to 11pm today; six hours collectively I will wait in a terminal for connecting flights. I don't know if it's okay to ask for reviews, but I'd really like to ask for reviews. Getting off the plane at the end of today and checking my email to see I have a lot of reviews would really just make my day (and it's gonna be a crappy day cause I hate flying). So if it's not too much to ask for, could you guys leave a review, even a small one - just for me, please. I'd greatly appreciate it._


	31. after my blood turns into alcohol

_I would first off like to thank all of you, your reviews all meant so much to me. My four hour layover ended up turning into a six hour one, so they really made my day better. Also, I will not be able to put up a chapter a day like I normally do but I will try very hard to get them up as fast as possible. _

_Lil: I will start off by saying thank you for reviewing. I'm not sure if my words had more meaning than I meant, but I didn't mean a lot of that. Bones doesn't have to kill anyone for her, she's forgiven Bones but she doesn't trust him to stay; cause he left last time. That's all I meant, she's just wary he's gonna leave when things get hard again. The thing with Jim and Scotty knowing is that none of them turned their back on her, they were both still there; Bones was the only one who just ditched her cause he didn't want to deal with it. So there's not really much for her to forgive from Jim and Scotty - though she was very irritated that they knew something and wouldn't tell her, but she stopped when Jim told her how bad it was. The thing with her and Scotty is that he brought her out of her shell and made her happier than she'd been in years; there's a part of her that loves him just not romantically. And with Khan, she only sympathized with him losing his crew (except that they were fine) cause she's broken over all her losses so how could she do that to someone else. She's never forgiven him - he killed Pike, she still hates him - and yet she understands it._

_Guest: Thanks so much, I'm so glad you liked it. I love writing them drunk cause that's when the truth comes out. And I'm glad to hear you liked how I did her and Scotty breaking up, cause they both did know it wasn't working and they both knew it spawned from her._

_Bella: thank you very much. They'll be more together later in the year, but definitely when they go on the five year mission. _

_Guest: thank you, I personally cannot stand wishy washy girls in love triangles; so I tried to avoid doing that. You're right, Bones is very hard, and sometimes very fun._

_Lola: thank you, I'm glad you liked it. Lil did have a few valid points but I think they either read in to it more than I had meant, or I wrote it wrong. So I hoped I had cleared up what I had intended, but who knows. I'm glad to hear you get that she's forgiven Bones - cause she has, she understands why he did it. It's just that it hurt, and no matter how understanding you are you still need time to readjust. And I'm glad you think Scotty is the better man, cause I do too. However, maybe not quite for Ellie. She needs a guy who can handle her when she's, quite frankly, a bitch cause she has her moments. And I don't think Scotty could._

* * *

Bones woke with a blinding headache, one that took him minutes of laying with eyes squinched shut before he could see anything. The first thing he noticed when he opened his eyes was the swell of a breast directly in front of him, then it was the slender stomach beneath his arm, and then it was Ellie's sleeping face when he lifted his head. They were still in their clothes, that was a good thing; but he couldn't for the life of him remember anything after he'd laid on the bed.

He moved off of her, falling onto his back as the world turned on its side, and she rolled onto her belly burying her head in the pillow. _Tequila and Vodka,_ he thought to himself, _what a terrible idea._ He couldn't deny that it worked; he'd wanted to drink enough that he blacked out and he certainly had, he hadn't expected Ellie to be there though – not that he was complaining.

"I can't move," Ellie mumbled in the pillow, so soft he shouldn't have heard her.

"Don't talk so loud," he complained, every sound grating on his brain. After a while of laying there, to which they had both fallen asleep again, Bones slung his legs off the bed reluctantly and headed for the bathroom.

He didn't do much in the shower besides stand under the spray, and it wasn't much long after that he heard Ellie at the sink brushing her teeth before she left again.

"Bones you've been in there 45 minutes," she yelled from the room. "Get out or I'm coming in."

"Come on," he called knowing she wouldn't, which was why he was taken completely by surprise when she pulled back the shower curtain and stepped in. "The hell are you doing?" he demanded grumpily, though he took in the sight of her unclothed body with pleasure.

She looked up at him with irritable eyes. "You drooled all over me," she answered pushing him out of the way of the spray, forcing him behind her.

He took his eyes from her well rounded behind to look at the back of her head embarrassed. "You were wearing a shirt," he offered lamely.

She looked at him over her shoulder. "It's in my hair," she said before turning back, resisting the urge to look down though it wasn't easy on her part. She stood under the water letting her hair get wet, feeling his eyes on her. Her heart lept when she felt him at her back, his arms wrapping around her middle to hold her against him. "What are you doing?" she asked though in truth she didn't care.

"I'm cold," he answered, enjoying being pressed against her far too much to say anything else. His hands roamed her body, his fingers pressing into her skin – kneading her – his mouth against her neck. "I was a coward," he mumbled against her throat, her head fallen back on his shoulder, "to ever think I could walk away from you."

She turned her head to look at him, it not crossing her mind that they may still be drunk and should stop, there was nothing going through her head other than he was naked pressed against her. The wall was cold against her back, her legs wrapped around his waist. She hated to admit it but she'd missed him, just as he'd missed her; it was too late for them both, they were addicted.

Jim found them four hours later after he was discharged laying in the bed with the sheets barely covering them. "You've gotta be kidding me," he muttered, caught between wanting to get Bones away from his cousin, punching Bones for sleeping with Ellie in the first, wanting to shake some sense into Ellie, and glad to see that Ellie and Bones had obviously talked things over. At least until he saw the alcohol, then he was left groaning internally because that meant things between her and Bones would now be awkward. "I can't win," he grumbled throwing up his hands and leaving the room. "Hey," he said when he saw the maid down the hall. "I'm gonna need new sheets."

…

Bones woke to empty arms and an even emptier bed. He sat up to see Ellie on the edge of the bed taking a swig from the bottle. "Give me that," he said snatching the bottle from her. "You're gonna hurt yourself."

"Kinda the point," she mumbled.

He held the bottle in his looking down at her, seeing she was upset and not exactly knowing why. "You regret it," he said knowing that much.

"It hasn't even been 24 hours," she said looking up at him, guilt shining in her eyes. "What kind of person does that?"

He sighed putting the bottle on the night table and sitting beside her. "For starters we were drunk," he offered not sure what she wanted to hear, though a look at her face told him that wasn't it. "I don't regret it, Ellie," he told her almost sternly, not happy with the way she was acting.

Ellie turned her eyes up to the ceiling. "I don't either," she admitted softly.

"Then what the hell is it?" he asked frustrated as he got to his feet.

"I wasn't," she started but stopped as she thought of an adequate word, "ready."

He stared down at her almost offended. "You weren't ready for what?" he asked, a warning in his voice that told her she was treading on his anger. The longer he stared at her the more clear her answer became. "You haven't forgiven me," he said at last, giving a short laugh. "Of course you don't." He ran a hand over his face, having thought she had.

"That's not," she started but he interrupted her.

"Then what is?" he demanded crossly.

"You left," she said exasperated, not understand what he was so upset over; having never indicated she hadn't forgiven him. "It got hard and you ran away."

He stood still as he stared down at her, surprised at why she was hesitating.

"I get why you did it," she told him looking up at him. "I would've done the same thing. But I wouldn't have come back."

"No you wouldn't," he agreed softly coming to sit by her again. "So now what?" he asked looking at her.

She looked at him seriously, her eyes heavy and pleading. "Prove that you're gonna stay," she told him quietly.

He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to his chest. "I won't leave you again," he swore as he held her. He swore it to himself as well because she was right, when things got hard he ran away; but he wouldn't this time.


	32. no, I just wanna hold you

_Lola: Thank you very much, I'm glad you liked it. _

_Sorry this took a couple of days, I wanted to get it done yesterday but that obviously didn't happen. Thanks for your patience, your reviews mean so much to me._

* * *

Jim had been right, things were awkward between Ellie and Bones; only not as he had thought. It had taken a few weeks for them to realize it – they were both so busy as doctors they hardly saw each other for the first few weeks – and by then they had almost given up hope for being together.

The first time Bones saw Ellie again after he dropped her off at her room was three days later; in all honesty Ellie was keeping herself as busy as she could so she wouldn't see him. But that was difficult when she and Bones often worked together at the hospital; especially when they had been scheduled to perform surgery on a patient.

"Bones," Ellie said surprised when she walked into the operating room; she had been trying to solve a woman's illness but had come up with nothing, now Dr. Sullivan had requested she be the head surgeon on removing her brother's tumor.

"Ellie," he greeted though he was just as surprised – he knew she was avoiding him, and he was almost relieved. He didn't like seeing the uncertainty in her eyes, it flooded him with guilt to know she thought he would leave again; but that was the thing, he didn't want to leave her but not even he was sure he would stay if things became hard again.

She was glad he could only see her eyes, her scrub cap and surgical mask covering everything else; she could feel that the corners of her mouth were upturned, something she could no longer control. She moved to where Dr. Sullivan's brother was lying unconscious on the table, Bones moving to stand on his other side; both of them losing all train of thought the moment they brushed against each other.

Her eyes were wide as she stared up at him, her heart racing and her breathing was shallow, much like his though he moved quickly to stand on the other side of the table – which went past his waist – to hide the arousal he was trying to will away.

Ellie stood in position looking down at her patient, trying to remember what it was she was supposed to do; but all she could think of was the feel of Bones against her, realizing she wanted his hands on her. She tried to slow her breathing, taking several deep breaths to try to calm herself. "Scalpel," she ordered when she finally cleared her head enough to know what to do next for her patient.

…

Ellie returned to her room after the five hour surgery, her legs aching from standing for so long. She collapsed on her bed, her feet almost audibly sighing; until a knock sounded on the door. She growled out a sigh before standing and going to the door. "Bones," she said shocked that he was there.

"Hey," he grumbled before moving past her and laying himself out on the bed.

She looked down at where he lay before sighing and laying beside him, his arm pressed against hers. "Why are you here?" she asked softly.

"We need to talk," he mumbled into the mattress.

Ellie turned her head to look at him, his face pressed into the bed – he was as tired as she was. "We can't work together," Ellie said and Bones mumbled his agreement. "Until we can figure out how to be normal around each other we shouldn't work together."

"mmhmm," he hummed in agreement, having been thinking the same thing.

Ellie looked at him thinking, _seriously?_ "Do you know what you did to me?" she demanded.

He finally turned on his side to face her, waiting to hear how their brief contact had effected her; still not understanding why it had effected him like it had.

"I almost forgot why I was doing surgery on him," she explained irritably, though not at him. "Like I couldn't remember what I was supposed to be doing."

Bones' brows rose, surprised only that small brush against him had made her overactive mind shut off for a moment. "Really?" he asked, smirking when she turned away. "Do you know what you did to me?"

Ellie turned to him not thinking it could have been worse than her, thinking herself so weak for having not been able to think of what to do – all because of a boy. "Well?" she asked impatiently, waiting for him to answer.

His only answer was to brush the hair out of her face, stroking her cheek with his fingertips. She stared at him, feeling the same thing she had felt in the operating room – a heat flooding through her body. Something pooled in her stomach when the tips of his fingers ran across her lips, and she knew exactly what she had done to him in the ER. Before she could stop herself she let out a snort and covered her mouth to stop the onslaught of laughter though it did nothing. Bones gave her a hard look before he began laughing too, and they were left laying side by side laughing.

"We can't work together," he said as their chuckling died down. "At least not yet," he said turning to her and running a finger along her cheek.

She rolled on her side to face him. "Do you ever think we'll be okay again?" she asked.

"I think we will," he answered honestly, pulling her closer to him. "We just need a little time."

_A week later_

Both Ellie and Bones had been incredibly busy; one day a bus accident with twenty seven people needed help, another a ceiling collapse, and others previous patients. This was the first day Bones had seen Ellie except at night – though they were both too tired to do more than sleep curled together – and he walked to where she stood filling out papers.

"Hey," he greeted capturing her attention.

"Hey," she said looking up at him. "What are you doing?" she asked wondering if he had a moment to talk, though in truth she didn't have a minute either.

"I was about to see a patient," he answered reluctantly, wanting to stay more than a minute. "What about you?"

"The same," she answered. "Though I have to inform him his disease has spread too far and surgery is now off the table."

Bones looked down at her in sympathy, having had his own patients much like hers. He touched her arm gently, though they were both glaringly aware of the many people around them and so it didn't offer her – nor him – any comfort, instead it was _un_comfortable and awkward.

"Well I should go," he said dropping his hand.

"Yeah," she agreed feeling eyes on her, though in truth no one was paying them any mind.

When one of them hadn't left before the other they would give a kiss goodbye, something they were both completely at ease with. That, however, was not true at the moment. He bent to kiss her but then decided not to, he moved to hug her but he didn't feel that was right either; and all the while Ellie stood there uncomfortable and unsure. "Don't touch me," she said softly.

"Okay," Bones said in agreement completely relieved before he left.

He went to her room later that night to find her curled on her side fast asleep. He kicked his shoes off before laying beside her and staring at her. There was a peace on her face when she slept that was rarely present when she was awake; she always looked slightly unhappy but here her brow was smoothed of all worry and anger. Her naturally downturned lips were slightly parted, her blonde hair curled on the pillow behind her. This was the woman he loved.

_Two weeks later_

Ellie was almost ready to give up, thinking she and Bones had made a horrible mistake. It had been three weeks since she and Scotty had broken things off, three weeks of complete and utter awkwardness between her and the guy she loved instead. And she was left, as she had been lately, wondering if she had made a mistake; and as he always did, Bones threw those worries aside the moment they were alone together by nothing more than his presence.

"Hey," she said pulling her bag off her shoulder and putting it in the corner of his room.

"Hey," he greeted running a towel over his hair as he came out of the bathroom.

Ellie's eyes trailed down his chest to where his towel hung loosely from his hips and when she looked back at him he was smirking. There was like a switch, she thought as he moved closer to her – the heat from his body from the shower radiating toward her – one that flipped off when they were with other people. But it was on at that moment: there was no awkwardness as he stood in front of her, there was no feeling uncomfortable as he stared down at her with heated eyes. There was only heat, flooding through both of them.

Ellie's uniform – which was the standard white hospital dress, unlike her scrubs – fell in a pile to the floor on top of his towel. Because it was Bones' room, which was usually empty since he was at the hospital most of the time, and was now known to be occupied because Bones had told him; was why Jim didn't bother knocking, he had told Bones he would stop by. He was beyond grateful neither Ellie nor Bones noticed him before he closed the door and walked away, having never wanted to see Ellie like that.

Ellie had told him how awkward things were between her and Bones, but she hadn't mentioned them being fine again; at least fine enough to do what they were doing now. But now Jim knew, and he and Bones needed to talk.


	33. give a litle time to me or burn this out

"Hey," Bones greeted when he saw Jim. "Hey," Bones yelled when Jim grabbed his arm and began pulling him along. "What the hell are you doing?"

"We need to talk," Jim answered shortly, not having much patience; he hadn't had much time in between meetings he and Spock had to attend to talk, but he got Bones' schedule and grabbed him as he was leaving the building he was staying in.

"I have to get to the hospital, can we do this later?" Bones asked crossly as Jim pulled him back into his building.

"No Bones," Jim answered still holding him, "we can't."

"Jim," Bones said refusing, yanking his arm away from his friend. "I have a p-"

"As your captain I am ordering you," Jim said losing all patience.

And that was all it took for Bones to take out his key and walk the rest of the way back to his room. "Alright, what do we need to talk about?" Bones asked when they entered the room, knowing it must be something for Jim to be so serious.

"Ellie," Jim answered. "We need to talk about you and Ellie."

Bones stared at his friend in surprise. "What about us?"

"That," Jim said pointing at Bones. "Are you guys together, are you just screwing around again?" Jim asked needing answers, needing to know Bones wasn't going to just up and leave Ellie in the cold.

Bones looked at Jim not knowing what was bringing this on. "We're working on it," Bones answered slowly.

Jim stared at Bones waiting for more. "As in you're together or you're screwing around?" Jim asked again.

Bones' brows furrowed in irritation. "As in none of your business," Bones told him crossing his arms.

"Actually it is," Jim retorted growing more irritated. "It became my business when I walked in on you between my cousin's legs."

"Oh dear God, Jim," Bones said mortified.

"How the hell do you think I felt?" Jim demanded, trying to look at Bones but finding himself unable to. "So are you guys together or just,"

"We're trying," Bones said interrupting Jim before he could ask for a third time. Bones sighed as he sat on the edge of the bed. "We're together," Bones said nodding. "It's just taking time."

"Yeah, Ellie said things were awkward," Jim said before he sat beside his friend. "Didn't look too awkward a few nights ago."

Bones dropped his hands and turned his head to give Jim a hard look. "It's not weird when we're alone," he explained.

Jim nodded, seeing something was bothering Bones. "It's more effort than you thought it'd be, isn't it?" Jim asked sympathetically, knowing Ellie didn't always make it easy.

Bones chuckled softly as he shook his head. "Yeah," he answered quietly. "But that's mostly my fault."

"How so?" Jim asked though if he had thought about it he would have figured it out himself.

Bones shook his head. "She's worried I'm gonna walk away again," Bones said, "when things get hard."

"She kind of has a right to that," Jim said quietly, not knowing how Bones would take that – knowing Bones had taken the blame and apologized.

"I know she does," Bones said irritably. "And we're trying."

Jim listened as Bones sighed, sitting quietly as he thought. "I shouldn't have told you," Jim said finally, realizing the same thing as he had many times before. "It was too much to put on you."

Bones looked over at Jim. "Was that an apology?" he asked with a quirked brow.

"As much as you're gonna get," Jim said nudging him roughly, both of them fighting half smiles. "But seriously you were an ass," Jim told him, knowing Bones had already realized that.

"I know," Bones said running a hand over his face exasperatedly.

"What are you gonna do now?" Jim asked, wanting nothing more than to demand an answer for having screwed Ellie and then ditched her, but he also knew that Bones was beating himself up over it enough.

Bones looked over at Jim, knowing he would punch him in the face if he said he didn't know; but that wouldn't be the truth, Bones knew exactly what he'd do. "I'm gonna love her, Jim."

"Even though she might die?" Jim asked.

Bones looked at Jim before nodding. "Yeah," he said softly, knowing he was opening himself to being hurt in a way he might not move on from.

Jim turned to Bones, whose eyes were on the floor, seeing that upset him. "Don't mess this up again," Jim said patting Bones' leg before leaving.

Bones looked up as Jim opened the door. "Seriously?" he demanded as Jim left. "You're just, you're just gonna leave after that?" Bones stood appalled shaking his head. "Damn kid," he muttered as he left once more to go to the hospital.

…

That same day was the first day Ellie saw Scotty since they had broken things off. "Hey Scotty," she said softly when she saw him walking by the building she was staying in.

Scotty looked up at her surprised. "Oh hey," he said uncomfortably, shuffling his feet as he waiting for what she would say.

In truth she didn't know, she had no idea what to say to him. "How have you been?" she asked lamely.

"Good," he answered nodding his head, an easy thing to talk about. "Been working on the ship, her engines are coming along beautifully. Shame they had been messed with in the first place."

Ellie did her best to look as though that was good news and she cared – listening to him talk about mechanics had always put her to sleep.

"Sorry," he said when he saw her face, "I know it always bored you."

"No," she said quickly, "well I mean yeah it did. But that's not um," she said stumbling over her words as she brushed her hair out of her face, thinking of what to say. "I've missed it," she said at last.

"Oh," Scotty said with a small smile, his eyes on his feet.

Ellie stood looking at him as he kept his eyes downcast, nearly feeling the silence settling around them.

"Well I should go," he said quickly, giving her a small half smile and a nod before he turned on his heel.

…

"And that's all he said?" Bones asked as they sat at a table in the lounge eating a quick lunch.

"Yeah," Ellie sighed slouching in her chair. "I guess I shouldn't be surprised."

Bones swallowed a bite of his sandwich as he watched her push what was left of her salad around the tray. "Weren't you friends before?" he asked after taking another bite. "You know, before you guys got together?" He still didn't like the thought of them together, even though Ellie had told him her and Scotty had never slept together – she was also quick to tell him that even if it was his business, which she told him it wasn't, he had no right to be upset if they had.

She put her fork down giving up on her salad. "Yeah well, kinda screwed that up didn't I?" she asked rhetorically as she took a swig of her water.

"Isn't he the one that ended it?" Bones asked with a raised brow, not seeing how she was at fault.

"Yeah cause I loved another guy," she said grumpily. It not registering what she had just admitted.

It registered for Bones, and he sat across from her staring at her with his eyes widened. "Is that so?" he asked nonchalantly, knowing she'd kick him if he pushed her too soon.

She turned her eyes to him and saw it plain on his face, and she was left sitting not knowing what to do. "Yeah," she said difficultly. "Whatever."

Bones continued staring at her, seeing she wasn't looking at him purposefully. "Yeah," Bones agreed. "You love me," he said raising his sandwich to his mouth, "whatever."

Ellie looked at him furrowed brows, surprised he was letting it go so easily. "Stop smiling," she said though she could feel one threatening her own lips.

"I'm not," Bones said with a full mouth. "This is just a really good sandwich." And even then he couldn't stop, because she loved him.

Ellie grit her teeth to keep her lips in a straight line, and she grabbed her plastic fork and threw it at him making him laugh. And then she was left sitting in her chair with her mouth pressed against her knuckles as she rested her head on her hand, her lips turned up in a smile. Because she loved him.

* * *

_So next chapter should be the last before the five year mission, which will get back to more action. However, I haven't watched the show or the movies that went over what happened in the original timeline star trek, so next chapter will be my last for a while; probably like a month. However next chapter should have lots of lovey moments between her and Bones - cause she finally said she loved him (when they weren't too drunk to remember). So please leave lots of reviews for me, cause they really do make my day._


	34. we'll play hide&seek to turn this around

_Lola: thanks. I really liked writing that last scene too, cause it's the first time she actually said aloud (not drunk) that she loved Bones. I don't know what I'm gonna do without Bones and Ellie for a month either, especially now that they are together. But I'm really glad to know you like them. Thanks so much for all your reviews.  
_

_Danielle: It wasn't just that Bones walked away, it's that he didn't care enough to stay (which it turned out he did). In an actual relationship something like that wouldn't just be forgiven or gotten over. It would take time, and it would need to be talked about - and addressed cause your right, it would loom over the whole relationship and destroy it. And it hasn't been in every scene, unless I actually say something about Bones leaving being the reason then that's not what I mean. The awkwardness between Ellie and Bones isn't because of that; it's because they don't know how to be couple. Which even Bones stated that they're fine when it's just them; and he's right, they've just never been together publically. And chapter 32 to this one is the progression of them becoming comfortable being a couple. And that has nothing to do with Bones leaving her, it has everything to do with their personalities.  
And Bones' leaving hasn't been brought as much as you said; it's only been in the last few chapters, and I've only brought it up when it was relevant. Scotty was the first and that was to get Bones to realize he needed to apologize. Ellie said she understood why Bones did it and she forgave him, but she was scared he would do it again (and that's both natural and realistic). And in the previous chapter (chapter 32) it wasn't mentioned at all. And it's not in this chapter either. And then Jim - which was because he walked in on Bones screwing Ellie, not Bones leaving her - and Jim didn't bring it up he only thought about it. Bones is the one that mentioned it (in passing) and that was my way of having Jim apologize for telling Bones and ruining Bones and Ellie's relationship in the beginning. But my main purpose for bringing it up in the past few chapters was to bring closure to what had happened (again, that is what happens in real relationships), and now that I have it I'm not gonna mention Bones leaving again cause it's now in the past.  
And after Khan there have been plenty of moments when Ellie was irritated with Bones and she never even thought of throwing Bones leaving in his face - and I can honestly say she won't ever; cause again, she forgave him and it's now in the past. That was my only purpose for the last few chapters, to show the natural progression of a relationship; and that takes time, and it takes talking about past mistakes.  
_

* * *

**_One month later_**

"Hey Scotty," Ellie called when she saw him walking past her building, having returned from her shift.

Scotty turned at the sound of her voice, and Keenser – who had been walking at his side – stopped as well. "Ellie," Scotty greeted. "I should go," he said quickly before turning away from her and walking quickly away.

Ellie's shoulders dropped as she turned away from their retreating figures, seeing even Keenser was no longer friends with her as he too turned without a word. She was surprised by a pair of small arms wrapping around her waist from behind before they were gone, and she looked back to see Keenser rushing after Scotty; something that gave her a little bit of hope.

"I see Keenser is as in awe of you as ever," she heard a voice behind her say.

Ellie turned with hard eyes that softened the moment she saw his face. "This is why I'm not nice to people," she told him, knowing Scotty and Bones had been friends. "Nothing good ever comes from it."

Bones nodded along with her as he pulled her into his arms, resting his head on top of hers. "I love you," he said in her hair. "That's not so bad."

Ellie sighed as she stood wrapped in his arms. "I guess not."

"It's good enough for you to love me too," he said with a smile, enjoying being able to say that.

All amusement was wiped from her face as she looked up at him. "I wanna punch your face," she told him making him chuckle.

"I'm not gonna stop saying that," he informed her with a smile.

"Why not?"

"Cause I love you woman," was his answer.

She smiled in spite of herself, laying her head back on his chest. "It's good enough for me to love you too," she said softly.

_**Two months later**_

"Thanks," Ellie said taking the coffee from the hand that offered it, turning to face Bones. "Hi," she greeted surprised when she saw it was Scotty rather than Bones as she had thought.

"Hi," Scotty said just as lamely, as much at a loss for words as she was.

Ellie took a sip from the cup to find that it was peppermint hot chocolate; the drink her mother had always made, making it Ellie's favorite. "What's this for?" Ellie asked, wondering why Scotty had come all the way to the hospital to give her her favorite drink.

Scotty tried not to shuffle his feet awkwardly. "A peace offering," he said quietly, shrugging uncomfortably. He looked at Ellie to see her mouth quivering as she tried not to smile.

"Thank you," she said kindly, wholly touched by his gesture. Scotty smiled at her, the same familiar warm smile she so loved. They were left standing near each other awkwardly not speaking. "I'm sorry," she blurted out, not knowing what else to say; and still finding that she felt guilty.

"No," Scotty said shaking his head, having not thought Ellie was still blaming herself. "Tell me you don't love him," Scotty said looking at her seriously.

Ellie opened her mouth but the only answer she had was that she loved Bones.

Scotty saw the answer without her having to say anything. "This isn't your fault, Ellie."

"Then why does it feel like it is?" she asked looking at him hopelessly.

Scotty gave her small smile. "Because you're you," he answered. "Ellie," he sighed cupping her cheek.

"Hey," Bones greeted as he walked up to the two. Entirely unhappy with the way Scotty was looking at her.

"McCoy," Scotty said dropping his hand and turning to Bones. "I should go," he said looking back to Ellie and nodding his goodbye before he walked away.

"What's that?" Bones asked looking down at Ellie's coffee cup.

Ellie looked up at him, not having it in her to be angry. "A peace offering," she answered seeing a surprised half smile spread on his face.

"That's good right?" he asked, showing he was being a better man by supporting Ellie and Scotty's friendship – or at least their attempt at one.

Ellie shrugged. "I think so," she said in return.

Bones placed a hand on her arm, a touch that no longer made either of feel awkward. "Good," he said assuringly. "I have to go and I'm guessing you do too."

"Yeah," Ellie agreed raising her head as he bent to kiss her cheek.

"I love you," he said lowly in her ear making her smile.

"MmHmm," she hummed as he pulled away.

He smiled at her upturned lips. "You love me too," he told her and her smile grew.

"MmHmm," she hummed again, releasing a small laugh as she shook her head. "I'll see you later," she called over her shoulder as she walked in the direction of her patient's room.

**_three months later_**

Ellie saw Bones standing at the nurse's station speaking with one of the nurses. Ellie walked over to him hearing; "she can't find out," and then seeing the nurse walk away.

"Can't find out what?" she asked surprising him that she'd heard; it hadn't even crossed her mind that he'd cheat on her, in all honestly she was just suspiciously curious.

Bones looks down at her almost guiltily, but there was determination in his eyes as well. "Nothing," he answered simply.

Warning signs blared in her mind. "Really?" she asked suspiciously, now knowing he'd done something. He grabbed his padd and turned to her ready to leave. "Is that my padd?" she asked seeing the scratch on the back of it from when Jim had dropped it.

Bones looked down at it seeing the same scratch and knowing he was caught. "No," he said shrugging, lying anyways.

Ellie's brow arched as she stared at him. "Have we gotten married and decided to become the Davis'?" she asked shocking him speechless. "Then that's my padd," she said pulling on it so he'd let go.

He finally did though he was reluctant. He watched her flip through the patient files until she landed on one in specific.

"Why is Mrs. Edwards still on here?" she asked looking up at him. "She should have been removed from my padd when she was discharged. Which I scheduled to be," she said before looking at her watch, "forty-seven minutes ago."

Bones stared down at her. "That's odd," he responded incredibly unconvincingly.

"Hmm," Ellie hummed nodding before she looked back at her padd.

"Ow," Bones cried more out of surprise than pain when Ellie hit him with her padd.

"Why did you revoke my discharge?" she asked as he rubbed his arm.

He looked down at her with irritated furrowed brows. "Because you didn't try everything," he answered.

Ellie's own brows furrowed. "I offered surgery and she said no," Ellie told him.

Bones shrugged. "Well maybe she liked me better," he suggested and then regretted it.

"Oh really?" Ellie asked him offended. "Fine then," she said putting her hands up in a show of surrender, "do what you like."

"Really?" Bones asked now suspicious, not knowing her to give up so easily – especially not after he'd unintentionally insulted her.

"Yeah," Ellie said nodding. "You keep that," she said handing him her padd, "and I'm gonna go to lunch." She turned around and began walking.

"We were supposed to go to lunch together," he called after her, having wanted to go with her.

Ellie turned around with amusement in her eyes. "You have a patient," she said innocently knowing he wanted to go with her to their favorite diner. "I'll bring you back a milkshake," she offered at seeing his dejected face. She turned back around and said over her shoulder; "Strawberry right?"

"Vanilla," Bones called after her, Ellie knowing he hated strawberry. He watched as she left chuckling, having wanted a burger and fries with his milkshake, before he looked back down at Ellie's padd.

Ellie returned to the hospital an hour and a half later and found Bones in the lounge with a pen and paper and her pad. "Here," she said putting his shake down in front of him before taking the seat across from him.

Bones looked up from his research and grabbed the cup taking a tentative sip; not putting it past Ellie to bring him something she knew he didn't like, not when he'd upset her. At least until vanilla settled on his tastebuds.

Ellie sat back contentedly when she saw pleasure fill his face from his milkshake. She let him savor it a moment longer before she threw the brown bag on the table, sitting back almost smugly.

Bones looked at the bag curiously before he opened it to find she had brought him a burger and fries like she knew he had wanted. He looked up at her touched by her gesture; it was a kind one – a loving one.

She grabbed a fry and sat back before putting it in her mouth and taking a sip of her own milkshake. "So what are planning for Mrs. Edwards?" she asked feigning uncaring.

Bones swallowed the bite of his burger before answering. "I don't really wanna talk about that," he answered before taking another bite.

"Then what do you wanna talk about," she asked looking at him.

He could see the fondness in her eyes as she looked at him and he smiled. "I kind of want to talk about how much you love me," he answered.

"Oh?" she asked with a small laugh. "And how much do I love you?"

"Enough to bring me the lunch I wanted even though I stole your patient who likes me better," he said before grabbing his shake.

Ellie looked at Bones, her straw in her mouth and vanilla on her tongue. "I guess I love you a lot then," she responded making him smile.

"I guess so," he said in return.  
"Where are you going?" he asked when Ellie stood a few minutes later.

"To get your padd since you stole mine," she answered making for the door.

"Do you know my password?" he asked knowing she couldn't get his files without it.

"You changed it to my birthday," she said over her shoulder, smiling at him. "Wanna talk about how much you love me?"

Bones smiled as he looked after her, taking a bite of his burger. He loved her a lot.

_**A month later** _

Bones went to Ellie's room after he finished his shift to find her sitting on the bed with her padd in hand and a notebook on her lap.

"What are you still working on?" he asked laying beside her.

"A man's brain tumor that I'm gonna remove," she answered writing something.

Bones looked at her padd to see the scan of the brain. "Is that a tumor on his brain stem?" he asked wondering why she would operate – this was normally when they would send him home, what with the size of the tumor and the placing of it.

"Yup," she answered distractedly. "And I'm gonna remove it."

"And how do you plan on doing that?" he asked curiously.

Ellie looked over at him. "I have no idea," she answered honestly. "But I will, and he's gonna live, and I'm gonna get an award for this," she said confidently, an idea half formed in her mind already.

"Yeah?" Bones asked almost crossly as he looked at her with hard eyes.

She looked down at where he was laying, feeling the heat in his eyes before rolling her own as she sighed. "His name is Andrew Tucker aged thirty-seven. His wife is Sophie Tucker formerly Sophie Harper. They have two children; Amelia and Peter," she told him with her eyes to the ceiling. "There," she said looking back at him, "is that human enough?"

Bones looked at her, knowing her enough to realize there was more. "There's a sister," he said knowing that was it; Ellie had been having a hard time dealing with siblings as of late. One time there was a set of cousins, much like Ellie and Jim, with the man having a heart condition. Ellie had done all she could to save him but it had been Bones who informed the woman her cousin had died; Ellie had been upset for a week over them.

"Her name's Linda," Ellie answered softly as she wrote something. "I'm gonna save him," she said firmly after a few moments.

"I know you are," Bones said confidently, knowing Ellie would do all she could – even if she wasn't always so human about it. "What do you have so far?" he asked looking at her paper.

"You gonna help me?" she asked looking over at him as he sat up.

"You gonna put my name with yours?" he asked looking over at her as well, bringing their faces only inches from each other.

Ellie looked at him as though she would refuse and then questioning filled her face, and then she sighed. "Fine," she answered making the corner of his mouth tilt up. "What if they name a method after us?" she asked him excitedly.

"That would take a number of patients with us doing this exact same surgery. These aren't common tumors," he told her though he was fancying the idea himself.

"You're thinking about it," she said nudging him. "The Davis-McCoy method," she said dreamily. "How amazing would that be?"

"Your name comes first?" he questioned.

She looked over at him surprised. "Of course," she answered and saw his brow raise. "You know, ladies first," she said lamely and his brow rose higher. "Alphabetical order," she offered and his other brow rose as well. "Are you really gonna make me say it?" she asked when he continued to stare at her.

"What?" he asked innocently. "That you're the better surgeon?"

She looked at him to see him smiling. "Are you gonna answer me?" she asked when all he did was look at her. His only answer was to lean forward and capture her mouth, sliding himself on top of her.

"I don't need my name on it," he mumbled against her mouth. "This," he said spreading her legs around him and pulling her hips flush against his, "is all I need."

Ellie pursed her lips as she tried not to smile, her skin buzzing as he kissed along her jaw. "What if I want your name on it?" she asked breathlessly.

"Then that would mean everything to me," he answered staring down at her. "I like the Davis-McCoy method," he told her rolling his hips, seeing her eyes darken. He smiled before kissing her again.

Ellie shoved her padd away from her, forgetting about it completely – that in and of itself meant everything. She didn't love many things more than being a surgeon, but she had just proved that McCoy was one of the few.

* * *

_So this is it before the five year mission, next chapter will be the start of that. Which again, will probably take about a month cause that's when I'll be able to start watching the original Star Trek. So thank you all so much for reading and reviewing, and I hope to see you all soon in a month. Please leave some reviews so I'm sure to come back to this story. _


	35. letter to readers

Hello all,

I just got back from vacation yesterday, and my flights were awful. But, I'm looking into star trek episodes. And I've encountered a problem; there's a lot of them. And I can't do an episode a chapter cause there's just so much that happens in each episode. And there's too many episodes for me to do them all. So here is where I need your help. I will do the episodes that you guys want to see. So leave a review with the name of an episode (or as many as you like just not all of them), and I'll do them in the order they happened in the series.

Also, I'm thinking of doing a little side story about what if Ellie had met John Harrison before the events of Into Darkness. It probably would not be very long, but it would be more than a one shot. And it would be Ellie x Khan. So if you're interested in that please let me know.


	36. all I want is the taste your lips allow

_Guest: thank you very much for reviewing. The title of the khan story is at the end of this chapter._

* * *

_Captain's log. Our position, orbiting Psi 2000. An ancient world, now a frozen wasteland about to rip apart in its death throes. Our mission: pick up a scientific party below; observe the disintegration of the planet. _

Bones left the bridge and found Ellie sitting with her feet propped on her desk, flipping through something on her padd. "What are you doing?" he asked sitting on the edge beside her feet.

"Nothing," she answered, her eyes still on her padd. "I am literally doing," she looked up at him, swiping her finger across the screen, "nothing."

It was a simple scientific mission, there truly was nothing for them to do. Their last mission had started with telekinetic powers and ended with two dead officers, one of whom Jim had to kill himself. So to say they were grateful for the moment of reprieve was not a strong enough statement.

Which left them both with not much to do; at least for the time being. "Well," he said placing his hand on her leg and looking at her heavily, "I can think of a few things we can do."

Her brows rose. "Oh really?" she asked softly turning her padd off and putting it on the desk. "I thought you said we had to be professional when we were working."

That was true, he had said that. Only they hadn't slept together in almost a month and now was about as perfect a time as they were going to get. "Well you see, you're not doing anything," he said lowly, a smile curling on his lips, "and I'm not doing anything."

"What is it you have in mind?" she asked, biting her lip.

He hated when she did that – it made him want to kiss her, and she knew it. "Oh darlin' I have a lot of things in mind," he told her. "In which will you won't be wearing a damn thing."

Heat spread through her and she smiled. "Your room or mine?"

"Which one's closer?"

…

"You have got to be kiddin' me," Bones nearly growled at Jim through the communicator.

Ellie looked at Bones to see him scowling as he listened to whatever Jim was saying.

"Yeah alright, I'm coming. I'll bring her with me," he said before snapping his communicator closed. He groaned laying his head on her chest, wanting nothing more than to disregard his orders; Bones had riled them up to the point they were desperate for each other, and now they couldn't finish.

They reluctantly got out of the bed and into their clothes, morosely returning to their posts in the medical wing. Ellie lowered junior lieutenant Tormolen on the examination table and Bones looked over the readings.

"You're fine Joe," Bones told him, "up and out of there."

She raised the table for Joe to step off and Spock took his place. "Elenore," he greeted with a nod.

"Mr. Spock," she said blandly, not happy to be in the examination room anymore than Bones was, before lowering him to be examined.

Bones met her eye briefly before looking to the readings. "Your pulse is two hundred and forty-two. Your blood pressure is practically non-existent. Assuming you call that green stuff in your veins blood," he mused aloud.

"The readings are perfectly normal for me, Doctor, thank you," Spock said emotionlessly. "And as for my anatomy being different from yours, I am delighted."

Ellie looked between the two before rolling her eyes and pushing the table upright, nearly sprawling Spock on his face from the force. No matter how many times she told Bones to be nice he never was, and Spock didn't make it easy. She didn't look at either one of them before leaving, raising her chin for Jim to kiss her cheek before making her way back to her desk.

It was less than an hour later that the intercom beeped, the message saying; "Attention. Engine room on standby alert. All duty personnel to the bridge, acknowledge."

She barely looked up from her padd, not thinking they were in any danger – why would she, it was a dead planet? What harm could possibly come from it?

Only a few minutes later the intercom beeped again. "Emergency!" the voice said breathing heavily. "Wreck room area 39, we need medics."

Ellie was on her feet immediately. "Nurse Chapel, Dr. Wyatt," she called. "Take a stretcher."

Dr. Wyatt called her moments after they arrived, about the same time Bones made it to the medical wing. "He stabbed himself in the abdomen with a knife," she told Bones bewildered.

"Why on earth would he do that?" Bones asked rhetorically.

Even if he had been looking for an answer Ellie didn't have one, at least not of a sane man. "It seems a simple surgery, I should be done in no more than two hours," she said when she heard the commotion of Tormolen being brought in.

"You can take the next one," Bones told her, wanting to get his mind on something other than her.

"You're joking right?" she asked, her brows furrowed. "He's joking right," she said looking to the nurse next to her, who shrugged almost frightened of Ellie's hard eyes. She looked back to Bones to see him watching the door, and she shook her head. "Unbelievable."

Dr. Wyatt and Nurse Chapel wheeled Tormolen in, who was still putting up a fight though it was worn out by the drugs. "We don't belong here," he said loudly, grabbing Ellie's hand when he was wheeled past, looking at her with crazed eyes.

"Put him under," Bones said and Ellie pulled her hand out of the young man's, wiping his sweat off on the skirt of her dress.

_Why are his hands so sweaty_?" she thought as she watched Bones and the patient disappear behind a door. They had been nearly drenched in sweat, and they shouldn't have been. She pondered over that as she sat back at her desk, to once again do nothing.

The surgery was even simpler than she'd assumed, and Bones was done and closing not even an hour later. Ellie was at her desk filling out paperwork, absentmindedly wiping her hands on her skirt. It was a minute longer of doing this before she realized how many times she wiping her hands off – and it startled her. Her hands were sweaty.

* * *

_For those of you who haven't watched the episode; the disease is passed through sweat. So that's not good for Ellie. She's not really going to be part of the rest of the story, and that might be the case for a few episodes I do - in that she's there for part and then not for others. So I won't be doing entire episodes, just the parts she's in. _

_Also, I started my KhanxEllie story and it's called Kill Me I'm a Monster. I decided to try something and do it in first person. The events leading up to Into Darkness are the same, just that Ellie meets Khan before the movie is different (also there's no Scotty and her romance). _


	37. my my my give me love my my my

_So this was a more humorous chapter and I really hope I caught that in my writing; cause it was hilarious in my head. I'm thinking depending on the episodes I do there will be more or less action in them. I hope you guys are still enjoying it, the number of reviews have decreased so I don't really know. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoy._

* * *

"Ellie," Bones said when he saw her sitting at her desk, seeing her wipe her hands on her skirt. "I just spoke with the captain about Joe. You're never gonna guess what happened in surgery," he said still stumped as to why Joe had just given up and died.

"Don't touch me," she said jerking herself away from his hand, which he was about to put on her shoulder.

He pulled his hand back slowly. "The hell is your problem?" he asked, not thinking she would've been so mad he'd stolen a surgery.

She wiped her hands on her skirt again, hating that they were so sweaty; making it so she nearly wanted to scream she was so frustrated. "His hands were sweaty when he grabbed me," she said looking up at him.

He looked down at her confused; her brows had been furrowed when she first looked at him, but it seemed all worry left her face the moment she saw him. His confusion grew even more when he saw the corners of her mouth tilt up.

"What happened in surgery?" she asked, smiling seductively at him.

He smiled warily at her, knowing her enough to know something was wrong. "Joe died. I was finishing up and he just, died," Bones said as he thought, still trying to figure it out.

"That's too bad," Ellie cooed, standing and running her hands up his chest.

Bones looked at her startled. "What are you do-" he was cut off when she grabbed his shirt and pulled him forward, crushing his lips onto hers. "Ellie," he mumbled against her mouth, trying to push her away. She instead stepped forward, pushing him back and he was forced to sit on the edge of her desk trying to pull her hands off his shirt. "Ellie," he tried again, and she used the chance to slip her tongue in his mouth.

All other protests were muffled beneath her tongue and his eyes closed of their own accord. He had a hard time remembering anything when she placed a leg on either side of him and straddled his waist, feeling her rub against him agonizingly as she continued to kiss him. She dug her nails into his chest, clenching his shirt in her fists, slowly rolling her hips making him nearly groan.

"Dr. McCoy, Sulu is being brought to sickbay. He seems to be effected as -" Nurse Chapel stopped talking when she finally looked up to see Dr. Davis straddling Dr. McCoy's waist, seeing the shining of their tongues. "What in the world is going on?" she asked loudly, other nurses and doctors staring at the two in shock as well.

Bones turned to Nurse Chapel when Ellie did, grabbing her hips and pulling her off of him as he stood. "Sulu's showing symptoms?" he asked as he moved away from Ellie, shaking himself of the desire she'd stirred in him.

"Yes," Nurse Chapel said, staring between the two shocked. "As well as Lieutenant Kevin Riley. He just told me I had beautiful eyes."

Bones nodded before whipping around at Ellie, feeling her hands on his butt. "Stop that," he told her sharply. His eyes widened when she did no more than smile and bite her lip, looking at him with hot eyes. He turned to Nurse Chapel to see she was just as baffled as him. "Get restraints," he mouthed and she nodded before quickly walking away. "Oh dear God," he said when he felt her hands on his hips, trailing to his crotch.

He grabbed her wrists and pushed her away turning to her appalled. "If you do that again," he warned.

"Dr. McCoy," Carol said walking to him. "Sulu's here. Do you have any idea what this is?" she asked, looking curiously between McCoy who was staring shocked at Ellie and then Ellie who was looking up at him flirtatiously.

"I do not," Bones answered looking at her. "But Ellie has it."

"Really?" Carol asked looking to Ellie. "Are you sure."

Bones gave her a hard look. "Yes," he said crossly. "I am completely sure," he said the last part through grit teeth as he grabbed Ellie's wrist against, feeling it on his hip. "Cut it out," he growled though she did not more than smile, and then he turned to the men holding an unconscious and bare chested Sulu. "Put him on an examination table and restrain him." He grabbed Ellie's other wrist feeling it between his legs and he thrust her off of him. "I'm gonna knock her out," he said to Carol.

She smiled sympathetically at him before turning to Ellie. "Elenore," she said soothingly waiting for Ellie to look at her. "Perhaps you would like to sit dow- oh."

Bones stared wide eyed as Ellie kissed Carol, seeing her tongue was in the other woman's mouth. He pulled Ellie's hands from around Carol's back and he threw her in in her chair. "Sit," he ordered and she looked at him questioningly. "No," he told her firmly when she made to stand, "sit down."

She sighed grievously before leaning back, moving her legs so her skirt rode up. "Now what?" she asked, her voice dripping with lust.

Bones thought a moment of how to keep her there before Nurse Chapel returned with restraints. "We're gonna try something new," he said taking the cuffs. "Put your hands on the armrests." He snapped a cuff over one wrist and then moved to the second.

"I don't want restraints," she told him indignantly.

He looked at her with wide, irritated eyes. "Do you want me to sleep with you?" he asked gruffly, wanting very much to just sedate her.

"Yes," she answered with a smile and he sighed.

"Then put your hand on the armrest." He was relieved when she complied and he put the other cuff around her wrist, tying her to the chair.

Carol, who was still wide eyed from shock, watched as Bones grabbed the back of her chair and dragged her into a room.

"Monitor her," he told Dr. Henry Wyatt when the door whooshed closed. "Do _not_ touch her," he warned before turning back to Carol. "I'm entirely sure she has it."

…

Bones didn't see Ellie until after they had escaped the dying planet's gravitational pull – which sent them back in time three days- after they had given the serum to all of the crewmen. It was when they had finished administering the serum, when they both retired thoroughly exhausted that he saw her again – pleased she did not try to jump him the moment she laid eyes on him.

"What all happened?" she asked when they laid down in his bed. "Nurse Chapel said it'd be best if you told me."

He sighed before facing her. "Before or after you tried to screw me on your desk?" he asked.

She turned to him startled, hoping he would start laughing only he didn't. "Did I really?" she asked warily, having a feeling the answer would be yes. She wasn't wrong.

"Mmhm," he hummed. "And you tried to vacuum Carol's tonsil's out." He chuckled lightly when he saw her face, her brows drawn together and mouth opened in shock.

"Oh God," she groaned, "that's mortifying. And entirely not funny," she said when he continued to laugh.

"Oh I'm sorry," he said trying to stop but failing. He pulled her to chest and held her, still chuckling. "Poor woman, you scarred her for life."

"Bones," she said sternly as she sat up to look at him, not seeing the humor in the situation at all.

He smirked at her. "I love you," he said running his hand along her back, watching as her eyes softened slightly. He stroked her hair when she laid her head back on his chest, glad she was okay.


	38. give me love

_So because of changes to the storyline made in the movie, I made some changes to the episode I did which is The Enemy Within. So I replaced what happened to Yaoman Rand and made it Carol Marcus instead, and I hope I don't anger any trekkies by doing so. _

_Lola: thanks for reviewing, and for the suggestion. You're completely right, I do need a new "thing" and I had one planned that I was gonna do a little later but I thought it would probably be best to do it now. Which I greatly thank you for, cause it helped in writing this chapter. _

* * *

_Captain's log, stardate 1672.1. Specimen gathering mission on planet Alpha 177. Unknown to any of us during this time a duplicate of me, some strange alter ego, had been created by the transporter malfunction._

"How are you feeling?" Nurse Christine Chapel asked, returning from the lab with Ellie's blood tests.

Ellie sat in a chair resting her aching head on her hand. "The nausea's gone," she answered.

"Not the migraine?" Christine asked and Ellie shook her head. "Well I'm afraid your blood results don't offer an explanation, you're clean."

Ellie sighed, holding a hand over her eyes to shield them from the painful stabbing of the bright lights. "I didn't think they would," she told the nurse honestly. "Maybe it's just a virus."

Nurse Chapel looked down at her sympathetically. "Are you sure you don't want me to tell Dr. McCoy?"

"No," Ellie answered quickly. "All he'd do is worry and take more tests than I need. I'll be fine."

Nurse Chapel patted her gently on the shoulder before turning away, but Ellie's voice called her back.

"I'm really glad you came back."

Christine smiled. "Well you and Carol did ask so nicely," she said to Ellie. "You should rest."

Ellie leaned back in her chair after Christine had left wondering what was wrong with her, if it was just a virus or something more serious. She hadn't come in contact with any alien lifeforms, or had even been off the ship in a month; so she didn't think it was a strange pathogen. In the end Ellie stood, regretting having to go to work when her head began to spin, and made her way to her desk.

"Hey Ellie," Bones called when he saw her. "We got an ensign with appendicitis, you want it?" He looked down at her to see her face was pale. "You feelin' alright?" he asked.

"Yeah," she said without much thought, though it was a lie; she felt terrible, as though her entire body ached.

He reached a hand to her forehead and then her cheek. "You don't have a fever," he said as he stared hard at her.

She smiled up at him, knowing it looked fake. "I think I'm just tired," she told him dishonestly, she didn't want him to worry and she knew he would if she told him she couldn't find a reason for why she felt sick; and then he'd tell Jim, and then Jim would worry. So she lied.

And he knew it too. "Take the day," he told her sternly. "That's an order Dr. Davis," he said when she opened her mouth to the refuse. She was not in any shape to perform a surgery, something she thankfully knew, and he watched as she stood – seeing from her eyes she was dizzy – and then as she walked out of the sickbay.

"Nurse Chapel," he called. "Has Dr. Davis made any complaints about her health?"

Christine looked at him guiltily and he sighed irritated. "She didn't want you to worry, at least not until she had an answer."

That stilled him. "You don't know what's wrong with her?"

"It isn't something we detected in her bloodstream, urine, or even her body scans. She's thinks it's just a virus," Christine told him gently before going back to her station. She had a guess as to what was plaguing Dr. Davis, but she didn't think either Ellie or Dr. McCoy would like it.

…

"I thought I told you to take the day off," Bones said when he saw Ellie checking out Fisher.

Ellie barely looked up at him as she dabbed the blood from Fisher's hand. "I felt better," she said simply.

Bones grabbed the rag and moved her aside. "You don't look it," he told her making her roll her eyes. "Go to your room and rest," he said firmly as he nudged her toward the door before he began fixing Fisher's hand.

She sighed irritably before turning to the door, in all honesty she did feel better, if anything she felt completely fine. The door whooshed open and Jim ran straight into her, and she would have lost her balance if she hadn't grabbed the doorway. "You okay?" she asked when she saw his eyes, there was something wrong with them, something dark in them.

He gave no answer, instead he stared hard at her as he moved around her nearly stumbling.

"What can I do you for Jim?" Bones asked when he saw him there.

"Saurian brandy," Jim demanded roughly.

Ellie looked to Bones to see he was just as startled as her, but he gave her nod and she continued on to her room. Not even an hour later she was woken by a knock on her door. "Carol?" she said when she saw her standing at her door. "What happened?" Her makeup had gathered under her eyes from her tears, leaving black blotches; a startling state for the normally composed woman.

"There's something wrong with the transporter," Carol said quickly, her voice shaking.

"Here," Ellie said pulling her into the room and sitting her on the bed, grabbing a tissue and wiping beneath her eyes.

"There was this small creature that Scotty beamed from Alpha 177, because he thought something was wrong with the transporter. And he was right," Carol said near hysterics. "A few seconds after the animal was beamed aboard another materialized, the _opposite _of it. It was vicious and awful," Carol said puzzled.

Ellie stared at her not entirely sure what to say, this had never been her strong point. "Okay," she said slowly waiting for Carol to continue.

"I was called down there to see if I could make anything out of it, and I left and went to my room and," Carol paused as another wave of tears began falling, "and Captain Kirk was there, and he." She broke off as she tried not to cry, covering her face with her hands.

Ellie knew what Carol hadn't said, Jim had attacked her; the only problem was that Ellie could hardly believe it, it wasn't her cousin. She grabbed a tissue and held it out for Carol, not sure if she was supposed to hug the other woman, assure her everything was fine – she didn't know.

Carol took the tissue and blew her nose. "I had to fight him off, I even scratched his face. And I don't understand."

Ellie nodded her head as she listened, entirely uncomfortable. "Did you tell Mr. Spock?"

"Yes," Carol said and her brows furrowed. "And Captain Kirk was there, but he didn't have a scratch on his face. And he kept insisting that it wasn't him, but I saw him," Carol said adamantly. "So did Fisher."

Ellie's mind was moving a mile a minute, something being wrong with Jim first attacking Carol, and then him not having the scratch she'd given him. "You're sure you scratched him?"

"Yes," Carol said nodding, trying to figure it out herself.

"Hmm," Ellie hummed as she thought. "Jim had been acting strange when I saw him, and his eyes were wrong – almost wild," she mused aloud.

Ellie and Carol came to the thought together and turned to each other. "Do you think it's possible a human could be split like the animal had been?" Carol asked.

Ellie shrugged. "It's possible. With the human psyche, there's bad and good intermingled. If he was split than he most likely got more than just the bad qualities, I mean lust isn't inherently bad."

Ellie grabbed another tissue and cleaned the black smears from beneath Carol's eyes. A minute later the intercom sounded; "This is the captain speaking. There's an impostor aboard the ship, a man who looks exactly like me and is pretending to be me. This man is dangerous, the utmost caution is to be observed. All crew members are to arm themselves. The impostor can be identified by scratches on his face. " Ellie and Carol looked at each other. "Repeat: the impostor can be identified by scratches on his face. Section chiefs assign personnel to the search, all search parties report to Mr. Spock." The message stopped but a moment later it picked up at and Jim told the ship to set their weapons to stun, that the impostor was not to be harmed.

"I guess that answers that," Ellie said after the intercom went silent.

"Yeah," Carol said softly.

Ellie looked at her, seeing a shaken woman who had almost been raped by someone she thought was her Captain and friend. "Bones and I keep a little tequila for "special" occasions," Ellie said before grabbing one of the last bottles and handing it to Carol.

She took a large swig, wincing at the burn as she swallowed. "When do you drink this?"

"A patient dies, a hard day," Ellie answered sitting beside her again. "We haven't had many those recently. It's actually been a good few months, or it was."

Carol took another drink before offering it to Ellie who turned it down, the last thing she wanted was to have a hangover when she already wasn't feeling well. Carol continued taking small sips before she handed the bottle to Ellie who put it away. They both sat in silence, Carol taking the time to collect herself and Ellie giving it to her. Bones called her communicator and told her Jim's half had been caught and was now being held, and he told her that without each other both the Kirk's would die. But he had no other news for her, only that he wanted her to stay in her room. And even then, after she told Carol what Bones had said she sat quiet and patient as long as Carol needed.

"I suppose I should go back," Carol said after a while, enjoying the silence Ellie offered; Christine, or even Uhura, would have hugged and soothed her and told her everything was okay. Ellie was different, so changed by her past she sometimes didn't know how to handle people. That's why Carol had gone to Ellie, because she knew Ellie wasn't comfortable consoling people's emotions; and Carol had needed someone who wouldn't let her be weak.

"I can walk you," Ellie offered when Carol didn't make to move. "Bones has deemed me unwell and forcing me to stay here. Really you'd be doing me a favor."

"I'd really appreciate it if you did," Carol said with a small smile before the two left Ellie's room. They walked mostly in silence as they went to Carol's station. "Thank you," she said after a few moments, "for letting me," she trailed off not knowing how to finish.

"It's fine," Ellie told her. "I'm not very good at comforting people, am I?"

Carol shrugged. "I stopped crying, I'd say you did a fine job," she told Ellie. "I'm just glad you didn't kiss me again."

Ellie looked over at Carol with wide eyes to see the other woman smiling. Carol laughed as Ellie shoved her lightly and Ellie herself smiled.

"Dr. Marcus."

All mirth left the two at the sound of Jim's voice and they turned, having reached the turboship, to see Jim. He had scratches on his face. "Captain Kirk," Carol said softly, staring at the scratches.

"I owe you an explanation," Jim said coming to stand in front of her. Ellie watched, her hand on her phaser. "The transporter had a malfunction, divided me, created a duplicate. The animal part of me came to your cabin. He even scratched me to make us look more alike. I'd like a chance to explain it to you," he said stepping into the turbolift. "You don't mind if I come to your cabin later?"

Carol looked closely at him. "No," she said warily and he smiled.

"Ellie can you come with me, I need to tell you something?"

Ellie nodded. "Are you okay if I leave you here?" she asked looking to Carol and mouthing _Bones_.

"Of course," Carol told her, knowing the man Ellie stood next to was not entirely Jim Kirk.

"Bridge," Jim said and the doors closed leaving him and Ellie alone. "I was rude to you earlier," he admitted. "I suppose I should apologize," he said turning to her, seeing her hand on the handle of her phaser still and realizing she knew. "But I think I'll do this instead."

The breath went out of her when his knee slammed into her stomach and she fell to the floor as she tried to suck in air. The false Jim took the moment before the doors opened to kick her hard in the stomach sending her against the wall and out of sight when the doors opened – leaving her unable to cry out. He pushed a button, "sickbay," he said before stepping out and leaving her gasping as the doors closed once more.

…

"McCoy," Carol yelled loudly as she ran to him, seeing Jim standing at his side.

"Is everything alright, Dr. Marcus?" Jim asked her seeing her frantic eyes.

She looked at him, seeing scratches on his face and she was left confused. "You didn't just go to the bridge did you?" she asked.

"No," Jim told her, his mind not thinking as it should.

Carol turned to Bones. "Ellie's with him."

They all turned at the sound of the turbolift opening to see Ellie sitting on her knees holding her stomach. Bones ran to her and lifted her face to look at it. "You okay?" he asked as he helped her stand on shaky legs.

"Yeah," she said breathlessly. "He kicked me in the stomach is all."

"Go to the bridge, Christine and I will take her," Carol said grabbing Ellie and helping her to a bed. Bones gave her last searching look before he and Jim rushed off.

Ellie laid back on the bed and tried catching her breath, feeling Christine lifting her dress to get a clear scan of her stomach. "I don't think he injured anything," she told them.

"I'm not having a repeat of last time you hurt your abdomen," Christine told her as she continued scanning.

"What is that?" Carol asked as she looked at the small dot Christine had stopped at.

"What?" Ellie asked concerned. "Is something wrong?"

Christine stared at the small mass not entirely surprised, though she increased the readings on her scanner to pick up the tiny fluttering pulse and smiled. "You're pregnant."


	39. give me love like never before

_kaia: yeah, I'm pretty sure we all did. thanks for reviewing. _

_Lola: Johanna was never mentioned in the alternate timeline, and I feel like that would be an important part of his life and he probably would have told Jim when he ranting in the first movie on the shuttle - or it would have come up in passing. But I don't know. I'm saying she doesn't, and that way I can make it a little different from the original Star Trek (but you will see soon what I plan for this baby)_

_guest: thank you for reviewing. _

_I'm very sorry this took so long, I've been slacking on this and my other star trek story for Ellie and John Harrison. But I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, cause it's all about how they come to terms with her being pregnant. And I hope it's all natural._

* * *

"Dr. McCoy," Nurse Chapel said when she saw him.

Bones turned to her immediately, having been looking for her. "How is she, she's fine?" he demanded after the transporter had been fixed and the Jim's returned to one body.

"What's wrong with Ellie?" Jim asked, having come to the sickbay to be looked over to make sure he was stable.

Christine looked between her medical officer and her captain, and thankfully Carol stepped forward. "She's fine," Carol told Bones watching as his tense shoulders slumped with relief. "The, _other,_ Jim only knocked the wind out of her. She's fine." Carol had almost slipped and said they were both fine, but it was something Ellie should tell Bones; though she wasn't entirely sure if Ellie would tell him.

"Thank God," Bones breathed. "Where is she?"

Carol looked at him, remembering Ellie's white face and her shaking hands. "She went back to her room, I think you should go talk to her."

It was hearing those words that Bones knew all was not right, if Ellie was fine she would have been here working at her desk; her being in her room was proof something was wrong. "Alright, let me look the captain over," he said leading Jim to the examination table.

Carol grabbed Jim's arm before he could leave the room. "If Ellie were pregnant would she tell him?" she whispered quickly.

Jim's looked at her with furrowed brows before shock marred his features. "Tell me she isn't," he said desperately.

"Why is that bad?" Carol asked not understanding his reaction, or Ellie's; both shocked with horror.

Jim was shaking his head as he turned from her, knowing Ellie enough that he wouldn't put it past her not to tell Bones.

"You see a ghost?" Bones asked when he saw Jim's even paler face.

Jim looked at him pitifully. "You should talk to Ellie," he said seriously, which worried the older man.

"Will she tell me?" Bones asked, now knowing for certain something was wrong with Ellie, and knowing her enough to realize she might refuse to tell him or not be able to.

Jim shook his head. "I honestly don't know," he said honestly. So Bones stood staring at him, his friend – his best friend – waiting for him to tell him. "She's pregnant, Bones."

…

Bones found Ellie laying curled up under the covers on her bed, seeing her wipe her eyes when he laid next to her. "Carol said you were fine," he said wiping a tear mark she'd missed.

She shook her head sniffing, wishing she could make herself stop crying. This can't be happening, is what she was thinking, it couldn't be.

He laid beside her looking at her, seeing the pain in her eyes and the refusal. "Would you not have told me?" he asked her, feeling hurt to see she wouldn't have.

She rolled her eyes hopelessly, tears filling them once more. "I'm gonna die," she whispered as though it were an excuse, only that it was. She couldn't possibly have a child knowing she was going to die, not when her own mother's death had destroyed her. Her eyes fell shut when she felt his hand on her cheek, a gentle touch that made her cry.

"We don't know that," he told her, knowing he sounded a hypocrite. "There's a chance you might not."

"I can't have a baby on a chance," she told him making him pull away.

He looked at her with hard eyes. "What are you saying?" he asked her, shock and anger taking the place of surprise. "You're not gonna have it?" he looked at her waiting for her to disagree only for her to say nothing, instead she stared at him with sad eyes that gave him his answer. "Don't you think you need to wait for me before you make that decision?" he demanded, not caring she was crying, not caring she was afraid; _he_ was afraid, hell he'd been afraid from the moment he realized he was in love with her, but this was a baby – _their_ baby. "No," he told her shaking his head. "You're not doing this, you're not gonna consider this."

She looked at him shocked, having thought he'd understand, and feeling hurt that he didn't. "I'm not having a baby only to die," she told him, the answer clear in that simple sentence only Bones was too angry to see it.

"Dammit Ellie," he yelled making her flinch, "this is my baby too, you don't just get to kill it." His words were harsh but he didn't care, she couldn't make this decision without him; not when he was so apart of it. "It changes nothing, doesn't it?" he asked her bitterly, seeing on her face it didn't.

Ellie recoiled from him when he moved, and she covered her face in her hands when he stalked out of the room; obscenities flying out of his mouth.

"Let me guess you take her side," Bones yelled when he saw Jim walking toward Ellie's room, not stopping to notice his Captain's shocked face.

That was all Jim needed to hear to know what happened, thinking Ellie might choose not to have it; and he knew before he'd even stepped through the door that she was crying, and he wasn't wrong. He could do nothing for her but to wrap her in his arms as she sobbed, wondering if there was any way her and Bones could survive this.

…

Bones could feel how deep his scowl was, his heavily frowning mouth and his furrowed brows framing his blazing eyes. No one dared to talk to him, all but one.

"Hey McCoy, everything alright?"

Bones turned to Scotty, not realizing he had gone to engineering; his mind was in such a daze he hadn't paid any attention to where he was going, only that he needed to go somewhere. "No," he answered shortly, his voice gruff.

Scotty looked at him not knowing what to do. "Is it Ellie?" he asked, already knowing the answer – it was always Ellie, that or it was Bones, they just couldn't get along. "Wanna talk about it?" he offered. "I've got scotch."

A few minutes later and Bones was sitting in a chair in Scotty's room nursing a glass of scotch, feeling only the slightest bit better.

"What happened this time?" Scotty asked, needing the drink as he went about trying to fix things between Ellie, the woman he'd fallen in love with, and Bones, the man she'd loved instead.

Bones threw his hands up in defeat. "I don't think you really wanna know," he told him, knowing if anything it'd hurt him.

Scotty looked at him irritated, having shared his scotch which would now certainly not last him five years. "I let her go so she could love you," he told him. "Try me."

Bones sighed, needing someone to talk someone – and needing it to be someone who understood Ellie. "She's pregnant."

He choked on his scotch as he swallowed, feeling it burning in his nose as he coughed. "As in a baby?" he asked baffled, having never thought of Ellie as a mother.

"You know any other meaning of she's pregnant?" Bones asked bitterly, swallowing what was in his glass and then drinking what Scotty poured.

Scotty looked at Bones, seeing him drag a hand over his eyes signaling his frustrations. "You don't want kids?" he asked, not knowing what else to say; it already being hard enough to see Ellie and Bones together without being faced with them sleeping together – which they obviously did.

Bones shrugged. "I never really thought about it," he admitted. "I mean yeah, maybe when I'm older but I," he cut off shrugging as he finished his glass and poured himself another.

"It's Ellie," said Scotty, realizing of course it was; she'd lost her mother when she was young, it was natural to consider it.

"Yeah," Bones sighed sitting back. "I don't even know what to say to her to make her realize why she can't just kill it," he said, his voice showing how defeated he felt – not having had the time to think about what all this meant yet.

"You can't say anything," Scotty told him simply, making Bones realize of course he was on her side too.

He rolled his eyes out of spite, thinking he'd had someone who understood him. "Yeah I know her mom died, it was awful. But I am not her father," he said getting angry, feeling that was what was being said about him.

"That isn't what this is about."

Bones looked at him confused. "Then what the hell is this about?"

Scotty looked at him and shrugged. "She's scared," he told him. "Her mom died and it all but ruined her, you told her she was going to die and so she can't put that on a kid. She can't let the resentment they will feel at her being dead tear them apart. She's terrified, McCoy. And she needs you."

Bones sat back listening, having missed all the signs of her fear and what it was she was afraid of in the face of his own fear. "So what am I supposed to do?" he asked, desperate for some answer.

Scotty sighed, knowing he was telling Bones how to keep Ellie – and it killed him cause he had wanted her to love him so much. "You go back and you hold her," he told Bones. "Cause deep down inside, even though she's scared now, you know her enough to know she's not the kind of person to kill her baby."

…

"You know I'll love no matter what you choose?" Jim asked, wiping her wet cheeks and smoothing her hair.

"Yeah," she answered softly. "He won't."

Jim sighed, there was nothing he could say to her to make this better – he didn't know how Bones felt, only that he was unhappy now. He looked up at the sound of the door opening to see Bones coming in and Jim let go of Ellie and stood when Bones nodded, and he slapped him lightly on the shoulder before leaving; knowing even though he wanted to stay it wasn't his place, this was between her and Bones.

Bones laid on the bed beside her, staring at the ceiling and feeling her eyes on him. "We don't have to decide now," he told her softly turning to look at her, seeing the relief in his eyes that he wasn't angry. She sat up when he moved closer and laid on his chest, and he wrapped an arm around her back holding her against him. "I mean I'm telling you right you're not getting rid of it," he said quickly. "But you don't have to decide that right now."

She laughed briefly, feeling the tears well in her eyes. "What if I die?" she asked, looking up at him.

He could do no more than shrug. "I won't be alone," he said, feeling the same sadness as she did at the thought.

She hadn't thought about that; he'd have Jim, and Uhura, Spock on a good day, and even Carol – but it wasn't the same, a child would love her as though she rose and set the sun because that was how children loved their parents. And so there would be no one, save Jim, who'd understand what Bones felt when she died – no one but their child.

And there it was, their child; her child. She was pregnant, incubating a little life inside her, feeling more in that moment the weight of death than she ever had. "I'm scared," she whispered, and he sighed at the tears in her voice, hearing that fear all too clearly now.

"I know," he told her, holding her tighter. "I'm scared too." He laid beside her and held her, offering her all the comfort his arms could give, taking all the comfort of feeling her in his arms that he could. "We're gonna survive this," he mumbled in her hair. And looking up at him to see his face, in all honestly it was the first time in a long while she actually felt like they might.


	40. cause lately I've been craving more

_so the episode mentioned in this chapter is called "Mudd's Women," and it's actually really funny how much the boys swoon over the three women so I'd suggest watching this one. I'm realizing that this story is actually coming to an end, and I think in less than ten chapters; which is kind of surprising given where we are. But I do hope you guys are still enjoying it, and thank you so much for reading and reviewing it really does make my day._

_kaia: thank you so much. it means a lot to hear that you think that._

_Lola: Bones and Ellie do have better days, hopefully sort of shown in this chapter. But they have always argued and bickered, cause they challenge each other. Now it's moving them into realizing that no arguement is bigger than their relationship. And what trauma do you refer; her mother dying or that she's supposed to die. Cause both are pretty heavy, and both would definitely come up in a person's mind when faced with having a kid. I mean that is natural. And in all honesty, there's really no closure for either of them - for her dying cause it's coming, and her mother because it was so sudden. And sometimes there isn't any closure and a person just has to move past it. And I hope you notice that neither of them are mentioned in this chapter._

* * *

As doctors pregnancy was nothing new to either of them; not the growing stomach, not the aching ankles or breasts, not the mood changes, not the flutter of a heartbeat inside her. But as people experiencing this for the first time themselves, it was the scariest and most amazing thing that had ever had happened to them. It had taken Ellie many days to finally wake in the morning to be glad of the little life she was harboring, weeks and months to lay comfortably on a table and listen to the little bomp bomp that was her baby's heartbeat - Bones standing beside her as he looked at the monitor, just as amazed and awestruck as she was. But of course every pregnancy came with its good and bad moments, they both knew that as well. But it was the people around them that knew the ups and downs would be all the more severe when it was Ellie as the mother and Bones for the father. And they were not wrong.

...

"What was it this time?" Carol asked as Ellie laid back on the table.

Ellie rolled her eyes as she thought of the fight she and Bones had had a few days ago. "Nothing," she said softly, sighing her displeasure. "Just Bones being his normal ass of a self. It wasn't his fault and I'm overreacting," Ellie said condescendingly, making quotations with her fingers as she repeated what Bones had yelled at her.

Carol tried not to smile as she ran the scanner over Ellie's stomach, which had grown rounder in a few months though was still small compared to what it would be. "It wasn't entirely," Carol told her kindly. "The drug made the three women too beautiful not be in awe of. And the effects on Dr. McCoy seemed to all but disappear the moment he saw you," she said staring hard at Ellie, hoping to make her see that Bones did love her.

Ellie rolled her eyes, much less irritated and now more dispaired; that having been the same thing Bones had said to her, as well as a proclamation of how it proved he loved her.

"But that isn't what's bothering you is it?" Carol asked putting the scanner down, Ellie sitting up now that the routine check was finished.

Ellie shrugged. "I'm assuming everything fine," she said, to which Carol nodded and waited quietly for her to continue. Her shoulders slumped as she sighed, more irritated with herself than with Bones. "He shouldn't have been effected by them in the first place," she said quietly as she looked at her feet, now wearing simple slip on shoes since her ankles were swelling.

Carol watched her face closely, looking for anything that might give away why Ellie was upset. "You do know you are only going to get bigger?" she asked.

"I know," Ellie said pitifully as she rolled her eyes to the ceiling. "For some reason I didn't think I was gonna get so fat."

She could not help her small chuckles. "You aren't even half as round as you will be," she said still laughing making Ellie kick her lightly.

"I'd say this isn't funny," Ellie said trying not to laugh, "but Bones always did make me such a girl."

Still smiling Carol asked: "What do you mean?"

"I don't know," Ellie shrugged. "I mean he frustrates me and we don't always get along, but after I fell in love with him I just," she stopped and shurgged again. "I felt like I needed him, you know? Like I couldn't be me if he wasn't there to fight with, or to drink with when I had a bad day at the hospital, or even," Ellie stopped shaking her head, Carol hanging on her every word because it was the exact same undescribable feeling she was starting to have toward Captain Kirk. "He is the only man who's ever made me blush," Ellie told her. "Just by looking at me. His eyes just, and I felt," Ellie threw her hands up as she gave up trying to form a coherent sentence when she obviously didn't have the words to describe how he made her feel.

But Carol understood perfectly, Kirk's blue eyes bright with a spark of life and mischief staring hard at her as he smiled playing through her mind. "Yeah I know you mean," Carol told her softly. "Well here are your scans if you wanted to look them over," she said handing Ellie the little hand monitor. "You'll see it's starting to look more like a baby," she said seeing everything but simple wonder had left Ellie's face as she stared awestruck at the video. "I'll leave you to it then," Carol said before patting Ellie's knee and leaving the room, knowing Ellie hadn't been paying her a bit of mind, and she waited until the door whooshed shut to drop her smile and reel on the man now standing next to her.

"Ow," Bones growled holding his arm where Carol had hit him a few times. "The hell was that for?"

"That," Carol said straightening herself and flicking her hair out of her face, "was for making her feel undesired."

Bones' already furrowed brows knitted tighter together in consternation. "I hadn't meant to," he said uncomfortably, not wanting to talk about this with anyone other than Ellie; let alone Carol. "I didn't think,"

"What?" Carol demanded cutting Bones off, more protective of Ellie now - having grown close with the other woman, "You didn't think she'd want to? You are a doctor McCoy, you know very well a woman's want of sex does not disappear with a pregnancy. If anything it grows, and now Ellie's there only going to get bigger and she doesn't think you could want to have sex with her."

Bones stared at her wide eyed. "I am not talking about this with you," he said finally, flustered and bewildered how Ellie could possibly think he didn't want her.

"Then talk to her," Carol grit out as she hit him again. "Now go in there and act like we did not just have this conversation and that I did not tell you to eavesdrop while talked to her," she ordered smoothing out her dress, having heard Ellie yell at Bones and even Jim before - quite frankly Ellie almost scared her, at least when she was angry.

Bones looked back as Carol walked away, his brows furrowed irritably before he entered the room. "Carol said she finished the scans," he said playing it off as though he'd come to see the baby. "Looks more like a baby," he said when he saw it on the monitor.

"Yeah," Ellie breathed, having not even moved the entire time after Carol had left; too enraptured with looking at the video and thinking of the fetus. "What?" she asked at seeing the way Bones was looking at her.

He shook his head looking back to the monitor, it making him happy to see how much she was starting to want this kid. "What do you think it's gonna be?" he asked looking straight into her eyes, seeing the moment her resolve broke and she looked away from him confused - his lips curling as he moved closer, realizing just how much of an idiot he'd been.

"I kind of want a boy," Ellie answered softly, feeling Bones' chest against her back, still feeling the heat in his eyes that always melted her in the palm of his hand.

"Mm," he hummed, his mouth pressed against her shoulder as he looked up at her waiting for her eyes to find his.

She hated to admit that her stomach actually flipped at the way he was looking at her, feeling the smirk on his lips. "What?" she asked him again, wondering what had happened to make his eyes so dark with want - not just that, but what he was thinking to be wanting _her_.

His smile grew as he moved to stand in front of her, setting the monitor aside and stepping between her legs. "I love you," he told her simply, easily, watching as she turned away smiling. He waited until she looked back to him, her eyes bright with love and wanting, before he kissed her; pulling her closer, feeling her small rounded stomach, proof that he did in fact love her. Laying her back on the table he realized his body knew her - his hands knew every curve on the planes of her flesh, his mouth knew her taste, his heart knew the beat of hers. He knew what she meant, understood the meaning behind the words she hadn't said. He needed her, she was apart of him. He couldn't be himself without her.

...

_a month later_

"Hey," Scotty said happily when he saw Ellie walk into Bones' room, having been sharing the little bit he had left of his scotch with Bones as they talked. The more time passed, the rounder she grew, the easier it was for him to let loving her go. Until one day he was questioning if it had ever really been love, or just a very large amount of attraction and caring.

"Hi," Ellie said without a smile, her face paled with shock and her eyes wide.

Bones dropped his feet off the table and stood the moment he saw her, knowing something was wrong; though the last time she'd come to him like this it had been with tears thinking something was wrong with the baby, thinking after everything she was going to lose it, only for her to be feeling the tiny little kicks.

"I'll go," Scotty said excusing himself, neither of the two paying him any mind, though in truth he wanted to know what it was himself.

"What is it?" Bones asked when the door closed. "Is something wrong? It is the baby?"

Ellie looked at him uncertainly. "It's not bad," she said softly, opening her mouth to say more only for the words to get lost on her tongue.

Bones stared at her waiting for her to continue. "I'll shake it out of you woman," he told her, his heart racing from the fear her face had caused.

"We'rehavingagirl," she blurted before pressing her lips together and waiting for his reaction.

All he did was stare at her and blink. "What?" he whispered, it not fully hitting him what she'd said.

"I know we said we'd wait to find out and I know you were starting to really want a son," she said in a rush, feeling her hands shaking from the fear and excitement at knowing it was a girl and not knowing how Bones would feel about that, "but Carol accidentally let it slip. And she really didn't mean to but she showed me the scan and it's clear that it is a girl,"

"We're having a girl," he said almost under his breath, silencing her frantic words and leaving her to stare up at him. He looked down at her stomach, his numb mind churning over and over with different thoughts; replacing the thought of sports with dancing, of how much love was too much to how much love was enough, of a wedding to walking her down the aisle. "I'm having a daughter."

She nodded as his hands brushed against her belly, seeing the tears welling in his eyes and knowing from the way he swallowed he was trying to push them away. "It's a girl," she told him again, her eyes waiting for his to find hers as a smile curled and lit his face. He knocked the wind out of her as he squeezed her to his chest, pouring his fear and his hope into the strength in which he held her in his arms. His next words nearly making her laugh -"The hell am I supposed to do with a girl?"


End file.
